The other day I went to a magnificent beachside restaurant for lunch it was right on the water, the food was delicious and the waiters were gorgeous. Perfect really.
So amazing was this place that there happened to be about 50 other people waiting with us to be seated – no such thing as booking a table at this place. No sirree – because if you book by phone you cannot get assessed for the “you are what you wear” game (note that this may not be the official reason that they do not accept bookings).
The “you are what you wear game” goes something like this
You: I’d like a table for 6 please
Man at Restaurant : Sure, what’s your name?
You: Lana
It acts so fast that fast delivery cialis you can get the result within a span of few weeks. It is widely used to cure impotence, PE, try this order generic cialis weakness in nerves, and helps to stay harder and longer to satisfy her completely in every lovemaking episode. Here, order cheap viagra the term emotional freedom may signify your trust to the partner. This anti-impotence creates erection no prescription viagra opacc.cv that stays for longer time. Man at Restaurant : Righto Lana *susses me up* that will be a very long time
The man then writes “Lana – 6” on a piece of paper but then next to that he writes a short description – purple dress, NO SHOES. I know, I know – no shoes in a restaurant is not ideal when you are over old enough to walk but, in my defence I had just rushed off the beach to put my name down, I had no intention of eating lunch without shoes. But now I had been labelled as the woman with no shoes. Would he know to call me for my table if I put my shoes on, what if I changed out of my purple dress ? Would I miss my table if I was still Lana, but a yellow dressed well shod Lana?
After I had got over the public humiliation of being the woman with NO SHOES (in capitals – as if it deserved screaming) I got to thinking about the way we define people we have just met. Because we all do, we define people by what they look like to some extent, it is not a judgement as such but rather a tool we use to separate one person from the next.
And today I am sitting in a different cafe, where they know my name and define me by my coffee order and the amount of time I spend sitting in their cafe clicking away on my keyboard. I come here so often that I could wear no shoes and they would not even register, and if they did they would probably give me a pair of socks to keep my feet warm.
And in the comfort of my regular cafe I realise that it is impossible to play the “you are what you wear” game in a place where you know the people. The woman in the pink and gray dress with the pretty toenails becomes the woman with the whingeing child that used to go to child care with my friend’s son. The woman with the hanging earrings and the golden skin becomes the woman with a son in year 2 that plays the piano like Mozart and the woman with the striped shoes and the sunglasses on her head becomes the woman who once drank too much at a 40th and went home with the somebody else’s shirt.
And I realise that, although I love my local cafe, I prefer the mode of the beachside restaurant. Because sometimes, wiping one’s history clear and just being the shoeless woman in the purple dress gives you a better chance at being who you really are and not what people expect you to be.
I really like this post.
“The woman with the hanging earrings and the golden skin becomes the woman with a son in year 2 that plays the piano like Mozart and the woman with the striped shoes and the sunglasses on her head becomes the woman who once drank too much at a 40th and went home with somebody else’s shirt.”<< That there is some evocative writing. I wonder what I would be. Wiping one's history clear is a lovely dream isn't it? Even if only for a while.
Thanks for a thoughtful post.
But you need both at various times I think… I know I do 🙂
Great post Lana.
You know, I kinda felt like this when I moved from Perth to Sydney. No one knew me. I could be whoever I wanted to be. I loved that. 🙂
Great post Lana. I agree – sometimes it’s nice to be recognised and known, while at times you just want to be another face in the crowd.
What beautiful insight. Sometimes it is really hard to be who you are because you’re too busy being what you think other people think you should be.
It s interesting the timing of this post – these last two weeks I’ve been the ‘girl with the black pants and no shoes” its been interesting seeing how much I interperet other people on who they are based on what they wear and how much they assume about me…lovely blog…
This is really intriguing! I have realised that due to the wonderful interwebs I too have experienced this anonymity and it is so liberating. These new friends of mine don’t know me as a workmate or family, they don’t know me as a wife or mother, they simply know me as Sue, someone who shares an interest with them…is it the real Sue? I think it’s pretty damn close.
I agree Sue, I love being me on the internet. I’ve been a mother and wife for so long, it’s nice just being me with no preconceived ideas.
I still live near the town where I went to school – small town, so I would love anonymity instead of hiding up the shopping aisle from a boy I kissed at school!
Another fabulous post Lana!
Hi there Linda44,
So many mantles ..tis nice to be mantleless.
😉
Liking your writing more and more 🙂
Beautifully written as always Sharpie.
I am the short arse with boofy hair who becomes that Mum with two screaming kids who eats too many roast potatoes covered in whole egg mayonnaise!
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Loved this post. Mainly because I I recognise the conundrum of the safety of being defined and yet wanting sometimes to be indefinable.
Thank you.
Yes, yes I agree!
What a wonderful writer you are. I wish we could dance barefoot together in our purple dresses (mine won’t fit me any more because I bought it when I was 21 and it was The Ultimate Purple Dress and none I’ve seen since have ever come even close).
So then people may look at us as The Woman In The Purple Dress with NO SHOES and the Naked Woman Wearing a Purple Dress as a neckerchief with NO SHOES.
I think we will make quite a sight.
I love being anonymous, especially upon going to a restaurant or cafe.
And you’re the loveliest lady with no shoes in a purple dress EVER ^_^
My GOD that is a beautiful post. You are amazing. And not just because you used one of my favourite words.*
*shod, in case you were wondering
its nice to be anonymous – I love going to places where I can be sure people don’t know me or I don’t know them.
Great post
Beautiful and insightful post Lana.
This is great and so true.
I am guilty of the sizing up game…often I am SPOT on and mostly, being honest, completely WRONG!
I am curious…did you SAY anything to the waiter when he wrote you down as the woman with no shoes?
I find comfort in people knowing me no matter the tag they give me, until now I never thought about to have one, I have a good relationship with the baker, the butcher, the girl that work as a cashier at the supermarket,and I love this, I wonder if is because I am me all the time? love to all ooxx