When Little Pencil was a smaller pencil I bought him one of those cash register toys, a fancy one with a bar code scanner attached that made the requisite electronic noises. It was one of my favourite acquisitions perhaps because I always dreamed of being a “check out chick”. I often watched the women at Coles masterfully scanning packets and boxes, I was full of rapt wonder when the biscuits passed the sensor causing the register to acknowledge the price. And they always made it look like they were in such control, working with such purpose. I’ll admit that this does not paint my childhood in the most idyllic of lights but it definitely talks to my desire for routine and structure. Oh how I wanted to be the person controlling the scanner.
Nowadays you don’t need toys. Anyone can play “check out chick” at your local supermarket. In fact you seldom get a choice, not that you’d ask for one. I always choose the self scan checkout and I’ll tell you that their machinery is a lot more sophisticated than the Fisher Price model. It’s like reliving that childhood fantasy but you can’t pay with thick yellow discs of plastic as per the home version.
As much as I love playing with the scanner and the cash register I do feel sad for the people that will be losing their jobs through this advancement in retail technology. Fortunately I see many niche markets that the major chains may have missed where they could create further employment opportunities.
Enviro Bag Reminder
Supermarkets could create a brilliant environmental customer service by having a person roam the parking lots looking for people exiting their cars and approaching the supermarket doors. Their job would simply be to tap said shopper on the shoulder and say “go back to your car and get the enviro bags in your boot”. Simple. I need that person.
Calorie Converter
I recently went on a calorie controlled diet and I could not believe the huge differences in calorific content of even the different types of breads. If I had a friendly Calorie Converter person (not book or appliance) to point to various products and tell me the calories, fat and sugar content, I would cut my shopping time by at least two hours. This would be a specialised job only available to customers who request it.
Dinner Selector
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The Tall Shelf Selector
Supermarkets could easily provide one tall person per aisle that would rush to the aid of short people who can’t reach the top shelf without unbalancing several shelf displays. In fact the Tall Shelf Selector would ideally be very flexible and nimble so that s/he could reach the bottom shelves for older people or people with backs problems.
The Lolly Distractor
Not sure how the supermarket would feel about funding this one but perhaps we could get the Dental Society to contribute to this cause. The Lolly Distractor would have the unenviable task of standing around the queues and diverting children’s attention away from the rows of lollies put there to taunt them. They would be equipped with balls to juggle, bubbles to blow and all manners of magical equipment prepared by David Copperfield.
Plastic Bag Opener
If you have escaped the Enviro Bag Reminder person in the parking lot you will definitely need the plastic bag opener. There is nothing more embarrassing than taking 5 minutes to find the opening of your plastic bag. When there are hordes of people watching how fast you can scan your groceries and you cannot even manage to open the bag, it is really humiliating. Ask me. I know
Who do you need when you go shopping?
I hate self-service scanning. There’s never enough room to sort everything, I end up with stuff everywhere and invariably need to call the cheerful check-out lady over – the very one whose job I’m helping to destroy. I only use them when I have one or two items, and then only under duress.
Having said that, the scanning thing is very fun. I love the ‘bleep’ noise it makes. So therapeutic and, you’re right, better than the FP version.
You find cheerful check out ladies? xx
Big W self serve thing utterly asploded on me today. Grrr most annoying!
Other than that – I *love* prowling the supermarket aisles – no hit & run shopping for me!
I see a life of personal shopping in your future 🙂
Like Al I LOATHE self service. Drives me crazy. I never get it right and always need to call for back up. Which is partly why shopping online has been such a godsend.
They introduced self serve while I lived in the UK and there was huge worry people would lose jobs over it, but it wasn’t all that successful because people actually like the interaction with a “real live person.” I hope it’s the same here.
You can be my live person and shop for me. How cool would that be?
Oh Ms Pencil,
Sorry but I have to say, glaring by omission is the Roaming Children’s Entertainment, or Supermarket Tantrum Fairy.
Where’s that wonderful imaginary person, who comes along to save the hapless parent by distracting any little saboteurs? They could be dressed festively and do stuff like this…
Level 1/mild grizzle: Blowing bubbles and asking kids to smile for their mummies
Level 2/loud demands and or throwing items: whisper something in their ear slightly scary and inappropriate to make them straighten up their act such as suggesting there may be something nasty hiding in their cupboard at home if they misbehave for mum, then hand them a balloon with a wink
Level 3/code red: Come along with crime scene tape, cordon off the floor-based kicking screamer, hand Mum a lollipop/champagne and wave on all judgemental passers-by singing a song:
“move along, dear shoppers, there’s nothing here to see/
but if you turn the corner it’s 2-for-1 Coke in aisle 3”
I LOVE this mstwitchy! Supermarket Tantrum Fairy for me too please. Especially love the handing mummy a champagne, much better than my Caramel Latte offering!
Ms Twitchy – you are good. The supermarkets need you!
I am now officially a senior *sigh* and I “remember when” there weren’t ANY supermarkets…as 5 year old at my grandparents’ house in a coastal town I remember the grocer’s boy DELIVERING the groceries. The said groceries had been part of a list which had been left at the grocers earlier in the day.
Then when I was 10 “self-serve” supermarkets arrived & how excitement for mum and me to take a trolley and CHOOSE our goods, then take them to a check out LADY ( definitely the word CHICK had not been invented then).
When I became the grown up and shopped at supermarkets in Sydney what I remember were 3 things:
1. More choices of supermarket than now
2. Shops shut at midday Saturday and re-opened Mondays
3. At the checkout, there was a person on the cash register AND another person who packed your groceries
Fast forward: I’m short – can’t reach a bloody thing that’s high and there’s never anyone around to help (have taken tongs from kitchenware and used to grasp unreachables in desperate times) & with arthritic fingers those bloody plastic bags drive me crazy (& yes, the green bag is never remembered)
I have tried to paint an historical picture for you all but have ended up feeling quite nostalgic for the days when “can I help you take these to the car?” was a common event as was the notion that we could all survive if supermarkets weren’t open 24/7
I’m not a senior (yet), but I can remember when the ‘Shoeys’ supermarkets opened here in Newcastle. I used to go with my grandparents and the great thrill was being given a big black texta that you used to write the prices on the items you were buying so that the checkout operator could type in the correct price (saved $$ on printing price tags apparently).
My grandfather ran a mobile grocery service in the Bay area near Newcastle. He had an old converted bus that he stocked with fresh fruit + vegies and pantry staples and he visited local homes, properties and schools each week. I loved helping him restock his truck when we visited at weekends and all the wonderful fresh fruit he picked up at the markets each day.
I’m feeling a little nostalgic too. 🙂
I grew up in the Newcastle area and I remember Shoey’s and the black textas. I always wonder how much money they lost by everyone shaving a couple of cents off each item’s price!
I also remember when there was a person in the fruit and veg area who would weigh and price your items. Before there were scales at the checkout.
There’s a fruit and veg shop near me that employs high-school boys to help take your stuff to the car and bring the trolley back. The first time I went there I thought I was going to get mugged until the poor boy explained he was there to help.
Lol 🙂
I am also feeling nostalgic and I didn’t even know your grandfather xx
I am not a senior YET but I grew up in South Africa and I remember most of that from my youth xxx I loved the walk down memory lane 🙂
Since my 4yo started kindy, I am always forgetting to take the enviro bags from my boot. I didn’t realise she was the enviro-bag bringer until I did my first few shopping trips while she was at kindy.
Arrive at checkout.
Check-out-chick: Do you have green bags?
Me: yes! … oh … uh … no.
😛
You see that is why we need our kids with us when we go out. While they are at school we should be on the couch somewhere safe 😉
The thing I need most at the supermarket is something that they will never provide – a person to follow me around saying “do you really need that. It isn’t on your list” to prevent me from giving in to the inevitable impulse buys.
No, they wont provide that – but your bank might 🙂
Oh, and I need a Catcher. Someone who’s job it is to chase my runaway child in the aisles while I finish the shopping. That should cut the time down by about 9/10ths. Also need the Catcher to stop my daughter running out of the novelty auto doors while I’m paying. That would be just dandy.
I would most definitely need the “Sustenance Guy”. The guy who can tell when you’re completely over it and come over and offer you a Caramel Latte and a piece of Cadbury chocolate, or who comes over and quietly massages your shoulders as you’re walking around trying to ignore your toddler walking beside you screaming she wants “Dis and dat and DAT!”.
That would be heaven. I might even go grocery shopping more often!
Love the sound of Sustenance Guy. He could move in here never mind the supermarket 🙂
OMG – I absolutely needed the plastic bag opener today (should’ve seen me – disgraceful). In addition to your Tall Shelf Selector and Dinner Selector, I could do with just a good old Child Minder.
Imagine how quickly I could do my shopping if not having to tote around the screaming child who wants out of the trolley to cuddle the plastic guide dog donation container? Or the child who steals and stuffs the grocery list in his mouth? Or the child who pulls himself over to chemical-laden goods in the cleaning aisle exclaiming “special milk!”? This is all the same child, by the way.
Anyway, I like your vision for the future, SP. Is Heath from @ColesOnline reading your blog? Come on, Heath, get these people hired!!
I think I love your child xx
When I lived in Edinburgh many years ago they had this hand-held scanner that you took as you went in, and you scanned each item as you put it in the trolley. At the end of your shopping, you’d hang it up, it would display the total owed, and you’d pay the nice machine. Fabulous stuff. No human intearction at all, and it never even ticked you off when you accidentally forgot to scan the donuts you’d eaten along the way.
I want to go to Edinburgh. That is all
I’m torn. I do love the non-interaction of the self service checkout and if I have only a few items, I use this.
On the flip side, I choose the longest line possible and read trash mags and am almost disappointed when the checkout chick is a gun. Plus sometimes they are lovely young kids up for a good convo. The other day, I think I talked one of the young guys to continue on to uni. I think I just invented a job for MYSELF!
But yes, I don’t like seeing people lose their job to technology. And fuck, if they invent a machine that puts peoples pipes in and does their tax returns, my husband and I are rooted.
I would employ you Bern, as my very own court jester xxx
I too LOVE the self service check out… Why?
– For some reason when I am at a regular checkout I always seem to feel like I could do the job so much quicker. Yes I know I have absolutely NO basis for this assumption – I’m puzzled why I think that I could scan/enter special codes/call superviser/price check/pack bags faster than the regular operators, all whilst providing witty intelligent and insightful banter to customers. Clearly in this parallel universe I would be the checkout chick with quite a reputation (hey why not throw in numerous customer service awards). People would travel miles to witness my superscanning technique and glean titbits (or is it tidbits?) of my wise grocery shopping (and hell why not life) advice…
– like lifeinapinkfibro I LOVE the reward of the beep as you scan the items through. If only other things in life had a “reward beep”….
eg. using innovative NEW bribery techniques to curtail 2.5yr old daughter’s tantrums at post office where she has undivided attention of other customers waiting in a 15 metre line…. BEEP,
managing to contain nappy contents whilst above mentioned daughter rotates around like agitator in washing machine…. BEEP,
providing sympathetic noises to husband who complains about sniffly nose, whilst I have had 2 hours sleep due to daughters coughing fits, have to work night shift, and have to juggle diabetes which is not exactly running to the plan the docs would like…. BEEP (PS I didn’t say the sympathy was BELIEVABLE but I think I still warrant a BEEP for effort!)
– and lastly, I love scrolling through the fruit & veg menu items…
HOWEVER:
Can they please find some alternative to the putting-scanned-items-in-bagging-area alerts that constantly go off??!
I lean against bagging area – ALERT GOES OFF “Please remove extra item from bagging area” – I move back “Please call staff to enter code to proceed”
Daughter climbs up on bagging area – REPEAT ABOVE
Daughter tries to help by putting scanned item in another bag – REPEAT ABOVE
You get my drift….
That’s my 2 cents worth…. Love this blog, I only just started reading it and this is the first time I have made a comment… Note: I have only discovered this world of blogs. Yes I am VERRRRY behind the times as also evidenced by my recent discovery of a great site for buying and selling called ebay….don’t ask…
I hope you stay around – I loved your comment!! And welcome to blog land – it is a lot cheaper than Ebay xxx
I need YOU. For fun.
you have me. But I am not always fun
However I always like to shop for nose strips
I work at a supermarket where there are self serve check outs – as a supervisor..
Yes, there are less hours going around at the moment.. but honestly one of the worst parts of the day is the aggressive people who decide to pick a fight about the self serves and tell us we’re being done out of a job, as if it is some revolutionary concept. Not saying everybody is rude like that – just that it’s something we are getting very used to hearing. 🙂
Love the sound of the sustenance guy!