I was quite excited yesterday when someone on Twitter disclosed a secret that I myself had held close to my heart. Michaela from Five Frogs On A Blog admitted “a friend and I used to joke about wishing for a temporary illness that would hospitalise us but otherwise leave us unharmed”.
Which mother (or other person) that is responsible for someone else 24 hours a day, seven days a week doesn’t wish for some respite? Sadly, given the chance of a freak holiday without any family members is not likely, I am guessing Michaela, her friend and I are not alone in wishing for some “hospital time.”
The truth is that when you are looking for this respite you don’t really want to be sick at all – you just want to lie in bed uninterrupted except maybe for people bringing you meals on trays and other people dropping magazines and lollies by your bed while you pretend to sleep so that you don’t have to make conversation. You forget when you get caught up in the “sick fantasy” that being sick is actually pretty shit.
Now I am nowhere near sick enough to be at the doctor let alone at the hospital but I am certainly sick enough to be complaining a lot and believing that I should be in bed surrounded by soft cushioning and crap day time TV.
But I am also sick enough to realise that it’s not at all fun being in bed because you are sick.
In your “sick fantasy” the bed is uber comfortable and the freshly washed linen is soft and welcoming. In real life you cannot get comfortable no matter how hard you try and the linen has sand in it from when the dog jumped straight on to the bed after his walk.
In your “sick fantasy” you will relax in the bed and drift in and out of a peaceful sleep. In real life you cannot relax or sleep because it feels like you are allergic to yourself and you have got a month of dust in your eyes, your throat is on fire, your bones are sore and your nose is a tap. Oh and our ears are blocked.
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In your “sick fantasy” there will be brilliant TV on all day that you will watch in between napping and magazine reading. In real life the TV is spectacularly bad and full of violent crime shows and infomercials where no one dies but you sometimes wish they did.
In your “sick fantasy” you will just love lying in bed. In real life you still feel sick when you lie in bed plus you can’t really lie down because as soon as you get horizontal you start to cough violently.
In your “sick fantasy” you will page through magazines finding articles of interest on every page. You will occasionally find an article that answers every question you have ever had about Pink and what Jennifer Aniston is really like at home. In real life you will realise that you hate magazines because they are full of fluff and lies.
In your “sick fantasy” your child will get home from school by magic and then do his homework by himself after checking that you are okay for tea and toast. In real life you will go to pick up your child from school in your daggiest tracksuit and the coolest mum will find you and insist on “catching up”. You will get home from school and your child will insist on sitting on your bed watching his choice of TV and taking all the duvet. He may also demand food.
Turns out you just can’t enjoy being sick. But you can certainly enjoy a fantasy.
Have you ever wished you were sick just so that you could spend a day in bed?
My sick fantasy is that I have a disease that means I can eat whatever I want and not only do I not put on any weight but I magically lose all the excess kilos that I’m schlepping around at the moment. The closest thing I can think of is intestinal worms!
Oh I like the sound of that – up until the intestinal worms of course 😉
Hilarious! Love this post and I can really relate. I actually considered going to hospital to give birth to my third daughter, last year, a small holiday away from my two toddlers at home. Cooked breakfasts, 4 course lunches, little siestas (courtesy of the nursery)….hey, that’s a holiday in my books!!
LOL MIchaela – I was devastated when they kicked me out of hospital only 3 nights after giving birth to Mia. I got 5 nights with Jaden. Oh how I loved being catered for!
Six day / five nights for both (and the second I had three nights at the Sofitel – really was worth it 🙂 )
I not only wished this – I lived it recently! I woke up one morning with a giant migraine and made a half-assed attempt at starting the day (although anyone who has ever had a migraine will know how futile this was). 30 minutes later I announced to my husband that I had to go back to bed. I took enough painkillers to drop an elephant … and then disappeared into the bedroom (and away from reality) for 5. Beautiful. Hours.
All I did in the bedroom for 5 hours was groan quietly as I drifted in an out of sleep … but not having to think about anyone but myself for 5. Whole. Hours. was BLISS
Bliss with a migraine just proves that you have two young kids xx
You know my answer to this. A big fat fantasy-laden YES! Lovely piece – hope you’re on the mend spunky chick xxxx
Thank you Funky Frog
Absolutely I dream about this. I also think a small broken leg would be a gorgeous way to not have to spend my life being a taxi-driver for my kids. Just a little one, with plenty of painkillers, but definitely a cast for sympathy points. Sigh !
No-one gets me out of hospital under 10 days after having my 3 kids. You leave all the flowers in ones room, then get massive headache/hayfever everytime you go to get out of bed but disclose nothing. In the evening place aforesaid flowers out in corridoor for good night.s sleep.
I’m having a day like this now – after a couple of days of slight shiveriness (never checked for a temperature), general pain that narrowed to a specific and more acute pain in one part of my abdomen, and really really sharp headache, I went to the doctor’s today (always seems to take a day to get an appointment, unfortunately). Of course, I don’t feel anything like as bad now, but still tender / hurts to touch, I have a slight temperature, so I’ve had blood tests (apparently could be early stages of appendicitis – but I bet it isn’t), no one wants me at work (in case it’s something viral and I spread it), so I am lying on the couch, reading and maybe I’ll have a sleep soon? (Still tired). Plus kids are covered for evening sports, as I was supposed to be at work, so I don’t HAVE to go out. Not a bad option, if you can put up with the lead up (and still the mind from thinking of all the things I should do, given this unexpected time I have).
Spending 3 nights in hospital 2 years ago as a result of appendicitis did away with my idea of a ‘sick fantasy’ – the hospital ward was too noisy, got woken continuously for monitoring, bed and pillow too hard (the rubber coating under the linen is yuck), the DVT stockings are ugly, the recovery was too painful etc etc. I now fantasise about having a Victorian ‘rest cure’ instead. Or maybe just a fully catered holiday with kids club would suffice…