I have just watched another “viral” ad aimed at telling girls how awesome they are. Watch it when you have time. It’s clever
If you can’t watch it right now it’s an ad for toy company GoldieBlox, which has developed toys and games to “disrupt the pink aisle and inspire the future generation of female engineers.” Debbie Sterling, the company’s CEO studied engineering and was dismayed by the lack of women in her classes (only 11 percent of the world’s engineers are female). The ad basically shows some little girls tossing away the idea of princesses and dolls using toys and household items to create a Rube Goldberg machine.
But as I watched it and started humming along to the Beastie Boys melody they used, I started to wonder about the boys. Where is the ad telling boys that they can be hairdressers and nurses and teachers, primary caregivers and personal assistants? Where are the ads displaying boys that aren’t playing sport, video games or watching TV?
Now stick with me here. Don’t think for a second that I am crying about the “poor middle class white boy”, I’m not. I just want you to think about this.
I know that the fight for gender equality is right and fair. I fully support, and am part of, the feminist movement and believe that women should have equal pay, equal access to jobs, equal treatment across the board.
I don’t think little girls should be marketed to as inferior and of course I don’t think they should just be given pink dolls and princess outfits to play with when they are young. Nor only sparkly nail polish and make-up as they get older.
In much the same way I believe little boys shouldn’t be marketed to as if their only interests are building, driving and fighting. I don’t think we should market only blue toys, guns, swords, building equipment and cars to young boys. Nor only video games and sports equipment as they get older.
There is often an outcry when pink hairdryers (for want of a better example) are aimed at girls. Less of an outcry when toy trucks are marketed to boys.
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And we should continue to reinforce that message. It’s a good one.
But we shouldn’t forget to reinforce strong messages for our boys. That THEY can be anything they want – they can be gentle and kind and emotional and display their feelings. That they don’t HAVE to like sport and violence and drinking games. That they can do anything that girls can do.
And this message gets even more important as our boys enter their teens and grow into the socially accepted steretypes that we normalise through the way teenage boys are displayed in the media.
On the weekend Wendy Tuhoy wrote a column I loved, entitled Do not demonise our boys, she writes:
…there are themes emerging from the latest debate about what is now known as “rape culture” that some parents of boys are finding disturbing, with good reason. The subtext of some of the discussion is that teen boys are such forces of nature as to be potential sexual predators just waiting to happen.
The sense that inside every sweet-faced teenaged boy there is a sex offender waiting to get out is real enough to being discussed among some parents.
…The suggestion that ‘boys are second class now’, even though it arises from the awful crimes in New Zealand and Maryville, Mississippi (where a 14 year-old girl was lured into a basement by older boys, given pure alcohol and raped, along with her 13 year-old friend) makes me angry.
I don’t want my girl growing up feeling threatened by the idea of boys and I don’t want my boys thinking they should fear some potential demon within themselves that they cannot control.
I’m all for Girl Power, but as the mother of a son I’m also keen for him to know that I believe in equality of the sexes. As much as I want him to respect women, to be caring, compassionate, kind and generous, to be happy and fulfilled in all his decisions, I want him to be proud of being a boy, proud to grow into a man. Just as I am proud of the man that he is growing to be.
We don’t have to choose one or the other. Everyone can aspire to be an engineer.
Beautifully put. I have nothing to add.
Love this Lana…. 🙂
Equality is not a competition… it’s just… equality!
Gorgeous Lana. I have three boys. Enough said.
Totally agree. The biggest problem I see is the lack of gender neutral toys. Everything has to be marketed one way or the other, as if girls and boys wouldn’t ever have the same interests.
The comments I get when my son wears his Dora hat, or when he played with his pink stroller are far more common and negative, than when my daughter would wear blue or play with cars, etc.
Great post . I also think it is equally important to tell our girls that they are allowed to be hairdressers or nurses or mummies, and our little boys are allowed to want to drive trucks. It seems we are so desperately trying to push our kids to be ‘all they can be’ that we forget that it’s actually really fine for them to want pink or blue, to want to be a mummy or a cowboy . It shouldn’t matter the role-play our kids indulge in as long as it is healthy, kind and equal
Excellent point!
I love that Kmart now calls the house work etc toys ‘role playing toys’. They have boys and girls in the pictures in the catalogues.
There is an ad campaign getting around called Soften the F*ck Up which is aimed at men and telling them to stop trying to act tough and talk about how they are feeling. I think it’s an awesome campaign and regardless of gender, everyone should be encouraged to talk about their feelings.
As a mum to a boy, I too sometimes feel quite offended that the supporters of the end of rape culture are trying to save one gender while seeming to throw the other under the bus. A male is more than sexual urges. A male has constraints and can make choices. A rapist makes a conscious choice to take advantage of their victim. They hear the word no and choose to ignore it.
I bloody love the sound of Soften The F*ck UP. Going to Google it now! And you make an excellent point about saving one gender while shoving the other under the bus – what happened to equality? xx
Lana this is super, and I feel humbled that something I wrote helped spark an idea for a post. So, so agree that we shouldn’t forget to reinforce strong messages for our boys, there is so much beauty in them too. Wendy
Thank you Wendy!
Thank you for this.
As well as needing to build a future where girls are not fed the gender stereotyping lie, we also have to deconstruct the masculine myth. A large part of rape culture and misogyny is that boys are raised to be men with a very specific idea of “manliness”.
It is this very act that sparks the death-throes of patriarchy we see today. The rise of MRAs in their desperate attempt to cling to the world they once knew.
We men have to understand our gender identity comes from within us. It does not come from any societal ideal. It does not come from what others think. It comes from how we see ourselves.
In order to achieve equality, we have to destroy this ridiculous idea of gender stereotypes.
Thank you for your fantastic comment!
I don’t comment a lot, but i love reading your posts 🙂 This one resonates and you would also know that I feel very much the same way and want the same things….I want my son to grow up being comfortable for the person he is and to respect and treat others fairly regardless of gender…teenage years are so impressionable, but that’s my goal….xxxx (and for him to pass his exams !!)
You have nothing to worry about – your son is already an absolutely amazing young man. You did good xx
Great post.
Love this and whole heartedly agree. I have 2 boys and a new baby girl and I want them all to be whatever they want to be. Lots of gender neutral clothes and toys in our house. The boys love digging in the dirt and playing with the odd doll and cooking and crafting and sewing and they wrestle like wild monkeys and play with soccer balls. I hope they can continue to be interested in what takes their fancy and become great people and not be defined by gender pressure or social stereotypes. Same wish for the baby girl when she grows up. Love your writing Lana x
Thank you Amycakes xxxx
Your children sound magnificently balanced – hardly surprising with such a gorgeous mum
Spot on Lana! I have two boys and my oldest is a sensitive little soul who cried about things on a regular basis. He also loves books, drawing, painting, cars, Lego and told me he wants to be a fart fairy when he’s bigger. I really think it is about balance for all of us in what we pursue in our lives. I think it is important to have light and shade and to demonstrate that in equal measure for our children. They should be given the opportunity to explore whatever their interests are without it being pigeon holed. I am determined to raise little boys who become feeling young men who become grown men with an idea of how their minds and their hearts work. Too many generations of men have been crippled by a lack of understanding of both of these.
Beautiful comment – thank you. And your fart fairy sounds simply beautiful xx