True Confession: I have an addiction

About a month or so ago I was feeling very sanctimonious. I had announced to the world that I was giving up Diet Coke. I felt like one of the healthy people as I reveled in my new-found hatred of drinking “black acid”.

As I scrolled through the scores and scores of articles online I felt better and better about my decision to give up. Diet Coke has been linked to a variety of medical problems, everything from weak bones to kidney dysfunction, acid reflux to reproductive disorders. Researchers have compared the effect of the acid in diet drinks to the use of methamphetamine. I have seen Breaking Bad, I don’t want those teeth.

In one study, people who drank diet drinks on a daily basis had a 48% higher risk of heart attack or stroke compared to those who didn’t drink diet drinks. In another, study the diet drinkers had a 67% higher risk of developing diabetes. Several studies even showed that diet drinks may not be “diet” at all and may actually cause weight gain.

There are entire websites dedicated to Diet Coke addiction. Some full of over the top and largely unfounded accusations against the cola companies, some filled with scientific facts that may have been embellished and some that are just forums for addicts.

I feel like I may have browsed through them all during my sanctimonious stage and nodded my head a lot. I knew how bad it was for me and I was quite enjoying the novelty of water. In fact, before last month I am not sure when the last time was that I drank a glass of water.

But my sanctimony soon turned to something far more sinister. Something closer to desperation. I REALLY wanted a Diet Coke more than I can remember wanting anything else before. It wasn’t the caffeine because I was still drinking coffee and I had no noticeable withdrawal side effects. I simply wanted the Diet Coke fizz. I didn’t just want it though, I craved it with every fibre of my being.

Trading one addiction for another, is a well-known concept in addiction medicine. I have given up some far more serious substances in the past. Maybe I had used Diet Coke to get over all of them… it certainly felt that way.

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During this recent period without Diet Coke I have been thinking about smoking a lot. Smoking is a habit I think I may have finally kicked, but last month I started thinking about how I could have a cigarette in the garden without anyone knowing. It would just be my little secret I thought, but I am lazy and the idea of covering up my stench required to much energy besides which I am really, really scared of dying young and that’s what lead me to give up in the first place. Also my husband would be mortified, I would hate to have to lie to him and doubly hate to mortify him.

I’m not going to pretend that Diet Coke is any better for me, I have read all the facts and even some data that presented as fact but was really just designed to scare me. I eat sherbet and Red Skins for goodness sake, it’s not like I haven’t been known to eat a chemical or preservative or two in my life.

I really tried to give up. I drank so much water I actually got reflux from it.

I tried to drink lime and soda but it didn’t give me the right buzz, er I mean fizz.

I tried to imagine I was feeling better without it but even I couldn’t trick myself.

I tried to give up Diet Coke. I failed.