One of my favourite people in the whole world is Maria. Maria comes to my house, kisses my dog for half an hour while he cries with joy at her very presence and then she cleans my house like some kind of hygiene ninja.
She makes my life easy, tidy and very, very clean but when she doesn’t come over our lives crumble a little. Like over the holidays when she takes some very well deserved time to spend with her family while my family rolls around in the dirt.
To try and pretend that I am not completely dependent on Maria I tried to keep on top of the cleaning myself and, while the house looked nowhere as good as it does when she is around, I think I have learned a couple of things.
- Scented candles cover a myriad of smells.
- Shuffling around the kitchen floor with a wet dishcloth wrapped around your feet does an acceptable job of mopping. It also doubles as exercise.
- Wearing no clothes is perfectly acceptable in Australia at this time of year (at least this is what I tried to convince my husband and son while the washing piled up around me)
- The dog makes a very good vacuum cleaner and he really loves his work.
- Eat Asian style meals because chopsticks are much easier to wash than cutlery. Take aways out of the box are probably the best option.
- If you wash your linen, dry it and put it back on the bed on the same day, that way you never even have to learn to fold a fitted sheet .
- Spend as much time as you can out of the house.
- If you wear glasses keep them off for a while, it makes dust spotting more challenging and you are not expected to face extra challenges during a routine house clean. If you are forced to clean just wear mittens and slide your hands along every surface in the house.
- The dishwasher makes a perfectly acceptable hiding place when guests pop around unexpectedly.
- Closely related to number 9 above – never ever invite anyone over. If someone comes to your door hide your head in the pile of washing and you will never hear them.
- Bathrooms are evil. There is no real way around them especially if there are boys in your house but try encourage them to be accurate. A cheerio in the toilet works well. Never let them use the toilet in the middle of the night when they are sleepy.
- Everyone must brush their teeth using the same basin. Children must be reminded every morning and every night that the toothpaste goes on to the bristly part of the toothbrush and stays there until it onto their teeth.
- Dustbins must be emptied by someone with a strong constitution. Never ever call on me to do the dustbin emptying.
- If you flaunt number 5 and actually cook meals in the house you must not use the oven unless you have encased every ingredient in a leak proof container.
- Leave the vacuuming for a few days so that when you get around to it you get the pleasure of that sound it makes when it picks up the dirt, You also get to see visible results which can be very satisfying.
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So there you have it, the Sharpest Pencil guide to cleaning which makes perfect sense if you live in a Pencil Box.
Do you have any cleaning shortcuts that actually work?
You have Maria, I have Jenny. The dog goes crazy when she turns up! When Jenny is on holidays, I just stop wearing my glasses until she returns, the unit always looks clean that way! And I don’t have anyone over until she’s back from holidays. Sounds perfectly normal to me.
I like our version of normal! x
Don’t have any cleaning tips per se, Lana as I tend to avoid it like the plague, but do have a handy err…devious trick I regularly use to foil poppers-in and impromptu visitors:
I keep the vacuum-cleaner in an easily accessible spot so that I can whip it out and say, casually, “Oh hi, how lovely to see you, especially since I was just about to vacuum and now I’ll put the kettle on instead!”
Now that’s a clever ploy!
I have Jane or Jean, language issues have never really resolved this issue, but i will call her whatever she likes as she cleans my house spectacularly.
We returned home last night after a month away, but Jane/Jean still came every week and caught up on the long term chores I tend to ignore. Kitchen cupboards are all wiped out and tidied, range hood sparkling, basement stairs hand scrubbed (there’s 28 of the bastards, too!), outside area swept & tidied and I’ll find the rest of what she did as the week goes on.
She wrote on my Christmas card that she is “truly blessed that our family came into her life” but I seriously consider that we are the ones who are blessed to have her weekly visits. 🙂
To be honest Maria and I both call her Maria although her other friends call her Lourdes so I think she’s just trying to make it easy for me. She is possibly one of the best things that has ever happened to me and I treasure her like my own right hand! So I get how you feel xxx
My girlfriend told me about the dishcloth on the feet one! Hilarious. It is more satisfying when you can hear the dirt being picked up by the vacuum cleaner. I keep a shopping bag on the kitchen counter for extra smelly rubbish like tuna cans and dog food cans so they aren’t sitting in my bin under the sink developing a horrible cloud of noxious fumes.
I think everyone needs someone like Maria! I need Maria!
I don’t know what I’d do without Julie and her husband David. They are cleaning dynamos and I will be devastated if they ever retire or move or something. They went away on holiday for three weeks in November and I am STILL getting over how bad the house was in their absence.
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