I’ve been watching my Twitter and Facebook feeds with interest and increasing agitation over the last week or so. And as we get closer to Mother’s Day it gets worse.
So much grief about a day dedicated to Mother’s. Or Hallmark.
There are the people who make it absolutely clear that, whatever happens, they don’t want to spend any time with their children on Mother’s Day, likewise the people who are adamant that they are not spending Mother’s Day with their own mothers.
There are hundreds of complaints about gifts not only received in the past, but suggested for the future. Real ire turned towards companies that rely on Hallmark Days to try and sell that extra iron, sandwich press or pair of pajamas. No one who’s ever been near a marketing department can deny that retailers will do anything they can to promote their products. Of course they do – it’s called trying to turn over product – otherwise known as staying in business.
And as for the kids and the partner’s gifts? Litanies of complaints about gifts that are not thoughtful enough, not expensive enough, too practical, too child-centric, too housewife centric. Even I complained on Facebook about my husband asking me what I want for Mother’s Day.
One would think that we’re talking Nigerian girls abducted and sold into slavery such is the amount of emotion we pour into fretting about Mother’s Day.
I am not Pollyanna, I am not even related to her, I don’t think Mother’s Day is about sunshine and rainbows. I know people have issues with their mothers and I am well aware that Mother’s Day is achingly sad for thousands of people.
My own relationship with my mother is fraught with issues from our past. Suffice to say I’ve spent more time in therapy than others have spent complaining about Mother’s Day – and that’s a shitload of time.
This is safe for use as the FDA has clamped down on some more fakes. price for levitra To fight this problem, zenegra is special medicine available which can get erection. ‘Alkem Laboratories ltd’ is the manufacturer of this medicine. cialis generika This kind best price on levitra of thinking lead to complicating the issue and the result is nothing. Don’t attempt to get insurance against STDs cheap viagra 25mg like gonorrhea. But I just don’t understand the passion, bordering on insanity, that some people devote to a single Sunday in May.
Maybe it;s time to celebrate being a mother. Maybe it’s time to reflect on what being a mother means. But maybe it’s time to think about your own mother, wherever she is now and no matter what the circumstances of your upbringing were.
The one thing that no amount of therapy could do for me, was provide the opportunity to become a mother myself and see my mother’s actions and behavior from a completely different point of view.
Becoming a mother has helped me to understand what my own mother went through and her mother before that, and even though we are very different, I know now that mostly everyone is doing the best they can at the time.
I care for my child to the best of my ability, I make the choices that I think are best, I act in the only way I know how. Just as my own mother acted in the only way she knew how.
The best gift that I ever received wasn’t a Mother’s Day gift, it was the chance of living my own life without holding on to the issues of my past. I am responsible for my present and my future, no matter what happened in my past. I could hold on to my mother issues, but it’s not going to change them.
So this Mother’s Day I am going to move on from the anger of having received a recipe book and slippers for my first ever Mother’s Day, I am going to sail past the complaints about children and in-laws and mothers on my social media feeds. I’m going to smile at the catalogues in my mail box and line my bin with their glossy pages and I am going to thank my mother for everything she did, forgive her for everything she didn’t do and agree to let the rest go. And then I am going to concentrate on being the best mother that I can be.
What are your plans for Mother’s Day? How do you plan to spend Sunday?
Well said Lana! Mind you after all five of my (old enough to know better) children forgot my birthday last year I’ve already told them I want a huge fuss. I’m not holding my breath though 🙂
Direct and open is the key! No use wishing for a huge fuss – keep reminding them, in fact give me their details and I’ll remind them 😉
I wonder how much if it boils down to the fact that many wives spend a lot of time and effort on mother’s day? I have bought gifts for mother and mother-in-law, organised the money for the school stall and breakfast (which will also involve me having to get the kids up and out the door early!), and usually would have organised visits and food with respective mother and mother-in-law (we live interstate at present).
After several years of being forgotten on occasion days I just declared ‘no more gifts’ and have been happier ever since. I’d rather know no one made the effort because I asked them not to rather than no one made the effort all!
I’ve asked for no fuss this year but I have to have breakfast with my mum and tea with my mother-in-law because they haven’t asked for no fuss! xxxx
I’m not angry about mother’s day, but I have been guilty of having a whinge about the endless barrage of ideas companies think Mum want for MD. Many of them are expensive and involve things that involve a judgement about Mum or would end up with Mum doing extra work – like irons and vaccuum cleaners (you need to house clean better), gym memberships (you need to lose weight), and hair removal kids (you’re hairy dude). I wrote a tongue in cheek post about things Mums might really like, like champagne, or fun experiences. In all honesty, all I’ve ever wanted is time with my kids and breakfast in bed, even though it’s usually inedible and I have a massive mess to clean up afterwards. And I love their home-made cards. This year is the first year I’m with a man who actually cares enough to help the kids put together a Mother’s Day present and plan for me and I’m really excited – as are they. Even when I was married, it was treated as just another day, with maybe a lunch involved or dinner – with my ex’s Mum. So not angry at all. Just bemused at the commercialisation of it all, and secretly relieved I won’t be feeling left out this year when all the other mothers post photos of their amazing gifts on FB. And seriously? I’d be happy with a sleep in, which I will actually get because Tech Guy will supervise the kids so I can sleep in. Plus the usual home-made cards. And maybe breakfast in bed, minus having to clean it up!
Your mother’s day sounds good, I am glad for you that you are feeling the love!.
It’s interesting to me because I don’t see an iron or a vacuum cleaner as an insult to my cleanliness, I think of it as a luxury to help me clean. I see a gym membership as a place to get healthy not to lose weight so maybe it’s all about different perspectives.
Won’t you pop in a link to your post (although the idea of experiences frighten me) I’d love to read it xxx
My MIL doesn’t believe in Mother’s Day (very commercial) but woe betide the unsuspecting Antipodean daughter in law who forgets to remind her British husband of Mothering Sunday. It’s allowed apparently because it is part of the Easter religious festival and not an invention to sell flowers, like Mother’s Day.
Sorry, was that twitter and bisted?!
My Mother’s Day plans involve a family trip to the farmers’ markets on Saturday to procure provisions for the weekend, breakfast in bed on Sunday, and lots of hang out time with the Blokefolk.
I shall be receiving a lovely jumper (purchased myself but not because their present skills are bad, I just really wanted it and needed an excuse!), something completely terrible from the commercialised Mother’s Day stall, and absolutely not a minute to myself. Just how I want it! X
Sounds bloody awesome (and your mother-in-law sounds hysterical) xxx
Mothers Day for me is 3 little people in my bed presenting me with the $5 gifts they have ever so carefully chosen from the Mother’s Day stall at school and waiting to see the joy on my face. Then they tell me why they have chosen that particular gift for me and I love them all. I love the 4 coffee cups even though I don’t drink coffee, the hideous fairy candle which sits proudly on the cd rack, the odd vase which will hold 1 tiny flower on the bookcase, the crystal and plastic bead sun catcher hanging from the kitchen curtain rod. They are all treasures to me. So I will send them off to school tomorrow with $5 in a ziplock bag and instructions not to get me another coffee cup.
On Sunday we will head to the in laws for morning tea, my mum will pop over in the afternoon after she’s been to see granny at the cemetery. We’ll have leftovers for dinner after hubby’s bday dinner on Saturday and I’ll wash the dishes as usual.
Oh Angela, your comment made me weepy (in a good way). Your love for your family just shines through in every word. Have a beautiful Mother’s Day xx
I’m spending this Sunday actually with my mum because she’s visiting my city this weekend. I’m thinking high tea or cocktails at a fancy bar. I don’t get why people get so weird about mother’s day either. I’m just stoked I get to see my mum on mother’s day this year!
What a great daughter! x
I’ll admit I’ve complained about the marketing and the very limited ideas of what Mum’s might want. In the 19 years since I popped out my first I’ve never gelled with that image. Luckily my family know me better and go with my flow (eg I had my belly button pierced in a dodgy bikie tattoo parlour in the NT for one MD) and I also have a lovely collection of homemade cards and items involving paddle pop sticks and pipe cleaners from over the years. This year I have the joy of my birthday and Mother’s Day on the same day. Personally I want minimal fuss (even my 40th last year was very low key and wonderful as a result). I don’t want pressies and have told anyone who feels the need to instead put money towards the research charity I am fundraising for which is much more meaningful to me and a lot of other mothers with my condition. Our plan involves my eldest coming home from Uni for the day and my youngest having already decided he’s making me breakfast. Add in a cuppa in bed and that sounds pretty good to me.
Happy Birthday for Sunday. What a wonderful gift to donate to your charity.
It would be awesome if you could put the link to your charity here (and in all your blog comments) so people can become more aware of it. I can’t promise a fortune but if I could give you a birthday present for Mother’s Day which is actually for research I’d be thrilled
Thanks Lana here’s the link
https://give.everydayhero.com/au/clicking-my-heels-for-dysautonomia
I always feel a little weird adding it to comments as I don’t want to be pushy.
Thank you for sending the link – and happiest of Birthdays xx
After years of fussing over Mother’s Day, my mother has finally got the message. We go out for brunch (which my sister and I pay for, we’re not that mean) and she gets a bunch of flowers.
The thing I want to know is, where is Daughter’s Day on the calendar? I have done far more for my mother in the past 20 years than she has done for me, surely it’s my turn?
(Just in case people take that seriously, I am JOKING!)
Glad you added that last line 😉 xxx
A thought-provoking post, Lana. I admit to LOVING Mothers’ Day and when my poppets rise-to-the-occasion, I feel very spoilt. However, I loathe the commercial nature of M’s Day nowadays… My favourite gift of all was a ruby ring (with a garish glinting stone and bright yellow fake gold) my son bought me at the school stall. (he then stalked me for weeks to check I was wearing it!!)
🙂
I remember once making my mother a BEAUTIFUL necklace out of melon pips. It was very hard because I hadn’t actually thought to wash it and so it was very slippery. It took hours to make. She never wore it. 🙁
Mother’s day always falls around my Nan’s birthday (this year right on it in fact!) so my mum gets slightly overshadowed by her MIL unfortunately. I’m having them both (and my dad!) over to my place for lunch though so whilst it won’t be the most relaxing day for my mum (my Nan is hard work) at least she won’t have to worry about cooking and will get some presents!
Sounds like YOU are having a busy day today. Hope it goes well (and happy birthday to Nan) xxx
I’ve been reading some of the comments too, and I think it must be hard if you a) have significant unresolved issues with your mother, which are ongoing b) you have recently lost your mother or c) you are drained by being a mother. I guess I can understand all of these – counselling has helped, and in turn, my mother is as open as she is capable of being in discussing some past issues (and she in turn had an extremely challenging mother – and so it goes). It can feel very commercial too – and many feel the pressure of that. I’m lucky not to feel that pressure. Hopefully, too, there is a lot of ‘giving’ throughout the year – whether it’s hugs, drawings, flowers because ‘we were thinking of you, Mum’ – so there is not so much weighing on the day itself (and of course, these things are reciprocated!)
My husband’s mother died three years ago after 20+ years of early onset Alzheimer’s (from the age of 50) so that feeling of loss is present each mothers’ day (I know I, and the kids, would have loved to know her before the disease took ‘the real her’ well before her death, and there definite sadness on Al’s part). It is also always my Dad’s birthday (give or take a day), so it becomes much more than mothers day – its generally a family meal in which we all contribute, give ‘small-ish’ gifts (sometimes ones I’ve bought, including this years, because, like another poster, it was something I wanted and I justified it by saying it was for mothers day), and a time to spend time with my immediate family. It is emails and phone calls with Al’s family – sadly given Felicity isn’t with us now, there isn’t the motivation …
I am still learning how much angst is associated with Mother’s Day and strangely enough discovering that I am being more affected than I thought I would be – I hope you had chance to enjoy your family today and get much pleasure from them (and your selected gift) xxx
Thanks Lana – it was a lovely day (and the gifts were great too!). Rereading my post, it sounds as thought I have a horrible family, which isn’t true. I just have one which is a bit scarred from past hurts (and far better than it has been) and at the core we all care for each other – and that can overcome a lot of issues. It is a blessing (even if there are still outbursts and emotional traumas at times). I hope you had a lovely day too!
Mothers day for me means wishing my mum was still around to be a grandmother to my girls. It means wishing I could thank her and how I know she is guiding me in some way. But most of all it means seeing the love on my daughters faces as they wish me a happy mothers day. 🙂
I read this column from Clementine Ford today about mother’s day when you have lost a mother and it is just so beautiful – hope you get to read it when you have a chance http://www.theage.com.au/comment/a-mothers-love-goes-on-20140508-zr75w.html xxx