Sorry I’m moving into such a beautiful house #notsorry

I suffer (and I use the term very ironically) from white man’s guilt. I was born lucky – white and Jewish in Johannesburg, South Africa with the many trappings of middle class luxury which that brings. I started to feel the guilt pretty much at the same time I was old enough to spell it and it’s never left me since.

I realise every single day how lucky I am to be born where I was and who I was, I know that my innate being has nothing to do with my winning the lottery at birth. Some people are born on rubbish dumps in third world countries, some into hideously abusive situations, others into remote parts of the world with no access to clean water let alone education and the promise of a bright future. I know that underneath it all these people are no different to me – I just got lucky. It’s hardly a huge burden to bear but it weighs on me.

It doesn’t preclude me from hard times and hideous situations and if I was a braver blogger you would know that I had been through those.

But still it weighs on me that I have so much when others have so little.

My husband works hard, so do I. So do people in coal mines and supermarket check outs and thousands of other jobs, but we earn more than them because we were born lucky – we got the education, we got the support and the breaks and the opportunities because of where we were born and who we were born to.

I don’t need to justify myself by telling you which charities we support and how generous we might be because that doesn’t really justify why some people suffer and others don’t.
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This is weighing heavily on my mind as we prepare to move into our big and fancy house. Today I had lunch with my friend Kerri, I told her how bad I felt about moving into such a magnificent house while people were starving. She was kind and reassuring and told me not to deny myself my own happiness. She’s my friend, she knows how much I stress. She said some really wise words which I forgot because I obsessed instead on the negative – the message on my Facebook page from someone who has never met me.

You see, I came home to look at my Facebook page where I had posted a picture of the new house with no intention at all – I was just excited and happy about the move and, as a blogger, I share much of my life with an audience (although clearly not all of it ) . Someone had written something quite nasty referencing my first world problem (do you know how hard it is to choose an exterior paint colour? *tongue firmly in cheek*) so I answered with a smile and came back hours later to see that she had not smiled back. In fact she had lashed out telling me how I had “pretended to be regular but clearly I wasn’t because I was showing off my “luxe” house. There was more to it but her message is now gone so I cannot quote it directly.

I wonder if she realises that the size or colour of my house does not change the person that I am, that where I live or how I live doesn’t make me a better or worse person.

I’m still just me wherever I live and that me is very lucky (and well aware of it).