It’s become almost just words now we hear it so often. 31 women killed in Australia this year, 32 women killed in Australia this year – and now we are at 33. April has not yet ended.
It’s not the total amount of women that have died in Australia, it’s not the number of people dead from freak accidents or hideous diseases. It’s the number of women killed as a result of violence inflicted on them by men, sometimes their partners, sometimes strangers.
It was in March of this year after Masa Vukotic was stabbed to death in suburban Melbourne that Victorian Homicide Squad Inspector, Mick Hughes told Fairfax “I suggest to people, particularly females, they shouldn’t be alone in parks.”
Of course there was an outcry. Why on earth should women have to live their lives any differently than men? And why is it their fault?
People way more eloquent than me penned posts that you should read, like this one on The Hoopla. Me, I simply posted to my Facebook page saying “Hey men, don’t go out alone at night until you can be sure you won’t attack, rape or kill anyone”. The backlash on Facebook was swift, while some shared my sentiment and the post itself, it seemed that a few men were quick to complain that I was being highly insulting, some of them became abusive and nasty. I deleted their posts.
Victim blaming has been a long time bugbear of mine. I still blame myself for countless incidents in my past that, if I heard happen to other people I would console them for days, weeks if necessary and tell them that it was not their fault. But the whole idea of self-blame is long entrenched. As it is with society and victim blaming.
How do we instil in society that when something terrible happens to someone, if they are attacked, raped, beaten or killed, it was never their fault? Not their fault for dressing the way that they did, nor for drinking the amount they did, being where they were or talking how they spoke. No one deserves to be attacked. And no one is EVER asking for it. Ever.
Young people need to be educated not just to report domestic violence, they actually need to learn to have relationships. Men, in particular (since they are doing the majority of the attacking, 1 in 3 women will experience violence in the home) need to learn to express themselves in a meaningful and appropriate manner. And it’s not happening at school.
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As recently as this week we learned that Social Services Minister Scott Morrison plans to axe a program teaching high school students about healthy relationships and domestic abuse. This, on top of the closure of many domestic violence shelters is sickening – but a gripe for another day.
Our government is not doing enough to educate young people about domestic violence and healthy relationships.
The other day a friend of mine alerted me to an awesome group called The Ultimate Work Experience – you can check out their Facebook page here – and I in turn feel like I need to spread the word, especially as the mother of a young boy.
The Ultimate Work Experience, led by Dean Quirke, brings together local businesses and young men in an educational program that focuses on inspiring young men to become the change they wish to see in their lives. Dean previously worked in the jail system in the UK and is a White Ribbon ambassador. His program is designed to tackle the issue of domestic violence by educating and inspiring young men to become positive role models for future generations of men.
Watch and share Dean Quirke’s story.
It’s all about empowering men and giving them purpose. Teaching boys to value their lives which is always going to be a far better idea than telling women to stay at home.
Yes!
As I wrote earlier this year ( http://jajoz.me/men-enough ) this is problem that men need to address sthemselves… we are the problem – we need to change!
This Ultimate Work Experience project seems like a step in the right direction – we need more of these.
My wife and I have been arguing about this lately. She believes that girls and women should invest their time in self-defence classes. Even last night as I was talking about Aisha Ibrahim Duhulow, the 13yo rape victim in Somalia who was stoned to death for reporting her abuse my wife said that if Aisha was taught self-defence then maybe she could have fought off her attackers. She reported two offenders. A 13yo girl up against two men who, one alone would be stronger than her, she never would have stood a chance.
What my wife doesn’t realise is that she also is guilty of victim blaming by suggesting that. My school of thought is, teach your boys to respect girls, no wait, teach your boys to respect other people (let’s not forget about all those one-punch victims and victims of random bashings, most of whom are male victims, but all who were attacked by other men), and if we start to educate those would be perpetrators, then we might win this battle.
But can we win this?
We can win Darrell – with education and eradication of victim blaming. I understand where your wife is coming from because it is sometimes the default position to think “we can prevent this” but prevention should be coming from the criminals not the victims. It’s an old established fall back position we lean back on to blame the victim but we need to move on – keep convincing your wife. IT IS NEVER THE VICTIM’S FAULT nor is their responsibility to stop the attacker.