Maybe it is because I have the emotional maturity of a child that I can’t help seeing most things through the eye of a child. Some would counter that’s why I enjoyed Spelling Bee so much, others would point to my pre sugar-free sherbet addiction, others would just acknowledge my predisposition to the tantrum.
Perhaps it is this immaturity (or ability to see things through the eyes of the child) that reacted so badly to some advice given to women recently in a post headed Habits of Successful Women. Juanita Phillips was quoted as saying that she didn’t allow her children to do weekend sport because “it’s too hard”. “Weekends are for no schedule, fun, frivolity, flexibility and a slower pace” the article maintains.
I can see the merit in slower paced, fun-filled weekends where families get to hang out and bond and make up for the shit pace of the week, but I wonder why it has to be to the detriment of the child. Why they should be made to give up weekend sport because it’s “too hard” for the parents?
Absolutely work hard and build up your career, if that’s what floats your boat, and do what you have to do to make it work – but why should your kids have to forfeit the importance of socialisation, being part of a team and playing sport on the weekend
I have no issue with Juanita herself, I imagine she is a beautiful. caring and gorgeous mother who wants to spend weekends with her kids and who could fault that? But I don’t agree with this one piece of advice. I don’t agree that the kids should have to sacrifice anything of their childhoods so that their parents can fulfil their dreams.
Maybe it’s because it’s part of a wider issue I see in so many pieces on coping with the work-life balance or in the general push towards women claiming their rightful place in the working world. There’s this pervasive message that our lives are so much more important than just being mothers to our kids and we must go out and feel fulfilled, seek our dreams and accomplish all our goals; I get that and, to a point, I agree. But it’s no longer that simple when you have children.
All the articles and columns devoted to telling women how to “succeed” seem to be a bit one sided, they talk endlessly about how important it is that you are fulfilled and have me-time as well as time to kick arse at your job but there seem to be only whispers as to how to “fit in the kids”. I have never thought that kids should just fit in – but that’s just me.
We accuse Gen Y of feeling entitled and demanding but at the same time we demand our right to work under the same conditions as people without kids because we believe that’s our entitlement, we tell our children that we need to take care of our own careers and lives and their needs are somehow less important than ours as we grab our careers by both horns and hope everyone stays on for the ride.
I don’t see how any amount of sugar coating or strident feminist talking can cover the fact that you can’t actually think only about yourself when you are a parent. Of course you don’t cease to be a mother when you go to work and you don’t cease to excel at your chosen career when you are at home with the kids, but your children can’t necessarily see you as someone different when you are at the work place and I wonder if they should have to.
Sometimes you have to incorporate the family into the equation and sometimes that means putting them first. It means never assuming their needs aren’t as important as yours.
Your kids will grow into adults one day but they’ll always have that kernel of child inside them – they may not eat sherbet or enjoy Spelling Bee and hopefully they wont throw tantrums, but we should nurture that child just in case. Adult tantrums are hideous.
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