“I’ll have to wait 11 years before I have a kid free New Year’s Eve again” I overheard a wistful sounding mother say the other day. I felt one of those sentimental pangs you get when your child is no longer a toddler and you’ve embraced that smug “older and wiser” satisfaction you probably don’t deserve.
“Hang on to it while you can” I wanted to say to her which would have been very odd and possibly a bit creepy because (I hope) she wasn’t even aware I was eavesdropping on her conversation. It would also have been awful because I am not a fan of the smug, know-it-all kind who tell you how to nurture/care for/raise your kids. My worst is people telling you how you should feel. Especially about your own kids.
But it was clear her words stuck with me for a reason. My issue wasn’t about the fact that I wasn’t having a kid free New Year’s Eve, in fact it was quite the opposite. I didn’t have a child with me this year and I had forgotten to even notice, let alone earmark the last time I had spent New Year’s Eve with him.
Last year he was with a friend and his parents at a party, this year he’s so old that he was at a party without parents.
Just like that he’s grown up. Just like that I don’t need to “worry” about staying at home to with him him on New Year’s Eve, I don’t have to work out plans around my young child because, just like that, I don’t have a young child anymore.
How much have I missed in those years he was quickly growing up, becoming a teenager, moving closer to independence and further from his parents? So many lasts that I missed without even thinking about them. So many conclusions to chores I used to curse about because they seemed like they’d never end
- The last time I understood his homework
- The last time I had to book a babysitter when we went out at night
- The last time he let me choose clothes for him
- The last time I got to apply sunscreen (now I can only nag him to apply it himself)
- The last time I had to talk to his friends’ parents to make plans for him
- The last time I got to decide what he should eat
- The last time I got to go into his bedroom and find him fast asleep AT NIGHT
- The last time I got to clean up his toys. Or even buy him toys.
- The last time he agreed to come with his dad and me to a friend’s house
- The last time he wanted to see a movie with us rather than with his friends
- The last time he asked us about anything without thinking he already knew the answer…
Therefore, it levitra on line http://pharma-bi.com/category/bi-solutions/marketing/ is important to be completely familiar with the pain. ED or male impotence is a sexual dysfunction, as you have read it is lowest viagra price more than that. Impotency or erectile dysfunction was very problematic few years ago but nowadays erectile dysfunction is a complex viagra canadian sexual problem for a suffering personality, but with Kamagra, the fallouts are mild and short-lived. They are provided with ample materials to teach their kids properly. pharma-bi.com overnight delivery cialis
Don’t think for a minute I want to go back to the days I couldn’t go out because there was a small child to consider, but I wouldn’t mind hanging on to the days right now.
A really smug mum once told me they grow up so quickly and I’d really miss those childhood years once they’re gone. I hate to say it but I think she was right.
Oh Lana! I am so close to all this happening to me. You’ve made my stomach clench. Parenthood is quite the rollercoaster. In a few years your relationship will transform again. I’ve always said how much I’ll enjoy chatting to my kids as adults … though I’m quite happy for time to slow right down now!!!
But Lana you have been telling people how they should feel about thousands of topics for a few years now. The proof is there in black and white on Facebook, Mamamia and your own blog. I don’t see why you would not be willing to tell the mother in question how she should feel. Mind you I would have had no qualms about telling the mother to enjoy her child while he is still a child. You blink and you are sitting at their wedding. Blink again and you’re babysitting your child’s child.
Wow Jennifer I don’t ever remember telling other people how to feel, only how I feel. Sorry you saw it that way
Oh Lana I understand that wistful feeling of our children staying young but at the same time trying to enjoy the stage they are in right now.
Thank you for reminding me to hold on to him while I can.
xoxo
The ‘lasts’ make you sad unless you think for every last there is a first ….
That’s a much better way of looking at it. Thank you
I don’t understand why you have to call other mothers smug. Motherhood should be a time when we share experiences and listen and learn from the wisdom of others. Smug? Just a way of shutting other women down.
It should be – but are you shutting me down or are we agreeing? 😉
Neither. I have no problem with whatever you might wish to say on the topic of motherhood. I object to you calling other mothers smug for saying what they feel or think. Lesson in logic, objecting to name calling is not the same as shutting you down. The word smug is deeply shaming because it means that women shouldn’t feel good about anything they have to say. I agree with everything you wrote except that I think that name-calling is childish.
Lana someone said before me the last is a first, all my babies are adults now and one has her own baby. I remember my first shopping trip to a jewelers with my son for his girlfriend My babies first grown up job interviews, their first real girlfriend or boyfriend their first driving lesson, the day they all got their licenses, their first christmas work do,(big deal for daughter) my baby girls wedding, her first child there is so much more to come so much without the pressure of are you doing it right but its ok to feel as though you lost something even the toughest of us all I think have a wee tear at the fact our wee ones have grown and how we miss them…Until we spend a week looking after that adorable 17 month old you know the one we show off to all our friends, work mates, lady at the checkout, and remember how dammed hard it was juggling work, house, husband and toddler and we get to quit at 5.30pm when mum gets home ah yes those days.. but trust me on this the best is yet to come..
That is the most beautiful comment that made me smile from the inside out. Thank you xxx