Why do men think women want pictures of their bits?

There are some things I don’t think I’ll ever get, like maths, coriander and dick pics. And while I am happy enough to live a life with maths and coriander, I don’t believe anyone should have to put up with unsolicited pictures of someone’s manhood.

The whole thing came to a head (yes, I know) when I read about an exchange between a woman in the UK who wrote a review for a restaurant on Facebook. Shortly after her very innocuous appraisal “amazing food and the staff is so friendly! Definitely recommend” she received a message from one James O’Leary in response to the review. James asked her to check her private messages saying “Hi Samantha, check my Facebook dm please I would like to know your opinion”. It was in that private message that he said “hey” and sent a picture of his penis and then the message “you have pretty eyes”.

All the class.

Samantha tells The Mirror “There’s this attitude that it kind of comes with the territory, but this was so unexpected. I was really confused – what was I supposed to say or do? What was his goal here? I was just disgusted and felt disrespected.”

Although her initial reaction was to ignore it, she realised that was probably the response he expected. “It’s what most women do – we just stay silent which lets the man get away with it. But if this was real life, you would scream and point out the flasher! Everyone would turn and stare at him.”

So she responded by spamming him for an hour and twenty minutes with pictures of men’s genitals that she found online, He really didn’t like this. Because really who would like being bombarded with pictures of genitalia? Samantha, who is originally Australian, took screen shots of her chat with James, censoring the photos herself so they wouldn’t get removed by Facebook. You can see the exchange here.

Her response was brilliant. Not just that she slammed him relentlessly with penis pictures but in that she made her point quite clearly – no one wants to get sent a picture like that, and if it is okay for a man to send unsolicited pictures then surely it is okay for a woman to do the same thing. “Please don’t stop doing it because you’re afraid that you’ll be the next James O’Leary” she wrote after publishing all the pictures. “Please stop doing it because it’s wrong.”

One can only hope that all the James O’Leary’s out there get the message. Too often we keep these things to ourselves and passively accept that this is just the way that it is.
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When I discussed this on Facebook most women had the same reaction – Why? Why would anyone send a photo of their genitals to an unknown woman? Are there people out there who enjoy receiving unsolicited pictures of a seriously ugly part of the anatomy pics? Do men think we are going to look at a picture of their penis and think “where can I meet him and how quickly?”

While there have been no big studies into this very 2016 version of “flirting” or online dating, psychologists postulate that perhaps the anonymous environment promotes casual sexual behaviour – including exhibitionism. Another theory is that “shock value” is a way for men to get attention even if it’s negative. Some men may receive a sexual thrill at the idea of an unknown woman seeing their genitalia and some of them probably masturbate as a part of the act, imagining the woman to whom they sent the picture. Perhaps it’s even a way of seeking “pre-approval from a woman before they meet.

Last month The Cut published the answers straight from the horses mouth, so to speak.

“When all the hints of my desperation have been sent verbally or in text, the logical next move is the dick pic. My move used to be done purely in person: Get half-erect, involve my dick into the conversation somehow, and then urge her to feel it, under the guise of it being almost scientific to do so. But the dick pic is like sending a résumé or even putting up a ‘now hiring’ sign” says 27 year-old Ryan.

“Most of my recent relationships have been from online dating sites. Most initial interactions are by phone and text. If the conversation gets sexual, it feels natural at times to give the girl a visual of my arousal” explains 37 year-old Anthony.

“I send dick pics because — at the risk of sounding cocky (heh, heh) — I have a truly beautiful dick. In a world of tragic penises, I have a stun-gun of a phallus.” Admits 50-year old Kevin (who it should be noted is a comedian).

It’s all well and good that men are aware of the reasons they are sending these sleazy pictures, but perhaps they should be aware that not only are women not interested in seeing unsolicited pictures of their privates, but it is offensive and bordering on sexual assault to send them. That plus we are actively talking about them in the same breath as coriander and maths.