Being present for the joy

It is my son’s 15th birthday today and as such I am sure I am meant to come up with some meaningful and heartfelt post about how awesome he is (because he is).

But he’s fifteen now, which means he’s half man and it’s probably not so cool for me to write about him all over the internet (if it ever was).

So I’m not going to share with you how awesome he is or how proud of him I am. I won’t tell you about how people who come into contact with him rave about him and make my heart swell. I won’t tell you about his compassion and kindness and his sense of humour which surpasses his dad’s by far – and is a teeny, tiny bit of a fraction off mine. I won’t tell you how much joy he brings to the people around him or how .. oh okay I see what I’m doing, I’ll stop.  [Read more…]

Motherhood is not a challenge

If you are a Facebook user you’ve no doubt been inundated with pictures of other people’s kids going back to school – cute, pretty pictures of gingham dresses and school shirts that will never be the same shade of white ever again. They’re sweet to look at and sometimes even evoke a little emotion – although after seeing the 43rd photo of a shy smile in a school uniform it can get a little tiresome.

That’s the thing about looking at other people’s photos on Facebook. Someone else’s kids can get a bit boring after a while (as do their dinners and their sunsets). It’s great to see that everyone is happy and healthy (or at least showing you their happy, healthy moments) but is anyone really that interested in seeing little Timmy’s every single milestone? Everyone? Even those people who don’t have kids or those who have their own kids to look at?

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A smug mum once told me…

“I’ll have to wait 11 years before I have a kid free New Year’s Eve again” I overheard a wistful sounding mother say the other day. I felt one of those sentimental pangs you get when your child is no longer a toddler and you’ve embraced that smug “older and wiser” satisfaction you probably don’t deserve.

“Hang on to it while you can” I wanted to say to her which would have been very odd and possibly a bit creepy because (I hope) she wasn’t even aware I was eavesdropping on her conversation. It would also have been awful because I am not a fan of the smug, know-it-all kind who tell you how to nurture/care for/raise your kids. My worst is people telling you how you should feel. Especially about your own kids. [Read more…]

Lego shoes and 7 other products you do NOT need

I have a confession. I bought my dog from a pet shop. It was 10 years ago and I didn’t know better, I also didn’t know anything about owning a puppy as can be evidenced by the fact that the bank phoned me the day after the purchase to ask why there was such a big amount on my credit card for a pet shop.

Which leads me to a second confession – I also bought everything the pet store told me I needed. Like the ridiculous nappy pads for toilet training, custom made bowls, the most expensive dog food in the world.

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The one parenting “duty” you’ll never regret

Never stop cuddlingSnuggle together as long as possible

These six words recently won the “Sweetest” section in the the New York Times, Motherlode competition calling for The Best Parenting Advice in 6 Words.

It’s awesome parenting advice but I don’t think it’s given enough. Though you will read countless parenting books and listen to exhaustive expert talks, you will ask questions from the nurse when you hand over your blue book and you will discuss the topic of child rearing with every unknown on the internet, it’s easy to miss the the bits that telll you to just snuggle.

And as your children get older, though you will read fewer and fewer parenting books as you realise that you are really good at what you are doing, you will notice that in those books and those internet pieces you do come across, they often neglect to mention snuggling at all.

They forget to remind you to snuggle, and more importantly they forget the importance of snugggling for as long as possible. They miss the very most important bit, so I’m going to give you some advice of my own

  • Snuggle your children when they fall asleep – whatever anyone tells you to the contrary they will still learn to sleep by themselves. There is nothing like having someone who loves you there with you when you drift into sleep.
  • Snuggle them when they make mistakes so that they learn that it’s human to err. And nothing lasts forever.
  • Snuggle them when they come home from school, especially if they’ve had a bad or good day.
  • Snuggle them when you watch TV together.
  • Snuggle your kids when they fall and hurt themselves, show them that love and care will get them through even the painful bits.
  • Snuggle them while you are waiting in a queue, it beats boredom.
  • Snuggle when they are sad and they need a body to crawl into. Show them that sometimes human love and tenderness can heal non-physical wounds.
  • Snuggle them after they win or lose at sport.
  • Snuggle them for no good reason at all.
  • Keep on snuggling them when they grow up.
  • Snuggle them when they come home from a party and need to eat all the bread in the house.
  • Snuggle them when they have a bad day.
  • Try (carefully) snuggle them when they are hormonal and angry for no reason at all. Show them that you are trying to understand.

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It’s often only when the snuggle is less forthcoming that you realise how important it’s been. When you seem to need it more than they do.

One day you will look back and you will see they learned to sleep and eat, and all their teeth came through and they learned to read and write and all those worries and that time we invested in worrying about swaddling and dummies and after school sport and the right lunch box choices means very little compared to the fact that they learned to love and to show love in return.

You’ll never regret a snuggle. But you’ll regret the times you didn’t have one.

What makes people decide to have kids. Or not?

“If you have any friends over 40 who’re thinking of having children tell them not to do it” he said to me. His conviction was strong even though he was clearly over 40 and in the pram next to him was an adorable, cherub-faced baby boy who looked a little bit like heaven.

It wasn’t the answer I was expecting when I bumped into an old friend at the supermarket and asked him how the new baby was going. I could see bub was gorgeous and happy and I had no reason to think dad wouldn’t be smitten in love. But no, he said he didn’t feel that way at all. I am sure that on some level he was very much in love with his son and it was the lack of sleep that was talking, but maybe that’s just what I wanted to believe. Dad was adamant that this baby had been a mistake and it was one he regretted. He felt he was too old for the change to his routine, the crying, the nappy changes, the naps, the baby. [Read more…]

I can’t be trusted without an adult

I have tried to convince myself (and my son) that when my husband travels for work, it IS actually for work. I mean deep down in my heart I know that it’s not fun and it’s awful to be away from home, stressed, jet lagged and in meetings that go on for hours only to get back to an empty hotel room or worse (in my opinion) dinner with people who you wouldn’t ordinarliy eat dinner with. I know from my own fleeting work related trips that there is no fun element to rushing from airport to office and there’s hardly ever time to do anything else.

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We’d never want to believe a mother could be responsible for this

A couple of days ago I posted an update about a mum who has been accused of deliberately harming her daughter . The story appeared on the 7:30 report and has since been published in various media outlets both in Australia and globally.

It’s the kind of story that will always make people feel strongly. A child is allegedly being harmed and a mother has being charged with the offence. It sits comfortably with no one.

When I posted about the case I never named the mum nor tried or convicted her, but I did wonder about the wisdom of chronicling your child’s life for the rest of the world to read. I guess I need to accept that people do that although I will never understand why.

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Our time for parenting is not yet over

Someone once said something about raising children that I’ve found to be abundantly true. “You will always worry” she said. “When they sleep you’ll worry they are sleeping and when they wake up you’ll worry they aren’t sleeping.” I probably heralded this piece of advice because I am a natural born worrier.

I had lots to worry about, but because you aren’t my therapist let’s concentrate on just one thing at a time.

When my son was really young I worried he was shy. He was the behind-the-legs-hider kind of child, he was reticent to make himself seen or heard. I worried he’d be trodden on and his sensitive shy nature would mean making friends could be hard. I was scared. What happened if he got bullied?

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Is watching this little girl a bit of fun or is it an invasion of her privacy?

My maternal instinct is switched to overload which makes me a sucker for other people’s babies and toddlers (I‘m smart enough to know that it is easier to ooh and ahh over someone else’s kids who you just see in short spurts). In fact, I’ve  found recently, it’s even easier to get sentimental and mushy over kids in TV ads and YouTube videos, plus there is the added benefit of volume control and the off button.

And, as you will know, there is no shortage of jaw-achingly cute toddlers being made into viral YouTube wonders if a person wanted to deal with their maternal instinct online. Just yesterday this clip popped into my Facebook feed.

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