Tomorrow is the day that my cleaning lady comes to shout at me. I could not be more excited. I love Maria like Romeo loved Juliet, oh okay maybe not that much but I love her like she is one of my friends. One of the helpful ones, you know – the type that clean your house and do your laundry? But the kind that shouts. A lot.
I realise that I am very lucky to have the luxury of having someone come to clean my my house. Even if she is quite shouty. I also realise that I pay her more than I earn myself but, I realise that she is as good a cleaner as I am a payer and I am as good a cleaner as, well I’m not a good cleaner at all.
Because of her propensity to shout, the night before Maria comes is the busiest (and most nerve wracking) night of the week. Here is the to do list I am avoiding
- Tidy the house so that she does not believe we are messy and slovenly. This includes washing and drying sufficient laundry so that the laundry bin is not overflowing. There is nothing so messy (in Maria’s eyes) as an overflowing laundry basket (in my eyes there is nothing so messy as bad handwriting but that is a post for another day)
- Pack away laundry. Laundry cannot be stuffed into cupboards as she will execute a cupboard inspection when putting away the 8 laundry items left for her. Even if the clothes are clean they must be folded neatly when put away not shoved into the cupboard thereby showing us to be messy. Socks must be neatly paired and folded
- Water and try to resuscitate the plant that she bought me for my birthday. I positively hate this plant and try my hardest to ignore it all week but I cannot let it die or give it away as that would be offensive to Maria who somehow manages to bring it back to peak health each week
- Sort out the fridge. To me, leftovers are one of the greatest highlights of my fridge. They prove I once catered a proper meal and they are a source of many other great meals. Leftovers offend Maria. She regularly points out the dangers of salmonella and asks me why I didn’t eat all my vegetables.
- Practise my smile and prepare alibis and excuses. There is no doubt that Maria will shout at me about something. Actually lots of things. Last week she was angry that I changed the cycle on my own washing machine, that I had bought the incorrect stainless steel cleaner, and the fact that I dared to try and cook IN MY OWN KITCHEN.
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Seriously my best bet is to avoid my own house at all costs on a Friday. But I will get there as Maria finishes, to pay her, hear her berate me and make sure she gets to the bus stop on time to complete her military training supervision.
Do you have someone in your life that makes you help yourself before he/she helps you?
so funny & true – I remember being so frustrated at my mother who would always say to me – Clean Up your room Nikki the cleaner is coming tomorrow. I could never understand why we had to do that.
Now I am a pampered expat – I do not know how to clean at all. In fact my sister in law once called me to ask how I washed a clothing item she knew my daughter had that she had also bought for her children and I said I’d have to get back to her. I have never lived it down…….
Pampered expat? I grew up in South Africa. With Paulina and Sophie living at my home!
I call them all the time for advice
xxx
My grandmother, a lovely lady tended to her house every day. She had the most beautiful garden and there was never a spot of dirt or dust in the house.
She eventually, as she became less and less independant, hired a cleaner to come once a week. But she made sure the house was immaculate.
I think she did it more for the social visit as the cleaner was very chatty and she was alone most of the time following the passing of most of her friends.
Regards
Chris
Maria is wonderful. Her social skills…? Not so wonderful
But she does love my dog and my dog adores her and I truly believe that dogs are the best in the world at assessing the character of people. If that is true – there is no person with a greater character than Maria
I have a Julie. But my Julie never shouts. I love her. But she comes so rarely that I probably need to get myself a Maria in order to whip me, and my household, into shape.
Maria is free on a Tuesday (I am also her broker). However you will need to move to Sydney. She is worth it though.
I think I would have a nervous breakdown if Maria was going to pop over to my house, sure is lucky I am the only one who gets to point out my cleaning short-comings….oh, well, except for my cleaning fanatic Aunt, but that’s a whole other story.
Maria could clean for your Aunt. Your aunt would be proud
I also have to clean before our cleaner arrives. She says she’s strictly there to vaccum dust and clean the bathrooms!
Very important to state your parameters. I like that in your cleaner!
You lovely Maria sound she cares about you as much as she cares about he plant she gave you as a gift, so your home his in good hand, of course le less mess there is for Maria to tidy up, the more time she will have for doing other job around the house, it is also a matter of respect for Maria and this is very nice of you, so far so good, if you feel uncorfortable when Maria step into your own house and lecture you about your untidiness, then you got a problem, then you better off with a Karen or Sharon, they might kill all your plants, and they might let the food root in your fridge, and sit down and have a siggi and have a cuppa while they watch the Ellen show in between cleaning the bathrorom and the chicken, you can relax knowing that if you forgot some mess around the house, nobody will scold you for it, love ooxx
Don’t get me wrong. I love Maria. I even asked her to stay in my house when we went away because she is my dog’s favourite human in the world.
I would rather have Maria (from Portugal) than anyone else in my home.
I’m convinced all some of us really need is accountability. Good post, on a topic my neighbor and I recently discussed!
Thank you. I hold myself accountable xx
I don’t have a cleaner, and after reading that I am damn glad I don’t! Mind you, the reason I don’t have one is because I am a neat freak nutcase and no-one could posibly live up to my expectations. Heck, even I don’t. It’s tough working for yourself when you’re a terrible boss!
You see I knew I loved you. My name is Lana. Backwards it is anal. My house is rather clean and tidy pre the Thursday night clean and tidy. But I still pay someone else to clean again. And iron. I hate to iron but I love to wear ironed clothes and sleep in ironed linen.
I have strong memories of my Mum rusing around the house with the vaccum cleaner yelling at me to tidy my room because the cleaner was coming – thinking about it – thats kind of scary – even if I was 13 – no wonder I’m so messy…
I grew up in South Africa. Our cleaning lady chased my mother with a vacuum cleaner xx
This all sounds very stressful! But worth it for the lovely clean house for the remainder of the week!
Oh Megan, it is only clean for the remainder of the afternoon. Last night we had 12 people over for dinner. This is our hideous habit. EVERY Friday night, the day that Maria comes, my messy family come for dinner
My Maria, (who’s a Joanne) isn’t shouty. She uses the pointed compliment to shame my slovenly self:
“doesn’t that cabinet look lovely without the clutter” or “look how big your bedroom looks without the laundry baskets in the corner”.
And sometimes I reposition the mop bucket or vacuum just so she doesn’t think she’s the only one who uses it.
*blushes*
Oh I love that
*dramatically rearranging cleaning products and pouring the spray and wipe into a different container to render the bottle used*
Mizanthrop I just had the hugest belly laugh from that! Our cleaner finds the vacuum cleaner in the same spot each week!
When we were spending so much time building my house that we were neglecting just about everything at my parent’s place, we decided to get a cleaner. So along came Suzy. We’ve had her for 4 weeks so far and she is very quiet! I’ve only been here once when she was here, and all she said was hello and goodbye!
I have to say though, it’s made us (me definitely!) be a lot tidier overall. When once I would go weeks with papers and clothes on the floor, I now try to avoid that as I know every Thursday night I have to clean it up before she comes on Friday! I still have a giggle to myself each Friday morning when I realise the one thing I haven’t done is put my clean clothes away (which take up residence on the side of the bed I don’t sleep on) which are still there from 2 weeks ago! I wonder if she notices…
If I can afford it, I will definitely be getting a cleaner at my house. Just that few hours once a week vacuuming and mopping floors, cleaning bathrooms and toilets and kitchen makes all the difference!
When we had our old cleaning lady, I used to have to display the book she gave our son prominently on the shelf every time she came over.
It was called ‘Baby’s First Communion’.
We are Jewish.
This is fantastic! I used to be like this but I am now a Professional Organiser… I have to remind my clients NOT to tidy up because it’s easier to help them that way. But we’re all human and want to show our better sides (me too!!)
You have made me roar with laughter, thank you. You have also made me cringe wondering how many people refer to me as their Maria 🙂
haa, I just read this one…. would you believe my last cleaning lady bought me a book called “A Perfect Mess – the hidden benefits of disorder” needless to say she’s not with us anymore…….she became too nosy and tried to erase the line between cleaner and family member.