There is a whooping cough epidemic sweeping across Little Pencil’s school. 5 children in his class have had it and who knows how many cases there are in the school. Well actually I do because the school are very diligent and report every case to the patents
In fact they are so diligent that the nurse has briefed them on how to sneeze (into their elbows) when to wash their hands (after meals and on returning to class) . They are so diligent that they have even briefed the children on signs and symptoms to look out for.
It was after this briefing that Little Pencil came home and had serious words with me. “Mom” he said. “ You have a cold.”
I was nonplussed. I do have a cold. You don’t have to be too smart to tell that. My bright red nose and the stream of tissues in my wake puts paid to that. “You need to have a throat swab” he continued “a cold is one of the first symptoms of whooping cough”
He was very serious and quote concerned. He has learned well. And because I am a neurotic hypochondriac who only wants to make her son happy I decided to go to the doctor.
My regular doctor is away and my other regular doctor (see I told you I am a hypochondriac) works too far away for me to be bothered travelling to when I am not feeling great. So, I trotted off to the local medical centre.
Dr Wiki (as I like to refer to her) sat me down and asked me why I was there.
I explained about the whooping cough at school and my symptoms. She asked me if the school had given the children a brochure. They had in fact emailed one to us and I told her so thinking I would get extra health points for having a diligent centre of education for my son. “Do you have it with you? “ she asked. I told her that I didn’t but they were the same as the ones I had seen in the waiting room. I was beginning to wonder why on earth she needed to know which brochure we received when she said “never mind” and started typing on her computer.
I looked over expecting to see something like www.medicaldoctorsonly.com appear on the screen. No such luck. She logged onto Wikipedia. Yes, my doctor logged onto Wikipedia and started to read aloud how you diagnose for whooping cough.
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I almost ran away. Except I couldn’t because I would have bumped into her. She was leaving the room to go and check WITH THE RECEPTIONIST that the facts on Wikipedia were correct. Presumably the receptionist has her own version of Google Doctor running out the front.
Wikipedia, the receptionist and I agreed that she should do a throat swab (the school had told me this) and after convincing her she could do it through my mouth and not the back of my nose we were almost done.
“Do you still have your tonsils?” she asked after peering down my throat with a high beam torch. “Um, take a guess” I countered. She thought that perhaps I may have tonsillitis but I should wait for the results of the throat swab.
I do not have tonsils.
You don’t have to be a hypochondriac to understand why I have a regular doctor whom I can trust. I’ll get the results of the swab from him.
P.S I don’t have a cough
I’m really surprised she didn’t do a Pap Smear? My (male) Dr always suggests a Pap Smear when I have a cold/tonsillitis/broken ankle.
Kirstyx
My legs were tightly closed! Just in case she spotted my er, tonsils
its scary how stupid some doctors are.
and how on earth did they get a medical degree?!
From the internet? 🙂
Jeepers…… It’s so lucky you have such a great sense of humour Mrs. Pencil!
It’s a bit frightening isn’t it really ….. If one stops and thinks about it for a while….. Best to stop thinking I suggest!
I do hope it is ‘just a cold’. X
Thank you – feeling better already. x
Oh dear. My uncle recently went to the medical centre when he had a scratchy rash on his head and got diagnosed with nits. He is bald.
Love your blog.
Thanks Alice xxx
Wait… are you serious?
sadly I am. 🙁
That’s classic. I love that you have a doctor that is too far way to travel to when you feel unwell.
Am glad that she didn’t do a pap smear anyway. If wasn’t sure if you still had your tonsils I dread to thinj of her approach to finding your cervix.
I know – the far away doctor makes sense to no one. Not even me. But he’s so lovely !!!
That’s really quite funny as long as you don’t think too hard about it … yikes!
I’m not thinking too hard
🙁 Just tried leaving you a comment from my new iPad and it went AWOL!!
I did wonder if Dr Wiki was a graduate of http://www.quacksrus? Poor Lana. It’s almost enough to make you give up hypochondria – there’s no love in it any more. x
Congratulations on your new bloggy look!
With your medical (umm hypochondria) experience, were you not tempted to
Ask..no, tell her to swap chairs & you’d look down your throat.. I know I know just a thought!
Medical schmedical centres with “those doctors” .. I am starting to feel feisty & mad that Medicare pays them to prescribe & diagnose by http://www.drWiki
Seriously stuffed system at THAT place!
Hope you are feeling better v soon Xx
Seriously. Who knew there really were Doctors out there who get their degrees from the Cornflake box?
Maybe I should try that next time a client comes in asking if his bandsaw is tax deductible. Wait a second son, I’ll just check with Wiki, because, you know, actually knowing my shit is just too much trouble.
Hope you feel better soon lovely xx
Could it have been “National Swap Jobs Day” and the receptionist was really the doctor, and vice versa? Either way, it’s alarming.
On Wednesday I went to a specialist travel doctor. I know she was a specialist one as she charged approximately triple the price of a normal doctor. She’d never heard of one of the Asian countries we may travel to, as also reached for the mouse to search for it. (But not via Wiki).
Man, as a nurse, that makes me so mad. It’s how we get seriously I’ll people over “just ill” people. It increases the cost of healthcare overall – you don’t get treatment, it gets worse so you to to ED and instead of having one dr, you’ve got many and nurses and cleaners and linen, etc. So the more cost overall. Which is fine if you’re sick, but stupid to go through all that if avoidable.
I had one of those medical centre doctors tell me to drink lemon tea and bathe my wrists in cool water when I had viral meningitis last year. I went to emerg when I couldn’t walk – by which time I had a fever of 41 and was also quite delirious (apparently I told the doctor he was hot…I am very glad I’ve no recollection of this). Very scary how easily they dismiss stuff, although I guess they also can’t but into hysteria/drug seeking behavior/etc
Hope you’re better soon!
Haha! I hope your doctor didn’t charge you anything for your visit!!
I would like the name of this “Doctor”. She will come in handy for when I’m “sick” and work requires a medical certificate.
Also, did she appear to be quite willing to write out prescriptions?
I’m all out of valium 😉
In all seriousness, my eldest daughter was struck with whooping cough earlier this year which she picked up from pre-school (germapalooza).
Not a nice thing to have.
Hope you feel better soon 🙂
I agree with this comment. 🙂
Considering how hard it is to get into Medicine (and pass exams), it seems like doctors are lacking in a few skills these days. ;-/
Surely it would be common sense to do a throat swab in such a situation?
On another note, I don’t have a problem with Dr Wiki in certain situations. When my husband was diagnosed with Lymphoma last year, his nephrologist used Wikipedia to get some further info for herself (and to tell us) before we saw the Oncologist. I suppose not every doctor can remember every single illness/infection that exists, that’s why there are specialists out there.
But yes, I would totally cringe if I’d have had the experience you did….
One thing I thought was horrible…We went to a Private Hospital for a blood test for my husband. He doesn’t have the best veins but if you are experienced, you can get blood. Instead of checking his veins properly, they took the needle and twisted it around in his arm until they got some blood out.
If I’d been in the pathology room when that was going on, I would have told the pathologysts off big time. WTF! Remove the needle if you can’t get a vein and try again not twist it around in someone’s arm (sorry).
not defending the doctor at all, but did you know tonsils can grow back? I’ve had mine taken out twice!
Also the cough with whooping cough can actually be at the end when you’re no longer contagious.
Mine completely disappeared so that I look like I’ve had them out. I’ve heard some very interesting stories over the years about GPs (and specialists). Guess you have to be an active consumer.
Holyshit! (excuse the language but HOLYSHIT).
I hope you don’t have whooping cough. I have had it, it lasted a year. It took me a number of years to get my immune system back up to speed. My bronchial track is permanently scarred and i get sick now whenever it rains because it has become quite sensitive. My laugh ends in a cough. Just warning you..don’t be frightened or anything, it’s just a permanent pain in the ass!
If you have got it you will find you may have been coughing a while already and it is one hell of a cough that wracks your whole body. Try to do things so that your whole throat/bronchial tract doesn’t get too irritated…try acupuncture also….but mainly rest rest rest. stay warm and dry and have lots of warm soups, lots of fluids and not too much ‘catarrh building stuff because there is a lot of it in there already if you have whooping cough!
p.s the holy shit bit was referring to the doctor…i’d be reporting it!