I am always a bit astounded by the comments that appear online as soon as the smacking debate makes the news again. Granted there are other times that the comments astound (and horrify) me but the smacking issue seems to bring out a lot of defiance and plenty of room for discussion.
Today’s news is reporting that a leading group of New Zealand and Australian doctors from the Royal Australasian College of Physicians are pushing to make smacking children a criminal offence.
Daily Life reports
“The Royal Australasian College of Physicians will call for a legal amendment to give children the same protection from assault as others in the community.
The president of the college’s paediatrics and child health division, Susan Moloney, said physical punishment could escalate to abuse. ”We know that a significant number of child homicides are a result of physical punishment which went wrong,” she said.
Research shows it can lead to depression, anxiety, aggression, antisocial behaviour and substance abuse. In Australia it is legal for parents to use corporal punishment on children as long as it is ”reasonable”.”
Personally I found it interesting (and eye opening) that research shows teenagers who have been smacked as young kids experience more social problems in high school. It is also telling that research shows that a child who experiences physical punishment is more likely to develop increased aggressive behaviour and mental health problems as an adult.
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And I know that there is a difference between smacking and abuse. But I can’t deny that smacking is physical punishment.
But back to the commenters and my own little bit of unsubstantiated evidence based research. From a brief scan of comment is seems that the majority of people who are in favour of smacking are very defensive about it. Bordering on angry. Unlike many of the people who prefer the idea of using other forms of discipline, who seem more balanced in the expression of their thoughts. There are also a lot of men who are in favour of smacking. A lot. I would guess proportionally much higher than the amount of men who are full time carers and in the coalface of the “a little smack on the hand when your toddler is about to get run over after having run into the middle of the road” type scenario which you hear ALL THE TIME.
The repeated mantra of “I was smacked as a child and I am perfectly okay” seems to support the research that people who are smacked as children are more likely to smack their own kids. Does it also mean they are more likely to experience mental health problems like depression or anxiety, to display aggressive or antisocial behaviour, have substance abuse problems and abuse their own children or spouse? I’m not sure.
But I am sure that being a parent is a privilege not a right and and their are certain duties that come with that privilege, like taking care of your child’s physical, emotional and mental needs. You can’t blame your parents, your situation, your addiction or your hideous childhood and abusive spouse. You have to be the best parent you can be – not the same parent as your parents were.
And after reading the comments I have seen in the media today, I still wouldn’t smack my child.
Are you a smacker? Do you think I have stereotyped you unjustly? Where do you stand on the smacking divide?
Lana, every time I blog/write about smacking, the amount of anger directed at me leaves me reeling. The consistent message I receive from far too many parents online is precisely as you have stated it – “smacking never did me any harm! And who the hell are you to tell me I can’t smack my kids.”
Yet the research clearly shows that smacking kids is related to any number of challenges for kids, including (as you say) social challenges, aggressive behaviour, and depression. Specifically, kids are more likely to be bullies if they’ve been bullied. There is a positive relationship between smacking and cognitive challenges, behavioural challenges, academic under-performance, and crime.
Honestly, I can’t believe that we’re having this debate! Smacking kids is indefensible.
We can’t hit other adults. We can’t even hit/kick the dog. Yet there are people arguing it should be ok to whack a child.
Countries that have legislated against smacking have seen violent crime and gaol sentences/convictions reduced, with the best examples being some of the European countries that began outlawing smacking in the late 1970’s.
Rant over.
Thank you for your rant Justin. I echo every one of your sentiments
I avoid any smacking debates mainly because the comments horrify and scare me.
If I could I would like to bring those that agree with smacking to come spend a day at work with me with children that have been smacked. There is bullying, anger, scared, and so many behavioural issues to overcome. Like Justin states the evidence is in the research, some just chose to bury their head in the sand. It’s easy to say “it never did me any harm” and continue to smack.
Thank you Natalie – on subjects like this I really love reading what people who actually work with children have experienced
“Smacking never did us any harm!”
Except for turning us into a generation that thinks it’s OK to hit kids that is.
You summed it up in one!
I’m 100% against smacking. I had a look at some of the comments on the Essential Baby facebook page and they just made me sad.
The comments are frightening aren’t they? And as I said above I think you can read a lot into them
NO smacking here either – except when the 3yo tried to cut the power cord to the computer.
I was hit daily as a child. Did it have an impact on me? Yes!! Of course it did, it was awful. And I am 100% against smacking. I just do not see any justification for it. I’ve never laid a hand on my children and I never will. My mother feels terrible for using smacking, it was all she knew at the time and she is now absolutely against it. She apologises to me all the time but what’s done is done and I don’t see the point in making her feel worse for something she clearly regrets.
I don’t know how you would enforce the law if it became illegal but I do support it. For the people who say that it didn’t harm them, I would argue that the very fact of them wanting to hit their own children is proof that it did plenty of harm. One of the most disturbing things I’ve ever heard is parents who say that once their child gets to a certain age they are “too old to be hit now”!! What’s up with that?? It makes me terrified to think that there are some parents out there who think it’s okay to hit a small child.. surely smaller means defenceless? It’s a very difficult debate.
You make such a valid point Alice! The whole “you can only hit them when they are small” argument is such a power play and it’s a horrifying use of power and size
I am going to go against the grain here. Actually I see nothing wrong with giving a kid a smack. I’m not big on sitting little Felix down and verbalising the errors of his ways as he stands there before you throwing the world’s biggest tantrum. Sometimes, one sharp, quick light whack does settle the situation. Obviously there is a major difference between a smack and a semi-fatal beating and I believe that your average parent also understands the difference.
With todays modern young Mr & Miss, I honestly believe that you can pick the difference between the kid who has been given the occasional whack and those who haven’t. My experience is that the kid who has experienced a little corporal punishment is generally far better behaved and more socially aware than the kid who hasn’t.
Obviously I am going to disagree with you Bradley and I would counter that if you met my son you would be able to tell he had never been smacked because he is polite, well behaved and he respects me and other adults as we respect him.
I respect the fact that we can agree to disagree about the subject. Your son may be an exception to the rule, but as I indicate, I can only refer to my personal experiences.
I don’t know about that Bradley. The kids I see at work often get a yelling and a walloping and they are often publicly whacked because they are delinquents. Clearly it doesn’t work well unless the entire parenting strategy is calm and controlled.
I do recall a family friend as a child being spanked calmly with her errors explained and chances given. Her parents were extraordinary though and the kids grew up to be wonderful. I would say the latter is more common though- with the yelling, verbally abusing out of control parents . I can’t see how banning smacking will help though as the damage would also be from the bad parenting verbally abusive dead beat roll models.
We were smacked a lot as kids, including with a wooden spoon, cane or belt. I knew I didn’t want to smack my kids, but I didn’t know what else to do. It took a lot of research on my part, lots of reading, going to community parenting courses and a family counsellor, to develop an alternative method of establishing boundaries and consequences for my sons. I found that I didn’t just have to learn about alternative techniques to use with the kids, but I had to learn some pretty critical self management skills too – how to deal with my own emotions and regulate anger, frustration, embarrassment, and so on – before I could consistently apply these alternate techniques. It wasn’t easy or quick and I still have days where I shout a lot and stomp around. I am a university educated woman, with a kind and supportive husband who is a good dad, all our essential needs are met – and yet we still found it challenging. Not everyone has the personal skills and knowledge of alternatives to move beyond physical punishment. I think we need to focus a lot more on offering support for parents to learn these other skills. Simply outlawing smacking won’t fill the skill gap.
Wow. What an amazing mother you are. Parenting is not easy, and as I said before it’s not a right – it’s a privilege and look how hard you have worked to ensure you use that privilege correctly. I agree that support is essential but I take comfort in knowing that there are people like you who actively strive to learn different methods of coping and that there were facilities for you to do that.
Yours sounds like an awesome family – acknowledging and facing your challenges with insight is really the best that we can do
I can’t believe we’re having this debate. It’s a no-brainer isn’t it? And what does it teach our kids if our only solution is to hit them? I smacked my 2 year old daughter once and I shocked myself so much that I never did it again. My girls are 10 and 12 and we’ve found other ways to teach and discipline. And they’re not always the same for each daughter either – they’re so individual and they respond differently to certain situations. You’re right Lana, when you say that parenting is a privilege and a huge responsibility. We don’t always get it right and I for one worry about the hangups I’m giving my girls on a daily basis, but I’m damn sure they won’t be from hitting them.
YES! This is one topic that can bring out such strong strong opinions! Seems some people love to defend their right to discipline their kids physically.
Whilst I am against smacking I cant deny I have done it. Not since my kids were less than 5 or 6.
I always felt ashamed after doing it, like a bully and that it was a knee jerk reaction rather than a well thought response to a childs behaviour. I have since found much more effective ways of modifying undesirable behaviours in my children.
I disagree that you can distinguish between a child that has been smacked and one that hasn’t.
I have seen some abhorrent smacking of children in public by parents who cannot control their own temper and hate to think that if parents have no problem doing that in front of other people, imagine what happens to the child at home?