I don’t remember the last time it happened, I don’t have a record of the date or a clear time in my head of how long ago it was. But, I can remember the minute details because they were always the same
Little Pencil and I got into the habit of going to the park after school. Our jaunt was a mix of practicality and guilt. We needed to walk the dog and needed to alleviate the guilt I felt for “neglecting” my child when I was working full time and unavailable.
These park visits were different to the excursions we made to the play equipment when he was a baby – he was much older , far more talkative and he kicked a ball when he walked. The journey to the park was a chance to debrief, to chat about our days and connect in between stopping to pick up the dog poo (just throwing that in lest you believe I’m romanticising how it went down.)
When we got to the park the dog would lie down and chew on a stick (he’s not as fit as we are) and Little Pencil would instruct me in the minutiae of soccer. How I should use my foot, which part of the foot should be facing the opponent and which part should be striking the ball. He would get me to stand in the goals and try to defend his shots while I screamed and yelped when the ball came toward me – pretty much reinforcing any stereotype he had been privy to of a grown Jewish woman defending a striker.
Little Pencil would delight in his role as coach, he would take it very seriously and was at great pains to tell me of every formation his soccer team and how they had moved at every point.
He never EVER got tired. Even when it grew dark and we couldn’t see the ball and the dog was literally begging to go home for dinner.
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In between screaming at incoming balls and telling him to play by himself or with the dog I would check my phone, send a tweet, check Facebook. Respond to emails. I still pointed my foot in the right direction and played along while attached to my phone, but in truth I was as unavailable as if I had been in my office.
Little Pencil still loves going to the park with a soccer ball, he just doesn’t love to go with me. I’m a bit passé, it’s like he finally realised that I am really bad at soccer or that he’s at the age where things are a lot more fun with his friends who will listen to him talk endlessly and not shriek when a ball comes towards them.
And I realise that I forgot to treasure our last time there because I thought it would never happen.
So I go to the park with the dog and I wish there was someone begging me to be goalie or at least explaining the formation used that time Liverpool defeated Everton.
And tonight when he begs me to play a board game I am going to say yes. As long as it’s not monopoly.
AND like all of us….turn your phone off!
Baby steps 😉 xx
Oh honey this makes my heart hurt a little. I’ve had plenty of lasts in the past few years. I find it is the sneaky lasts that often hurt the most.
Isn’t it just? It’s like that saying “you only realise what you had when you lose it” xxxx
I know what you mean. I could never enjoy the pushing of the swings, or the fun of monopoly or the need to understand the minutiae of dinosaurs or the solar system or Star Wars. Now that moment has well and truly passed me by. Not to worry, the dog still loves being with me and the kids have moved out of home. With love from the cruise ship xxx
The thought of him moving out of home horrifies me but then the thought of cruising without a child….. Hope you are having a blast!
Great ideas even if you cant play soccer at least you are there in spirit – and company is the best part of going dow there for all of you
Thank you xx
Beautifully expressed – thankyou. In an effort to hold on to our “last times” with our growing boys, we have one night a week that is dedicated to completing a jigsaw puzzle as a family. The picture we build is more than the one that grows on the table top xx
What a beautiful idea! And I love the way you’ve expressed the picture. Storing that one away for sure! xx
This makes me sad Lana. Although my boys are small, they still seem to be growing up much too fast and I have been mindful to enjoy the little moments with them lately. Your post reminded to keep it up!
It’s hard to do in the day to day isn’t it? Retrospect is a wonderful gift. Thankfully my son is still young(ish) enough to enjoy many more brilliant moments even if they aren’t at the park xx
Wow, so touching and true Lana. You’re quite a sharpie!
I’m a huge fan of Sam Harris who has a great analogy for this experience. It’s from 3:00 to 4:40 of this video (although if you have a free 4:40, you might enjoy it all).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7qX_d4TDmz0
Monopoly. Ugh. I’m with you there. My son once played a game that went for a week. Cannot. Do. It. Anymore.
Beautiful post, Lana!
It’s interesting, I had this conversation with my Grandma a few days ago. My sister (who’s 3yrs younger than me) and I are the youngest of Grandma’s grandchildren and she was saying to me how she remembered taking us on day trips and picnics and things when school holidays were on when we were younger.
She told me how she thinks back on the last times we did certain things and remembers back on the things she did with us when we were growing up.
Now she says she’s thankful for those younger things and the photos and memories from what turns out to be the last time we did those things, but looks forward to making new memories with things we do now that we are older. You know, the picnics and park outings have turned to lunch visits and coffee chats with biscuits and the conversations about school, toys and animated movies have turned into older conversations about life, work and our own memories.