I have completely misplaced my memory.
This has come to my attention once again since my friend Kerri Sackville started a little blogging game called #MyFirst. Every Monday she provides a prompt for herself and other bloggers to write about their first experiences in a raft of different subjects. I really want to join in but I can’t because I cant remember anything.
It’s not that I even have a bad memory. In fact, on the contrary, I don’t forget much if it happened in the last 10 years or so. I have the opposite of dementia where people recall the past easily but have difficulty remembering what they did the day before. Or where they put their keys. I always know where my keys are and I can tell you exactly what I did on the weekend right down to the clothes I wore and the food I ate. But I remember very little of my experiences between the time I was around 12 and 17, which is quite long time.
Just the other day my mother was showing me some pictures of her second wedding that she had found when moving into her new home. I appeared in the photos of course but I could not remember the ceremony taking place, let alone my being there to witness it. In fact, as far as I knew, my mother got married in court and there was no more to it. The pictures prove otherwise but I am highly suspicious that they may have been doctored. Sadly everyone else seems to remember the wedding.
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Psychologist types will tell me that I had some trauma and I have protected myself by not remembering a lot of what happened. I know this because this is what they told me. Also I know it because it’s true.
It’s a strange thing missing a complete piece of your life or feeling like that period in time belonged to someone else entirely. I think about the young girl living a life that she won’t really remember as an adult and I feel very protective of her. I want to take her in my arms and talk to her, guide her, listen to her. But, aside from the obvious fact that I can’t, I reckon she won’t even remember it; and in the end (after quite a bit of work) it all turns out okay, except that she wont ever be able to take part in Kerri’s My First series.
Have you ever completely wiped something from your past?
This may surprise you, but I have blank periods in my personal timeline as well… for example, I actually can’t remember many details about my early years with Rhonnifer… the photo from 1994 I posted this morning ( http://johnanthonyjames.com/post/70122885425/the-good-life-a-wish-fulfilled#.Uq6yYfQW2So )? I couldn’t remember where that was taken… Rhonnifer knew, but I had completely forgotten…
I have no idea why I can’t remember some details like that… certainly no trauma… I jus think I wasn’t paying attention sometimes…
I’d be happy not remembering details… it’s the full years that frustrate me. Your posts was simply beautiful BTW
🙂
I have MASSIVE gaps from my memory. MASSIVE.
My gaps, however, are as likely to be from last week or last month as from my early years. The bane of my existence. I think that’s partly why I write so much, to ensure I remember. Most of the time I read back on my posts/columns are have NO recollection of having written them.
I know what you mean. I have some blanks in my life recollections too, but I do recall with real angst and clarity, some episodes in my adolescence. I think it’s because it was such a period of fraught insecurity! The later gaps are when perhaps, my life was a bit bland. 🙂
Better bland than insecure! xxx
I remember a lot of what happened to me, and my sister is one of those people who remembers everything that ever happened in our lives growing up, so if I can’t remember I just ask her. Quite convenient really.
The joy of siblings. Neither of mine are very good at recollecting stuff and when we all try we have such different versions of the truth its almost like we never lived together xx
Even though I’m at the ‘time of life’ when women are supposed to begin losing memory I actually remember everything in fine detail. That’s how I know I’m always right when my husband and I have an argument about something that happened in the past.:)
Ha! I know I am always right just because I am 🙂
I’m sad for you twice, that something may have happened which then caused you to lose your memories of such a formative time. I am more your typical ‘can’t remember anything recent’ Swiss Cheese brain- so much so that often I read my old posts as though someone else wrote them. I didn’t expect my recent life chronicles to do that already! :/ xx
Sometimes I wouldn’t mind forgetting my recent life chronicles 😉
Finally got to read this article and I can fully relate. I have very little memory of primary school, just brief images. Even high school holds not too many memories. I used to joke with my sister that maybe something bad happened to us when we were kids and we’re blotting it out as she also doesn’t remember a lot. Then again, I couldn’t tell you what I had for tea last week either…maybe I’m a goldfish 🙂
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