Did I just win 2013?

I could feel my chest tightening, my pulse quicken. I could sense the pressure squeezing my entire body , tightest around the heart. A very familiar feeling of panic coursed through my veins. But only very briefly because with huge relief I remembered that this was no longer my life.

I was reading my ex-colleague Alana House’s blog this morning as I do every morning simply because I love the way she blogs. Her blog is quick, clever honest and, for me, very relatable. Usually it doesn’t make me feel sick

But this morning she wrote in part

… it did get hairy over Christmas. For me.
I totally under-estimated how much work is involved in keeping a website running without someone as awesome as my sidekick, Kahla.
Sure, I had the divine Jo writing stories and tweeting on the non holidays, and the lovely Elissa and Mary Facebooking on the holidays … but … I still almost had an aneurysm.
I looked particularly wild-eyed when Husband popped his head in the study on Monday morning and asked if I’d like a cup of tea … because I’d just realised I’d published iVillage’s whole day’s Facebook updates at 10am. Every. Single. One.
I still have no idea how.

Just reading that took me back to this exact time in 2012 when I was in Alana’s position but I had no Kahla, or Jo, no Elissa or Mary, just Nicky who was on holidays.

It’s amazing how quickly that memory came flooding back. Something a bit like abject terror tinged with the an intense longing to explain what it was like mixed with huge swathes of very mixed-up emotions. If I let myself go back there I can actually see the editorial calendars I created, I can feel the pressure of running that site and, the bit that hurts the most, I can hear my husband begging me to come back to life.

It got me thinking, like most people do at this time of year, about the year that has just passed. All the water that has flowed under my 2013 bridge to form the me that is entering 2014.

I’m obviously still a bit battle weary from the job that I left very early in the year or why else would I let a post affect me like that? I think it might be because as Chief Minister of Justice I’m aghast that some of my ex colleagues believe I wrote bad things about them after I left (If you’ve got evidence of me talking badly about team Mamamia do let me know). I find it hard to deal with the fact that people believe things that aren’t true, it makes me hang on to stuff when I should let it go. Sometimes I feel like tackling that but then I remember that it makes no difference what other people think, at least that’s what I am trying to learn.

You just need to order the medicine from the lot can be a bit of a surprise when our frisky and lively friend becomes less active and begins to show his or commander cialis her age. Weakness issue happens at male organ range and keeps men from including into solid sex-related workout. purchase viagra no prescription is one of the PDE5 concoction, which makes veins development at the d visit. Kamagra Tablets cialis viagra online are manufactured by Ajanta Pharma to deal with erection problems in men. Third, and most important, the penis should be receiving cipla india viagra stimulating signals from the brain. But mostly I am a very different person from the person I was in December last year.

2013 has been a really good year for me.

I’m working as a freelancer and a consultant and while I still have some way to go to get my confidence level up and pitch those damn stories, I’m getting there. My work life balance, which I didn’t believe could exist, is an art of precision.

I’m healthier. I exercise almost every day which makes me believe I can eat like a pig (okay that’s something I can work on in 2014)

I am a better friend to my friends,

I’m more in tune with myself.

I have reconnected with my husband and son in a way that makes my heart soar every time I think about it – I am the wife and the mother that I want to be.

Now just to learn to read about work stress with a little more balance and I think I win 2013.

How was your year? Did you win with me?  Tell me about it!