Every parent’s biggest fear; a child being approached by a stranger online. The stranger’s not just chatting to the child, he’s actively (and surreptitiously) corrupting him). And this time it’s not just an urban legend that a friend of a friend of a friend heard about her friend’s friend’s child.
NSW Police report
Police from the Sex Crimes Squad’s Child Exploitation Internet Unit have arrested and charged a 48-year-old Neutral Bay man for soliciting child abuse material from a 14-year-old boy in the United States.
Detectives will contend that during December 2013, the man, using the assumed online identity of a teenage girl, engaged a 14-year-old New York boy in online conversation via a social networking site. During these conversations, the man allegedly encouraged the boy to perform sexual acts into a webcam. Shortly afterwards, the man posted a recording of the boy onto a video sharing website.
;He then sent the 14 year old a link to the video, before allegedly threatening to send the video to the teen’s family and friends if the teen did not perform further acts on camera.
During this period, the man continued to pretend he was a teenage girl.
The 14 year old reported the matter to his parents who duly informed US Law Enforcement authorities. The Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) examined the case and determined that the person purporting to be a teenage girl was based in NSW.”
The man was arrested on 16 January, granted conditional bail and is scheduled to appear at the Downing Centre Local Court on 13 February 2014.
My first reaction upon reading the story in last week’s papers was horror. And respect. Horror that men like this exist and respect that the child told his parents what happened and helped to locate this piece of vermin.
And then I started to think. Should I get my son to read the article in the paper? Should I talk to him about what happened and reinforce our internet safety messages for the 178th time? Should I remind him that not everyone is who they seem to be? Should I tell him again that although most people are good there are some really hideous people out there?
I don’t want to bury my head in the sand and I don’t want my child to be swaddled in cotton wool and believe that everyone is perfect (actually I do) but I don’t want him to think that the world is a bad and scary place where everyone is out to get him because it is simply not true.
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What I found truly astounding was that no matter how many people I talked to about the dangers of meeting people online there was one story that was common to each group of people that I spoke to. Nobody could tell a first hand story of someone being approached by a stranger online (this is not to say that it doesn’t happen) but every group of friends I spoke had a scary first person story of being spoken to, followed or harassed by a stranger while walking to a friend or home from school when they were young.
In the 1970’s/80’ before the internet, and probably before the founders of Facebook were even born, my contemporaries were being approached by creepy strangers in person. It’s not a new crime and it’s not the fault of social media. Of course the internet has made this online advance become more insidious, the whole concept of video sharing was non-existent when I was younger. I know that the possibility of escalation online is not only possible but also probable.
Education is vitally important so, just like I learned if somebody was following me I should turn around and walk the other way, go to a safe place and to write down the offender’s registration number I will always teach my child internet safety. I won’t let him use his computer alone in his room, I’ll convince him (I hope) never to send a picture of himself to someone he doesn’t know , never to give out his name, home address, phone number or school online. I will reinforce the fact that he needs to tell me or any other adult if there is something causing him to be uncomfortable and I will remind him that pressing send is more permanent than having a tattoo.
I’ll even show him these images from French child advocacy group, Innocence en Danger, which were created to draw attention to online predators. The images are actually created to remind parents to be vigilant about who their kids are talking to online but I think the imagery and the distortion of the icons he uses all the time will appeal to him…
I won’t make him read detailed reports of cases before the courts. I will be grateful to the Child Exploitation Internet Unit and the police for the work that they are doing in uncovering these criminals. I will remind him of that.
But I wont stop him using the internet and I won’t let him think the world is a dark, sad place.
How do you deal with your kids and social media especially when these horrifying stories come to light?
I spoke to my son about it and emailed him the article that was in the SMH. He is two years older than your son. He said .. “I KNOW about that stuff mum”. He played cool and suave. He made out that I was helicoptering. Yet it resulted in a conversation that reiterated what his school has pumped down his throat for a while – diligence. That is all we as parents can do.
Such a balanced piece. It’s so easy to lose perspective and panic when you read those type of horror stories. Smart approach. x
Fortunately, boys like your son, who has attentive, cyber socially aware parents are probably much less likely to suffer this disgusting scenario than kids from a less invested family… and I’m sure there are plenty around. Openness is the key as far as I’m concerned. Societies created fairy tales hundreds of years ago to scare the willies out of kids from talking to strangers and other potentially dangerous activities. We, unfortunately, have real tales to tell them and I don’t think we should hold back. Love your thoughtful posts 🙂