I sat down at my computer this morning thinking about what I could write for my blog, I felt I’d been a bit heavy lately and was going to try be funny but then I read about the passing of Charlotte Dawson and I just feel sick. Sad. Stunned and sick.
I have long suffered from some pretty shit serious depression, hospitalised for it many times over. I never speak about it. I’m not even going to do that now. But I do know that swamp of blackness that seems impenetrable. I know the feeling of not being able to carry the weight of air, of not being able to lift your legs to walk. I know that feeling.
I know about bleakness that cannot even be considered close to sadness, of emptiness that cannot be explained. I know those days that have no beginning and never end.
I know that Charlotte Dawson was a brave, brave woman. It is not yet known how she died but that’s irrelevant because we know how she lived – with serious, at times life-threatening depression. And she owned that illness in a world filled with people who judged her punished her without even knowing her
Nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors, nobody knows what you are feeling inside, how you are coping or what’s behind the façade you carry.
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Rest in Peace Charlotte Dawson. Only peace
Please remember the number for Lifeline 13 11 14. You are never alone
It’s such a difficult subject, isn’t it because no one wants to see anyone in pain (well no one decent, anyway) but there is no easy fix either. Such a complicated issue that draws so many into its web, with an inadequate system and so much helplessness on so many sides.
You prove your own point well Lana, I had no idea you’ve been in such places and I’m so sorry to hear it.
One thing is very clear and on that point I couldn’t agree more: people can indeed be kinder and more compassionate. And of they can’t, the very least they can do is keep their worst sides to themselves. Xxx
Thanks so much Twitchy xxx
Kindness is everything. Beautiful piece Lana.
Gut wrenchingly sad…
Be kind to each other people……xxx
Just beautiful. I’ve been sobbing all morning.
Bless you Lana. You always find the right words. Kindness rocks. Love D xx
Thanks Denyse xxx
Kindness has such power and yet is used so sparingly in the modern world.
Thoughtful piece on a terribly sad story.
Swamp of blackness, the weight of air and days that have no beginning and no end. I know those feelings all too well, Lana. A bit of kindness every day from others and for ourselves is just what we all need. I adored Charlotte from the other side of my screen – her spunk, her honesty, her humour. Thank you Lana for once again writing the right words and making me feel just that little better xo
I hope those feelings are very few and far between for you xxxxx
Beautifully said, Lana.
Thank you for that brave post.
I don’t think anyone should ever underestimate the dreadful black dog and pass it off as a phase or simple life complication. Poor Charlotte. I loved her. R.I.P.
You articulate it all so well. When you’re depressed, even being surrounded by loved ones and good intentions can have you feeling so alone. Kindness is everything. RIP Charlotte.
Beautiful post about a beautiful and brave woman.
Such a sincere, evocative tribute to Charlotte, Lana – to all those who experience depression and despair.
Kindness is a mantra that all should embrace. xx
lana your beautiful heart shines through your words,always.
May it be your strength when things are heavy.
May it be your light in the darkness.
May you always feel the love and kindness you give others.
Xx
What a beautiful comment. Thank you so much xxx
sweetheart. Numb. xxxxx
Beautiful words Lana.
I’m haunted because one newspaper did publish how she died. No dignity there.
Charlotte was my online friend and I will miss her.
So very sad heartbreaking I know these feelings so well like a ghost it sneaks up & takes over but it never leaves I call it the dread may she find the peace in death that life could never give – all that glitters is not gold – take care of yourself Lana
Thank you Karla xx
Wonderful words Lana.
In the same vein: be kinder than necessary to everyone you meet, for everyone is facing some kind of battle. If only more people tried to live like this……………
Too true!
Thank you for sharing a very private part of yourself. The people who suffer this kind of depression will feel less alone understanding that many – many people suffer from this.
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