This birthday there was no cake

Yesterday a friend dropped past the house to drop some swimmers off for her son who was coming around later that day for a swim (and because it was Little Pencil’s birthday).

“Let me quickly come inside and see the cake” she said as we were chatting outside the front door. “I know it will be amazing”

“There is no cake” I said.

I could tell she couldn’t quite believe me, I am the mother that has made cakes for every birthday – not just iced square pieces of sponge but CAKE cakes, think beach balls, skate board parks, wrestling rings (okay that one was quite easy), Harry Potter – you name it, I baked and iced it.

And then there were the birthday party invitations. 3D affairs that took days (if not weeks) to compile, carefully and individually worked on for ages in advance with themes that were mirrored in the party food, décor and cake. Think one of those over-the-top Pinterest type mums? That’s who I was every February for the past 13 years.

But this year my child is 14 and he is a “legit” teenager. And while he will always be my little boy he is not so much a little boy in his own mind. Now he’s a “man”, he’s too cool for parties and cakes and invitations that belong on mantelpieces.

When I asked him this year, with wild Pinterest type excitement building in my core, what he wanted to do for his birthday he kind of shrugged his shoulders and said “nothing”. I felt the tear on my apron strings, but I was strong and put on a brave front. “Why don’t you have some kids around to swim, we can order pizza and mum and dad will stay upstairs spying on you out of your way”.   “Maybe” he answered.

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It’s a bit symbolic the lack of cake (he insisted on that fact) and the lack of organised party. It’s like the sweet, neat part of his childhood is behind us and we are facing a whole new world.

Teenagers are not that sweet, life is not as tidy and neat as it once was. He is bigger, messier, more complex than ever before. And while I once balked at the idea of parenting a teen for this very reason I have seen that there is little to be afraid of and much to savour and enjoy.

His personality is more complex, there are nuances and traces that make him that much more interesting – he is still amazingly sensitive and compassionate at the same time as being laugh out loud funny and confident but he is all that with a maturity that makes him easy to be around. He’s not my baby anymore but I’d choose him to be my friend – he’s a really good person to be around.

He’s opinionated but with intelligence, he’s louder but with smarts, he’s older but with wisdom.

Of course there are the very many trying times – he’s got a teenage brain and can back talk for Australia. We still have many lessons to learn together, many mistakes to make, prizes to win and roads to travel. But I have every confidence that now that I’m not so busy writing invitations and baking cakes and he’s not so busy discovering what kind of person he is going to be, we are going to do all of that so very well.

I am infinitely proud to be his mother, I never dreamed I could love a teenager as much as I love my young man.