Would you want your son singing this song? Joining this group?

Trigger: Hideous misogynist song lyrics

As my son progresses into his teens our talk as parents has moved from issues like extra curricular activities and braces to scary things like alcohol and parties. It’s a reality we have to confront; however much we preach abstinence and think “not my child”, it’s happening. And even though we went through the very same thing when we were teens, now that we are the responsible ones it seems very different. Scarily different.

So when the first drinking episode occurred in my son’s year group at school talk began in earnest about rules we are implementing, punishments we would dole out, fears we have for our kids and you know, general talk about locking them up in soft padded cells with no outside access and no internet till they are 18. Or maybe 21.

Everyone agreed unequivocally that no alcohol was the rule. But not everyone agreed about the effects of alcohol and the messages we should be giving to our kids. What shocked (and saddened) me most is that some of the parents worried most specifically about the girls and things that might happen if they were drunk. Trouble they may get into if they “weren’t in control” or what would happen if someone took advantage of them. And it wasn’t just the parents of daughters.

I may have had a few conversations in heightened tones about victim blaming and responsibility. I still find it hard to believe there are people who believe girls should dress a specific way or behave in a certain manner to avoid getting “unwanted attention from men”, but sadly in the current environment it’s not that surprising.

Just this week there have been reports from a high school in New Zealand where teenage girls have been told to lower their skirts to knee level so as not to “distract” male students and teachers and an audience member on Q&A asked if we need to stop telling men to be violent and start telling women that they are responsible for “choosing” a violent partner.

And while women are being blamed for dressing the wrong way or choosing the wrong partners, these awesome young men are painting  the background picture.

News.com.au reports

A handful of Philip Baxter College students from Sydney’s UNSW were captured on camera chanting about wishing women were “holes in the road” and wanting to “cream them by the dozen”.

News.com.au understands the incident took place on a bus during an annual “Boys’ Night Out” event on Friday.

The students — who are reportedly residents of the college — aren’t visible because it’s too dark but they can be heard loud and clear in the clip obtained by news.com.au.

“I wish that all the ladies were little red foxes and if I were a hunter I’d shoot up in their boxes,” they chanted.

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At least one man can be heard objecting to the deplorable behaviour, asking, “What the f***?” as others continued to yell the verses.

“I wish that all the ladies were holes in the road, and if I was a dump truck, I’d fill them with my load,” the chants continued.

“I wish that all the ladies were bells on a tower, and I was a bellboy, I’d bang them every hour.

“I wish that all the ladies were sheep in the grass and I was a kiwi I’d do ’em up the arse.”

Meanwhile students at Melbourne University are trying to remove a Facebook page which rates the appearance of students. Daily Life reports

Ms Blandthorn, 28, has started a petition on change.org calling for the removal of the Hotties of Melbourne University page, which has been signed by more than 1000 people.

Ms Blandthorn said the page – which has 13,000 followers – promotes predatory behaviour towards women.

…She was particularly disgusted by a comment underneath a female student’s photo that referred to hunting. “Shoot me with tranquilliser right now before I go out to hunt!” it read.

Another wrote: “this bloke doesn’t take no for an answer”.

Men have also detailed the sexual acts they would like to perform on students, and revealed the location of “hotties” so they can be picked up.

I like to imagine that instead of worrying about our girls dressing modestly or not drinking too much we focus on raising kids who believe no one should drink so much they start singing misogynist lyrics, we should be raising kids who don’t rate women online and talk about them as objects. We should be teaching our kids not to place the weight of the burden on the victim.

I’ve also thought about how drinking can lead to out of control behaviour and rather than thinking girls shouldn’t drink (when the are old enough) I’m trying to teach my son that no matter how much he drinks or how “out of control” he is, it is never ever acceptable to act without consent and respect. Sober, informed consent and respect.