I’ve long subscribed to the belief that women over 50 should dress any way they like. After fifty years of dressing and a lifetime of being told how to act, how to dress and how to speak, there comes a time when you should be able to dress in whatever makes you feel comfortable.
But my hard line belief has started to take a bit of a battering lately, and interestingly that coincides with my creep towards 50. It’s not that my body is starting to show its creep – my arms are not quite as taut as they once were, my skin has known many a good summer and my whole frame has known the joy of many meals savoured, and devoured. But quite frankly that’s what a body who’s been around for half a century looks like. That doesn’t worry me.
But as I approach 50 my son approaches his late teens. And in that there has been many a lesson for me. Yes, I am more than just a mother, I am a writer, a wife, a friend, a sister and a daughter. I wear many hats but the hat that most defines my behaviour is the mother hat. And as that mother I tend to look at things a little differently – not just how they affect me, but how they affect my son and how he forms an opinion of the world given what he sees going on around him.
Yesterday as I looked at pictures of the Red Carpet at the Met Gala I felt 189, in fact I felt like the mother of all mothers just gasping at the outfits and wondering how they would get through the laundry cycle at me place.
But the one that caught my eye was of course Madonna, the artist, the performer, the fashion icon and the mother. She wasn’t wearing very much and I wasn’t that surprised because she’s Madonna and that’s how she dresses. And she has every right to do so.
I don’t think Madonna should dress “like a mother” or like a woman of 57. In fact Madonna can dress any way she likes. But why she chooses to dress in a similar way to the way she dressed 30 years ago makes me wonder.
Lol…………..Met Ball??????? pic.twitter.com/pCULCRMcJ1
— Madonna (@Madonna) May 3, 2016
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I discussed this with a friend who argues that there are no uniforms for people of different ages, no reason an 18 year old and her mother can’t dress the same way. But I disagree.
From the age that girls become aware of their sexuality and their bodies they need to forge their own identity and their own image. Kids dress a certain way as they grow up and in tune with their bodies – they are more “out there” not because they have taut, smooth bodies, but because they are young and finding their way around their bodies and around their own style
But there comes a time, where I think your idea of who you are, what you stand for and how you come across is expressed in more than your clothing. In the same way, I believe there are clothes that are more suited to a statement made by a young person and a statement made by an older person.
And wearing the mother hat, I believe it is important to show our children that we are more than just bodies in clothes. I don’t need to wear bumless pants to show that I am a woman in touch with her sexuality. I don’t need to dress the same way as my son’s mates to feel youthful. I need my son to know that I have grown up and am comfortable with what that process has taught me.
I don’t care if you don’t like my saggy knees or my tuckshop lady arms but I do care if you think I am not proud to have lived for almost half a century.
Wear what you will but own the fact that you are old enough not to have to dress like you did 30 years ago.
Thank you for articulating something I was struggling with, Lana. Totally agree re Madonna at the Met Ball.
Thanks Alana xxxx
i have a relative who used to sunbake naked in front of her late teenage male children. would have been perplexing and confronting for them. Madonna is madonna but she is a mother too – but must be hard having a mum dressing like a pro
I cannot even imagine my own mum sunbathing naked when I was a teen!
I guess we have to remember that Madonna is a performer and probs doesn’t do the school run dressed like that. I’m thinking she feels that sort of thing is her industry uniform. I’ve embraced the kaftan look lately which I assume is sociably acceptable for a fifty plus bogan. There are some very sparkly, nice kaftans around. My motto is, if my nineteen year old daughter is wearing it, I’m not.
Yeah, I am more interested in the idea of us regular mums than Madonna. She is an exception to most rules. But I am with you – I don’t want to be dressing like my daughter (even though I don’t have one)
Yeh I agree. I’ll wear any damn thing I want to, but I draw the line when I feel like I am in competition with my daughter. She’s fit and fine and in her 30’s. Not only do I not want to wear her stuff, it just wouldn’t fit, figuratively and literally. Sometimes I do wonder what happened to my favourite clothes from ‘back then’ ….must have chucked ’em out or maybe someone sewed 2 or 3 skirts together to make one funky patchwork outfit and I am now buying ’em again. Oh dear.
Completely agree Lana.
I struggle with Madonna and many others who don’t seem to get that there is a line. The thing for me is that some times more can be stunning. Madonna has an amazing body I get why she feels the need to wrap gaffe tape around her legs and just wear that – though she is a little late to the party on that one Cher did it in the ’80s. But for a woman in a custody battle for her 15 yr old son who can’t understand why he doesn’t want to live with her perhaps a look in the mirror might be the answer.
Sure it is her wardrobe for on stage but surely even she can see there are some amazing stunning dresses out there that she can still make a statement with!
Like you Lana my son in 15 this year and I do find myself thinking will this impact him with his mates will his cool rating go up or down. If I think my actions or clothing will have a negative impact on the kids then that is my line. I am 45 not 15 as much as I wish I was much younger (with what I know now!). I don’t for one second think that at a certain age people should cover up but sometimes it is appropriate to think about others.
I wasn’t a fan of what she wore but more so because it looked poorly made, (which may be some high fashion thing I don’t understand given it’s the Met Gala) especially in comparison to similar outfits such as Lady Gaga’s. But I say more power to her. She’s Madonna. Her kids would have grown up with her as Madonna the performer doing outrageous things as well as Madonna the mum behind the scenes. In a sense their normal, their whole lives are something so completely different and removed from my own that I can’t really pass judgement on something that’s likely so foreign to my own experience. If she feels confident to wear that or a garbage bag, why not? I can see her wearing something similar or streaking through Times Square at 90, personally I think that’s pretty awesome. In a more real world context, I’m still a few years from 50 (turning 43 next week) and just bought a mini skirt from Jay Jays with the help of my 18 year old son (I’m mostly in a wheelchair now so needed his lanky arms to reach up). He didn’t bat an eyelid, even when his mates came in to buy clothes at the same time. He and his 21 year old brother, know I’ve always been a little left of centre in a whole host of ways, they simply think it’s just a mum thing and as my health has deteriorated they have helped facilitate or instigated a whole range of weird adventures. Their mates know and equally don’t care. So I guess what I’m trying to say in a rambly way (sorry haven’t had my second coffee yet) is while I don’t often wear black gaffer tape and see through mesh, or attend Met Gala’s, if I chose to my kids would support me, probably laugh their arses off, but they’d just go with the flow. It’d just be mum being mum and so far they tell me that I am yet to embarrass them. I hope I have that much confidence and as few fucks to give when I get to Madonna’s age, hell I’d take a bit more of that right now.