Rachael Finch is making headlines today for comments that she made in Sunday Style magazine.
The Herald Sun reports
On weekends, from Friday afternoon until Sunday morning, the two-and-a-half-year-old stays with Miziner’s mother, Irena. Violet’s great-grandma (Miziner’s grandmother, Elizabeth) is also on hand if the couple need some extra childcare.
“She’s just turned 85, and she walks down to our house and takes Violet for a walk,” Finch tells Sunday Style magazine.
“Every weekend (Violet) goes to Mish’s mum’s house, and we get our weekend to ourselves. I think that’s incredibly healthy for the relationship. And on Sunday, when we pick her up, we have 100 per cent energy back.”
This is not meant to incite hatred or nasty comments towards Rachael Finch in any way because she really doesn’t deserve that. Her weeks and weekends are very different to mine and when she spends time with her daughter doesn’t affect me at all. Plus Violet is surrounded by love and care and who could hope for anything more for their own offspring?
What I am surprised about is how many people are saying that they wish they could have the weekend off from their kids. I am not judging but I am really trying to understand.
Why do people not want to spend time with their kids? Yes, it’s tiring, exhausting even. Yes, it’s unrelenting and often quite boring while at the same time being very stressful, yes you can’t do all the things that you did before you had children but that’s because, quite simply, you had a child.
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Maybe it’s rich for me to say because my child is so grown up and as they say “time heals all wounds”. Maybe I have softened and reshaped my thoughts through the rose-coloured lenses of time and I forgotten being woken at 5am every morning with a needy person who wants milk, then toast, then a game, then a walk, then a puzzle, then a story, then another piece of toast and it’s not yet 5:30.
But maybe instead that time has given me clarity and I can see that the 5am wake ups and all that follows in the day, the full intensity of parenting a small person, is very soon over. The days really are long, there is truth in that – but the fact that the years are short seems even more shockingly true when they are over.
Bringing up a child is not all sunshine and roses. Every age, while bringing its own milestones and learnings brings its own downsides and frustrations.
For us there were hideous health problems in the beginning, he never slept through the night till he was 4 years old. (I never got a full night’s sleep for over four years, let that sink in.) He had problems with food and weight gain. He was so painfully shy I thought he would have to be housed under my skirt (it was the only place he was happy), he was impossibly difficult to handle at times, he got sick, he wanted to play a LOT of boring board games, he woke up early, he nagged, he fought sleep every night, he made us worry and he frustrated the hell out of us. Like every child does to their parents. But I look back at it and it was so damn fleeting.
And when I look back I don’t remember all the downsides and frustrations as much as I remember the huge smiles, the gurgling, and the laughter that bubbled like a brook. I see the smiles he created in his wake, I remember the joy in his face when he discovered something new, I feel a pride I never knew existed before he came into my world. I remember when he needed me to help him get dressed or make his lunch, when he couldn’t go to sleep without a story and a cuddle. I remember when I was the centre of his world.
He’s fifteen now and I could not love him more, his personality has formed and he is an amazing young man, he is fun to be around, his conversation is scintillating and as humorous as it is intelligent. I would choose to be around him even if he weren’t my son – he’s really good company.
But I am no longer the centre of his world. My role in his life has changed as completely as he has from the time of birth to now. And that is as it should be. I’m glad I spent my days with him, I’m glad he was with us every weekend, in fact I would rather love just one more weekend that I had him to myself. But that time has passed – because really the years are very short.
I am in a different situation to Rachael – I’m a single mum working four days a week over five and I find the juggle quite exhausting, so I must confess I enjoy having time to myself. We spend every Saturday together and I try to make the most of it – baking with my daughter, taking the kids to the beach, walking the dogs together. On Sunday, they go to their dad and the day is mine to spend alone, with friends or with my new partner. At first, there was a giant hole in my heart, but I’ve learned to embrace the chance to recharge.
Before I start I just want to say that I recognise that every family and every relationship is different, so my comments only pertain to myself and are not any way passing judgement on anyone else or their parenting.
I have three kids (big now, so no trouble at all!) When they were little I have to admit to wishing for some time off. Maybe not every weekend, I’m too much of a control freak for that, but once a month would have been heaven back then. And probably good for my kids too.
My eldest child had a lot of medical, sleep and (eventually) learning difficulties so parenting him in the early years was exhausting and I fear I didn’t cope with that as well as I could have. In the first couple of years after my youngest was born I was also dealing with caring for a terminally ill parent. I feel like if I’d had some regular respite, I would have been a better mother to all three of my boys.
We got through those early tumultuous years and are all very close now, but I hope when they (especially my eldest) look back on their preschool years they remember something other than an exhausted stressed out mum. Because I fear a lot of the time that’s what I was.
They will remember your love – no doubt about that. xxx
I agree with all the comments made above although I personally could not have every weekend without my children… There are so many great things to do on the weekends as a family!
I am a mother of two gorgeous boys (2 & 5). I find it very exhausting & I too feel like I come across as a stressed out mum at times.
Having children is a complete blessing yes and we have great times together.
Seeing them grow, learn and change is a truly wonderful thing and I wouldn’t change it for the world but there needs to be some kind of balence to enable us to be the best parents we can be.
I think as a person let a lone a mother, to appreciate anything in life, you need to have a break.
To have a day of rest where you can do something enjoyable for yourself or together with your partner should be done if your lucky enough to have family or friends around you that can babysit.
Yes the years go by too fast and before you know it that moment is gone but you will appreciate your life and even children more in that moment.
Remembering yourself or yourselves before you were parents is so important as well as spending time raising your children.
Perfectly put xx
Hell yes! I want the break from all the thinking I have to do. Having them around doesn’t worry me so much but everyone looks to me for meals, drinks, you name it and for crying out loud they have a more than capable father (quite seriously I can be in bed with a migraine and they will bypass him!) So I would love a break from all the thinking that goes with the family!