I’m not old enough for this

March 25, 2014 by 6 Comments
braces-for-children-and-kids

These are not my son’s braces. He wouldn’t let me post them

There are times I don’t feel like I’m responsible enough to be a parent. Maybe responsible is not the right word. Maybe it’s grown up. I’m not grown up enough to be a mother. Let alone the mother of a teen

There are thousands of everyday examples of this, like when I buy lollies for myself and hide them from my son, or when I cry to my husband that I can’t win at Rubik’s Race against Little Pencil or when I have no clue as to how I’m meant to respond to, well anything.

But nothing brings out my non- preparedness like a trip to the dentist. Today I discovered a trip to the orthodontist is a million times worse.

Like most “normal” people I’m petrified of the dentist. Unlike most normal people I can’t disguise it very well.

Like most parents I want to protect my child from anything that hurts him. Unlike most parents I can’t do this because I’m trying too hard not to faint, cry or run away.

We walked into the orthodontist today and Little Pencil was so nervous, I was petrified but at this stage I was still able to function in quite an adult-like manner. I told him it wouldn’t hurt (much) and that I’d be there holding his hand. I told him it was nearly over (my coping mechanism for anything I find hard to deal with) and that the rest of the day would be filled with sunshine and rainbows.

It’s a funny thing how you can really take on the emotions of your child. And when I say “you” I mean “I” – it just makes me feel better.

Being in the orthodontist’s rooms filled me with the fear of the dentist even though I knew I wasn’t going to have to open my mouth – only my wallet.
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I really struggled to see my son even lying in the dentist chair. If I try and analyse it (and I do) I wonder if it’s because it fills me with that same fear I had when Little Pencil was in intensive care as a baby and I was absolutely helpless and petrified as medical teams and machinery swamped him – and brought him to full and good health.

I gave him my hand to hold as he lay in the chair but really it was me that needed to feel the warmth of his hand in mine, me that needed to feel his hand to know that he was going to be okay. As they shoved his mouth full of instruments I had to look away. I knew I couldn’t cope.

They offered me a seat and they told me to take deep, calm breaths.

Little Pencil just lay there with his mouth shoved open with a giant clamp-like thing. It was the longest time he’s ever gone without talking. And he took the entire episode in his stride. He didn’t get his maturity from me.

I felt claustrophobic, scared and very, very young.

And then he got out of the chair and took a selfie of his new braces and the maturity started to full my veins again.

I took him to school and then raced back home to do the bits of mothering I really excel at – I made chicken noodle soup, vanilla pudding, chocolate milkshakes and smoothies and I scoured the internet for soft recipes that his metallic teeth can cope with.

And just like that my little boy has top braces on his teeth so he’s really not a little boy at all.

Filed Under: Featured, Parenting

The things no parent should have to see

March 24, 2014 by Leave a Comment

“I wish I were immortal” my son said to me one day as we walked through the city centre.

Thinking he might have chosen immortality because he wanted to live a long time into the future or because he was really afraid of death I questioned his motivation for eternal life.

“I want to be able to jump off really tall buildings” he explained.

For that he wanted eternal life. TO JUMP OFF BUILDINGS. Because you see, Little Pencil is a thrill seeker.
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Filed Under: Featured, My Views

Sad, Glad and Had (me thinking)

March 21, 2014 by 7 Comments

sad glad and hadIt’s been almost a week since I came home from my amazing trip to the US and of course it feels like we never went.  We’ve started planning the next holiday of course because there is nothing quite like a holiday to make you want to do it all over again. Except the unpacking and washing part, nobody wants to do that again.  Or the flying part.

I am sure I am not the only person whose fear of flying has just been intensified a million times over. I cannot begin to think about what happened to those people on board MH370 and what they must have gone through before their almost certain demise. Their families and their loved ones are living a nightmare. How do you even ease that sense of horror, foreboding and sadness they must feel?

It’s almost worrying how easily I can move on to the next subject…

A while ago I was looking back at my week in a post that I put up every Friday (or Saturday if I was slow). I loved the post but it felt a bit too samey to Mamamia’s Best and Worst so, this week while I was looking for ways to divert my attention from my son’s increasing surliness at dinner (hello teenage hormones), I saw this idea to play Mad, Sad Glad and talk about the things that made you mad, glad and sad that day. Okay I actually found that while looking for something else completely and if I tried to play that game with my family both my husband and son would take the opportunity to leave the table and go watch repeats of Top Gear. But I have decided to play it here with a twist because mad and sad are too similar – so let’s play Sad, Glad and Had (where Had means “something which had me thinking”).

Complicated enough? .

Let’s go..

Sad

The thing that won my sadness race this week was this status update that I saw from Stacey Roberts the genius, beautiful human behind Veggie Mama. The status read “Dude doing the BBC international news tells reporter “owing to who they’ve elected into government, it would appear the majority of Australians agree with the current treatment of refugees”. So ashamed and embarrassed and pretty well pissed off right now.”

It wasn’t Stacey that made me sad. It was the fact that people think this is true of Australians.  Just like Stacey I am ashamed, embarrassed and pretty well pissed off.

Thank God for Charlie Pickering who says things like this

charlie pickering

Glad 

I don’t speak a word of Gaelic

Didn’t stop me watching this a billion times and feeling glad every time I did.

Had (me thinking)

My friend Kerri Sackville wrote a brilliant post (because she always does) about lying – and how you are possibly complicit in the lies that you are told. You can read the post here.  I am REALLY good at reading people, in fact I have read some people for Kerri! I think my radar for fools, liars and disingenuous people is very, very high in fact it may be my secret super power (far better deal than my lame secret power which is waking up two minutes before the alarm goes off) .  But it did make me think though about all the people that I had forced myself to like and trust and, well that made me feel all churned up inside and like I wanted to go back in time to those people and tell them that I see right through them. But of course I am far more mature than that so I just sulked a fair bit.

The other parts of my week that bear talking about were

  • the excellent parent teacher interview I attended
  • I made a perfect white sauce the other night
  • I went to see a Jewish comedian who made me laugh at myself. Went with a brilliant friend and our boys. Good night indeed
  • I had my hair cut and I have Lego head
  • We had a dog door installed and my dog is laughing and laughing at me
  • I went to Melissa Doyle’s book launch the other day and was only a tiny bit intimidated. She is tall. Proper tall. And lovely (tall people do not intimidate me by the way – just smart people)
  • Kerri Sackville stole my sunglasses

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How was your week?

 

 

 

Filed Under: Featured, Week that Was Tagged With:

Not the type of school letter you normally see

March 19, 2014 by 8 Comments

blackboardDear School That My Son Attends

I don’t suppose you have received many love letters before, even on Valentine’s Day Cupid doesn’t shoot many arrows into the heart of a school, so don’t be alarmed. There are just a few things I need to tell you from my heart.  I know it’s quite nerdy, and some would say sycophantic, to write a letter to your school and even though I am a bit of a nerd and I have been known to suck up to the right people from time to time, this letter is born neither from my position as nerd nor from my brown nose. This letter is born from sheer and complete happiness.
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The best analysis on Beyonce’s Drunk In Love lyrics

March 16, 2014 by 7 Comments

Thank god I’m not alone. Truth be told there had been whispers before, but at least now I have proof that I’m not alone in just not getting Beyoncé

Granted my sisters-in-arms are markedly older than I am (although just having recently stepped off a 14 hour flight we look remarkably similar) but I think their reading of the lyrics of Beyoncé’s latest hit  helps define everything I’m having trouble with. Except of course her dress but I’ll get to that later

Take a look

Nice lyrics when you look at it like that. Or when you don’t. But now I’m going to get serious.

When we hear songs with lyrics that may offend our delicate children’s ears we are quick to denounce the teeny bopper stars. We complain about the way Miley Cyrus dresses and pokes out her tongue, we slam people like Rihanna for taking off their gear and posting selfies of themselves in bed. But Beyoncé tells us that she is a feminist and so we seem to accept that she can behave in any way she wants because, well because FEMINIST.

But in truth her lyrics are not just explicit they may be deemed offensive.

Time.com reports

When Beyoncé and Jay Z opened the Grammy Awards ceremony … with a performance of their song “Drunk in Love,” it sparked an immediate conversation about CBS bleeping the song’s language and Bey’s chair-dancing skills but …, a far more in-depth debate has resurfaced about the song’s lyrics.

This order 50mg viagra is important as you should know that the medicine you only need to take the dose when you are actually in need as its over practice or daily practice may bring extreme side-effects. These are few of the natural ways of treating impotency and if you follow this then you can avoid those male enhancement products which female levitra are prone to side effects. Look at the look on her face when viagra online without prescription you curve over. -Don’t wear socks, as you may slip when holding the positions. -Don’t consume a considerable measure for no less than two prior hours Yoga. Bleeding in menstrual which is heavy as the symptom of it, function of luteum of corpus often cause the disease, for women online viagra canada in period which is called child bearing. Does the raunchy ode to drunken sex make light of — or even go so far as to endorse — domestic abuse?The controversial lyrics are in Jay Z’s verse on the song: After comparing himself to Ike Turner, he sings the line “Eat the cake, Anna Mae.” In the Grammy performance, she chanted the line alongside him.

Even before the Grammys brought the song extra publicity, a rep from a British radio station told E! that their radio edit of the song would cut the line in question because they didn’t want to “condone” domestic violence — but the headline-grabbing performance has brought the song back into the spotlight, particularly because Bey sang along with the Anna Mae line. The Guardian‘s post-Grammys take called the lyric “disturbing” and “distasteful”; at Bustle, they describe her complicity in the offending phrase as “gross misconduct.” At Colorlines, the lyric and the Grammys performance were interpreted as evidence that the star — who has been vocal about her feelings on gender equality — is less of a feminist than she might appear. (Nobody has put forth an argument that “Drunk in Love” is talking about domestic abuse at the Carter home; rather, the idea that an actual case of abuse could be used in a suggestive joke implies that Beyoncé either doesn’t think domestic violence is that big of a deal or, at best, she doesn’t give much thought to the consequences of her words.)

I’d love to hear Beyonce talk about these lyrics because while she may be penning articles on feminism, she’s not answering the people who want to know why she’s condoning domestic violence in her performances.

When Kim Kardashian (and yes, I agree Beyonce has talent that Kim doesn’t have) had a baby and then posted pics of her post baby body people went all Mother Grundy and cried with comments like “why show your body/ where’s your baby?” but Beyonce has a baby and trots around with very little on and those same people coo – “aw, she’s stunning she can dress however she wants because she is a feminist and it’s her choice”.

I don’t get it. I don’t see Beyonce as an icon to feminism, I don’t see her as a role model I would want my child to look up to. I just don’t get her at all.

I would love someone to explain to me with words not just adoration, what Beyonce has that makes her more appealing than any other dancing singer who strips off her kit and sings along with her  husband words like  “beat the box up like Mike in ’97”. (Box is a slang term for vagina and the reference to Mike is to Mike Tyson who is a convicted rapist )- maybe she just likes her sex rough. But maybe I don’t need to hear that anymore than I need to see Miley pleasuring herself, Rihanna getting it on in her bed or Beyonce herself wearing next to nothing while she promotes her music and her feminism.

Here’s the video of Beyonce performing her song Drunk In Love

What do you think?

Filed Under: Current Affairs, Featured

The (many) reasons I’m feeling so conflicted

March 13, 2014 by 16 Comments

conflicting-feelingsIt’s been a long time since I last updated my blog and there’s a very good reason for that –  I no longer know how to write because I can’t think.

I am in Vegas, I’ve just been to San Francisco and besides the fact that I have not yet adjusted to the time change (I am sure that will happen as soon as I step back on to Australian soil) my thinking brain been so tortured that it has decided to abandon me all together.

What’s happened is that all the thoughts I have been having conflict so completely with each other that I have just decided to switch off. Allow me to explain some of these thoughts so that you can see where I am coming from

  • “I miss my son more than I ever thought possible and every fibre of my being wants to be in the same room, never mind country, as he is right now” conflicting with “How cool is it to be on holiday without a child and absolutely no responsibilities, this may be the most awesome holiday ever”
  • “I cannot sleep if my dog is not curled up at my feet” conflicting with “Oh Lord, it’s so nice to be able to stretch out my legs and not worry about the dog at the bottom of the bed”
  • “The poverty and homelessness in San Francisco is completely heartbreaking, there has to be something that can be done for these apparently mentally ill and drug addicted people with not a hope in the world” conflicting with “oooh look a huge Westfield with designer shops inside, I must see what they have for me to buy”
  • “I cannot eat cheesecake for lunch” conflicting with “Just LOOK at that cheesecake, you will never see another cheesecake like that for as long as you live”
  • “I do not need another drop more of makeup ever again in my life” conflicting with ”Let me just run inside this Sephora and see what it looks like from the inside” which quickly converts to “oooh this is new and I know it will definitely work, I better take two in case I can never get it again and I better take it in more than one colour just in case”
  • “I cannot look at another slot machine” conflicting with “just one more chance on this machine, then this one, then this one, then this one, then this one….”
  • “How can they build this ridiculous ode to money, alcohol, gambling and gaudiness in the middle of the desert?” conflicting with “This is the most amazing place I have ever seen in my whole life, I just want to take the whole thing in”
  • “I am tired and I need to sleep” conflicting with “You’re in Vegas baby!”
  • “Everyone is so friendly and willing to help, it’s such a pleasure” conflicted with “these people are not earning enough money they need the tips, I feel so terribly sad for them, I hope they have nice homes to go to”
  • “There are people starving and here are literally thousands of people throwing their money away in casinos” conflicting with “I bloody love the thrill of gambling”
  • “I should read the news, I have no idea what is going on in the world” conflicting with “It is so blissful to live in ignorance”
  • “I must update my blog” conflicting with “it’s okay if you take a break for 10 days your audience (code for family) will forgive you”

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So there you have it – I am either having the most amazing time possible or I am fretting about the state of the world. Situation normal.

How are things going for you?

Filed Under: Featured, My Life

It’s a bit fabulous to be ageless like me

March 4, 2014 by 24 Comments

agelessThe other day when I went to the chemist to fill my rather large prescription for the dreaded chest infection I had acquired, the pharmacist asked me if I was on any other medications. As I started to reel off the multiple medications that are currently improving my health and way of life I started to realise that I sounded old. Like proper old.

“I sound like an old woman” I joked to the barely adolescent pharmacist.
“That’s okay” he responded flatly, although I could clearly tell that he was thinking “that’s because you are an old woman”.

I don’t feel old (apart from when I have a chest infection) but when I think about it there are a fair few things that point to me actually being older than I think:

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Filed Under: Featured, My Life

10 completely non-medical signs that you have a chest infection

March 1, 2014 by 8 Comments

chest infectionThis is not the first time this has happened to me: I get sick before I go on holiday. Some would say it’s psychosomatic, to them I would so psychosomatic, shmychosomatic, I feel awful. So awful that I went one step further than Googling my symptoms and actually made an appointment to see my doctor. On my  first visit she  told me I should rest and drink plenty of fluids and on my second visit, when I felt infinitely worse, she made a weird shape with her mouth when she listened to my chest and PATTED ME before prescribing anti-biotics, puffers, nasal sprays and various other goodies. I like to think her patting me was a way of saying “sorry I dismissed your cough on your first visit”.
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Filed Under: Featured, My Life

This is me – the consummate professional

February 25, 2014 by 23 Comments

Allow me to take you for a journey into the world of the professional Sharpest Pencil, the consummate corporate professional who consults to business about important matters like social media, seo practices and getting more readers to your site.

Let’s take yesterday for example. I had a meeting with the Marketing and Communications Manager of a huge media outlet.  Proper huge – like household name kind of huge.  I got myself out of pajamas and into the city right on time for the meeting so everything was going well.
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Filed Under: Featured, My Life

Is it normal to be so excited?

February 23, 2014 by 7 Comments

My son returned home from survival camp on Friday thick with dirt. Seriously if the Colo River in New South Wales seems to have broken its banks that’s because half of the sand bank is on my laundry floor.

Camp week is always a long week for me. I miss having my little boy around, I miss his constant chatter and his awesome sense of humour. I don’t miss making school lunches or nagging him about homework and tidying his room but I just miss his presence. Walking past his bedroom in the night and seeing it so bloody tidy tugs at my heart.
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