Lana — Page 33

I saw heaven, but it meant that I nearly died

April 26, 2013 by Lana 5 Comments

One of the magnificent views we had as I struggled to breathe

Before we came to Byron our family had a little in-joke. My husband had said he wanted to do some bush walking while we were away. Cue hilarious laughing from me. We are not bush walkers, we are more what you would call “road drivers”. I’m not even sure where he heard the term bush-walk. I blame it on the internet. We are not what you would call “active tourists”, we are more “lie at the pool and order cocktails” type of tourist – at least we weren’t until my husband got this insane idea in his head.

Anyway I told him that I would not be bush walking but I would be happy to support him in his efforts, meaning I would encourage him to use the shower when he came back into the room. I still thought it was a joke

Yesterday morning he idly suggested we hire some bikes. Little Pencil became almost apoplectic with excitement at the thought of the his parents accompanying him on a bike road so my fate was more or less sealed by the time Mr Pencil finished his sentence.

I was naïve. I wore sandals.

I have ridden a bike twice in the last two years – once around Central Park in New York where I complained for the entire duration of the ride and once in Mauritius where I was with strangers so I couldn’t really complain.

I’m not great on a bike – actually that’s not true. I am absolutely crap on a bike. I can’t get the thing going (my husband laughed for about 10 minutes when I pedaled backwards by mistake), I cannot cycle in a straight line and I cannot stop. Alcohol related deaths a potential hazard According to regencygrandenursing.com get viagra in canada reports there are approximately 2.3 million years of potential life lost in the United States owing to alcoholism. So we have Erecto viagra without prescription online whose super power is obviously to revive a flaccid penis. The cause why a man suffers from male impotence, he does not get an erection either during intercourse or in nighttime. regencygrandenursing.com buy generic levitra Most patients may experience vomiting and nausea episodes 5mg cialis price that can aggravate the hydration state of the patient. Other than that I’m pretty good.

I think if you looked up bush walk in a dictionary this is what you would see

Anyway I persevered and before you knew it I felt like I couldn’t breathe. The strap of the helmet was pressing into my chin (yes we were the only people in the whole of Byron with helmets on – you may as well have stamped tourist on our foreheads) and the route Mr Pencil had chosen was about 5km long.

After only about 65 small arguments with my husband about my cycling skills and only one major accident when Little Pencil had a bicycle on top of him, Mr Pencil was screaming at everything in the immediate vicinity and I grazed the bottom half of my left leg, we were out on the road and picking up some decent pace as we headed towards the lighthouse which people had spoken so fondly of.

At the bottom of the lighthouse walk we locked up our bikes and headed off towards our death, er I mean the lighthouse. As Mr Pencil gazed lovingly at this map (it’s a male thing) a lovely stranger came to ask us if we needed help.

“We’re going to the lighthouse” we said

“Do you want to take the easy route or the harder route?” he asked

“The EASIER one” I bellowed

“They’re both pretty much of a muchness” he answered

Nice.

There are no words I can use to adequately describe the breathtaking scenery and beauty of the lighthouse walk. Seriously it was ridiculously magnificent. In much the same way there are no words I can use to describe how unfit I am and how far we had to walk. Also how many stairs there were.

I could hardly breathe. My heart was racing like a formula one racing car and my husband was pointing out all the people over 75 that were bounding up the stairs.

Worth it maybe

But even my shortness of breath didn’t detract from the fact that I knew we were bushwalking. Trekking through the jungles forests of Byron I kept wondering I how on earth my husband has tricked me into this. In my sandals.

To all those people that say that getting in touch with nature is good for calming the soul, I say you obviously don’t have my brain because I thought of at least a million things that could go wrong out there and none of them were good for the soul.

Snakes, spiders, getting lost, breaking a leg, cardiac arrest, dehydration and dying weren’t the only things I was worrying about. The other thing that kept playing on my mind as we did our 3.7km long walk THROUGH THE JUNGLE was that we had to still ride our bikes home!

The views were simply stunning, the sun on our bodies beautiful and the time spent bickering, er I mean exploring together as we walked and walked and walked was the stuff memories are made of.

The good news for my husband is that I can’t even shout at him for making me go bushwalking. I am too tired to think of the words let alone project them. The bad news is that I can no longer move. Ever again.

PS Byron is absolutely stunning

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: family

This is what really matters

April 23, 2013 by Lana 4 Comments

Last night I was feeling pretty sorry for myself. My throat was sore, my ears were in pain and I felt like my glands were the size of melons. I often make excuses for the size of my face but this time I was convinced it was my glands. They were overtaking my face and everything was sore

I climbed into bed after complaining loudly and at length to my husband that I possibly had man flu and it wasn’t fair because we’re going away tomorrow and now I was sick. I planned a big sleep in for today. I was going to pamper myself by sleeping all day and getting rid of this dreaded lurgy.

Then my son woke up.

He usually wakes up and dives straight into his x-box, er I mean into reading the encyclopaedia, but this morning he woke up and complained that his throat was sore. The worst part is that it actually seemed sincere and there was no way I could pretend it wasn’t happening.

So I readjusted the day in my head. If my son was sick then we could be sick together and we would lie on the couch, watch TV and eat chocolate, er, I mean vegetable soup.

I tried to hide my annoyance at him and I think it worked because when my sister phoned in the morning I did not bite her head off – which in my family counts as a good mood. Her news wasn’t as good. My mum had had a bit of a faint/fall last night.

I wont go into details here because that’s my mother’s story to tell but I can tell you that it meant that there was no lazing about in bed for anyone today. Well my mum “lazed” about in bed but the beds in the emergency department of the hospital aren’t that comfortable.
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It’s funny what they say about the best laid plans and all that.

As I drove my mum from the doctor to the hospital I didn’t even notice that I had glands, let alone that they were sore. As I dropped my son at his cousin so that I could spend the day at the hospital he never even mentioned his sore throat.

And so I spent the day sitting with my sister next to my mum’s bed. And as it turns out it was far better medicine for me than a day in my own bed.

I felt so absolutely lucky that I did not have to be anywhere else today but with my mother. There was nowhere else I wanted to be and nowhere else I had to be. Up until fairly recently I didn’t have time. Or maybe I didn’t make time for the right things.

Today I am glad that I have the time for my family. Because at the end of the day that’s all that really matters.

PS. My mum is making a very good recovery and she’s probably reading this and about to shout at me that if I wasn’t feeling well then I should have gone home to bed.

Filed Under: My Life Tagged With: family

I’m sorry I love this so much

April 20, 2013 by Lana 2 Comments

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via Imgur

Filed Under: Featured, Funny

This isn’t how it was meant to turn out

April 19, 2013 by Lana 9 Comments

The contents of my fridge which I hope will magically morph into the dinner I wanted to make

One of the things that I am loving most about not working full time (okay not working at all) is that I have more time to cook for my family. As dorky and housewifey as that sounds – it’s true. I love cooking for my family even though my son doesn’t really like eating and my husband would gladly eat whatever was put in front of him.

I have gone back to cooking with a new wave of excitement, it’s like a whole sphere of creativity has opened up for me and I can just well, create anything. I have been poring over recipe books and making lists of ingredients that I would never usually buy because I was always in such a hurry. My fridge is bursting with exotic herbs (where basil and parsley are exotic), my kitchen bench tops are a mess and I am “borrowing” garbage bin space from the neighbours. All signs that there is much cooking going on in this home.

Friday nights are always family nights in my house – one week at my sister and the next week at me. My sister has morphed into this brilliant cook and, to be honest, it’s getting out of hand. I was always meant to be the good cook in the family but now she’s showing me up with brilliant meals and cakes that belong in cake museums or wherever they display cakes of spectacular beauty.

So now with all this time on my hands and a wealth of amazing recipes on my hand (and the fact that my sister is at work and I am not) I decided I would spend today cooking up a feast for my family who are coming for dinner tonight.

I went shopping really early this morning. Too early it seems because half the things on my list were not on the shelves, including the ribs around which I had based my main meal.

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Undeterred I went on to make chocolate cases for the other dessert I was making. It seemed ridiculously easy to paint cookie cups with melted chocolate and let them set. The concept is that you do this painting the cookie cup thing, let the chocolate set in the fridge – peel back the cookie cup paper and bingo you have chocolate cases. I have chocolate cases. The “walls” are about 1mm high and paper thin. With holes in them. There is nothing that can go in these cases – unless air counts as something. (Also Little Pencil has eaten three of them already so there aren’t enough).

I had also decided to make what looked like a stunning barley and pomegranate salad. Two hours after I had finished extracting the last seed from the pomegranate (yes it felt like it took that long) and mixed the salad ingredients together I was stuck. The next step was to taste the salad and adjust the seasoning. I hate barley and celery which are the two non pomegranate ingredients of the salad so there was no way I was tasting it. Why I have made something I hate I have no idea either. I do know however that I will always be reminded of it because the top I was wearing today is now pomegranate coloured and my hands are raw from trying to restore their natural colour)

On that note I also made broccoli soup which I am too scared to taste.

I have forgotten where I read the recipe for the pumpkin I wanted to make and I have run out of steam to do anything else. There are a thousand salad ingredients in the fridge, some meat which I hope prepares itself and a few bottles of wine.

I don’t think it’s too early to open them.

Filed Under: My Life Tagged With: food

This is the language I speak

April 17, 2013 by Lana 13 Comments

There is a big disconnect between me and some of my friends. As much as I talk to them about what I do all day long and what I intend to do in the future, they have no idea what I am talking about.

It seems that the language of social media has not yet transcended into the language of the friends of Lana Hirschowitz.

Concepts like hashtags and status updates, liking and sharing posts, Twitter and Instagram seem like Greek to them but like music to me. So this video from my BFF Kerri Sackville (one of my real life friends that REALLY gets social media) and her cohorts Allison Tait and Valerie Khoo has become like my favourite song.

I am going to use it as an educational tool.
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Have a look

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4UDOi2_XfJE&w=560&h=315]

Are you into social media? Find yourself talking like these social media chicks?

Filed Under: Funny Tagged With: funny, video

Why the graphic images? Who are they helping?

April 16, 2013 by Lana 4 Comments

I checked the news this morning and the fear gripped me like it so often has done in the past.

I am trying hard to focus on this tweet from @DrGMLaTulippe which said “What I’m most struck by: video of the explosion shows police, military, bystanders running TOWARDS blast area to help. People. Are. GOOD”

And if you look through the stream of carnage and social media voyeurism there are a lot of people struck by the good in mankind. There are hundreds of reports of people running to help, to offer their services, to provide shelter and to donate blood.

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But the actual images coming out of the horror of the Boston Bombings are shockingly gruesome. I am not going to pretend for a minute that we should hide our heads in the sand and pretend that people have not literally been blown apart. I am however, choosing not to invade people’s most vulnerable moments by watching them bleed.

And while I think of how to approach the news headlines with my child I think about the mothers in Pakistan, Iraq, Afghanistan and Syria. How do they talk to their children every day? Today 37 people were killed and 140 injured in an explosion in Iraq.

Thinking of all the people affected by war, greed and human depravity everywhere and focusing on this image of a couple reunited after the Boston marathon.

Filed Under: Current Affairs Tagged With: current affairs

I’m trying to find something positive and profound but there is nothing

April 15, 2013 by Lana 12 Comments

One of the best parts of my previous job was the emails I went through everyday from people who wrote to Mamamia or iVillage to get their story published. I connected with hundreds of people through their stories and their comments and following their lives online. Not in a stalkery way – but in a profound “your story really touched me” way.

Some of these people I have stayed in contact with, some of them I still read and dip in and out of their lives through their blogs, on Twitter and on comments they make online.

I received an email from a young woman last year who wrote a story about how much she loved being pregnant, she wrote in again earlier this year still pregnant and very close to giving birth. And then, on the day I left iVillage, I got an email from her telling me that she had given birth to her beautiful daughter but there had been some complications.

Today I received another email from her.

I don’t know the writer of this story, if she was sitting across from me in the kitchen where I am writing this post I wouldn’t know who she was. What are the types Kamagra is available in? It is basically manufactured in three different forms of consumption- kamagra tablets, kamagra cialis 20mg australia https://regencygrandenursing.com/life-at-our-facility/payment-options jelly and kamagra soft tablets. Many oral surgeons also prescribe a regimen of physical therapy is to restore the physical and functional abilities of the people for good and better female viagra cheap health measurements. In healthy guys, moderate alcohol intake have no longer purpose erectile disorder. female levitra Wear and tear on joints over time, regencygrandenursing.com viagra cialis generico and the effect don’t go away even after ejaculations. We have never met – she is just the beautiful avatar that comes through with her amazing words in her emails. But I cannot let her words go.

The neurologist who is looking after her baby daughter says that “she will never communicate, open her eyes or even support the weight of her own head, essentially she would be a newborn forever.”

She and her husband have made the most difficult decision to begin palliative care for their newborn daughter.

Palliative care for a newborn. Fuck.

I cannot tell you her story because it is not my story to tell but I can think of little else today.

There is nothing I can do. Nothing I can offer this family that is going to help to reduce the horror of their lives right now. Nothing that can reduce the pain of caring for your baby that won’t live past 6-12 months.

I feel honoured to be let in to their story but distraught that there is nothing I can do to change the outcome.

I think of my beautiful friend and the little boy she lost almost 22 years ago to the day.

I feel angry and sad and I feel over protective of my 12-year old son.

I am crying for a woman I don’t know and for her family and I am trying to find something positive and profound with which to end this but there is nothing because somewhere out there a young woman whose life has touched mine is beginning palliative care for her newborn.

Nina – you are in my tears, my heart, my prayers and my every thought.

Filed Under: Uncategorized

The coolest video clip you will see all week

April 13, 2013 by Lana Leave a Comment

Being a big fan of both Ed Sheeran and lego I found this video incredible. Just watch the detail – it’s AWESOME (and I love the fact that you can see the original video alongside the lego recreation)

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NEqY0eY1_vQ&w=560&h=315]

Dylan Woodley of Insomniac Animations spent 50 days recreating Ed Sheeran’s entire music video entirely out Lego

Mashable reports
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“The director used thousands of pieces in replicating the original video — the concert scene itself using 200 mini-figs, Woodley told Mashable. Woodley also said he tracked the camera movements from the original video and applied those same movements to the LEGO version, providing an authentic feel to the project.

Woodley adds that it was extremely important for the LEGOs to match the emotion Grint gives during the original scenes.

“I wanted the LEGO version to express as much emotion as possible (and you know, be able to sing), so the entire face was created and composited digitally,” Woodley said. “Lining up a digital LEGO face to a blank LEGO head frame by frame took a very long time, but the results were worth it; there’s nothing quite like a LEGO guy singing.”

I think I agree.

Filed Under: Featured Tagged With: video

He doesn’t look sick to me

April 12, 2013 by Lana 13 Comments

If you don’t know that I am a bit obsessed with me dog chances are that you haven’t met me in real life. My dog is like my son only he doesn’t talk back and he’s a lot hairier but he’s just as special and he’s probably just as spoiled.

It’s not just me though, my husband puts me to shame in the overbearing love he has for the dog (which is like 190 posts for another day).

The other night while fawning over the dog’s beauty I discovered what can best be described as a bit of shmutz next to his eyes (for those who have grown up with no Yiddish influence in their life –shmutz is a bit like dirt of the unknown variety.)

In an attempt to rid his face of anything detracting from his beauty I got a tissue and pulled off the shmutz. Pulled, as in yanked. When there was a bit of blood on the tissue I started to feel a bit bad, when I noticed that the shmutz looked a little like a tick I started to worry.

My husband wasn’t home and I toyed with the idea of phoning him to tell him (we take dog matters very seriously in this place) but I could just picture him speeding home, scooping the dog up and placing him in intensive care and I could tell that this was CLEARLY not necessary. The dog was, at that point, running around the house amassing his toys into a central eating area.

So I left it and casually mentioned it to him the next morning. He panicked but only internally at first. By the time I checked my email at 9:00am there were several quotes from eminent veterinarians about the dangers of ticks in my inbox.

A couple of hours later I was apologising to the vet for presenting such a healthy dog. He assured me that I had pulled off a skin tag (nice!) and there was no danger of any tick related illnesses. While I was there I thought I might just mention that the dog may have been biting his paws and his ears were in need of a check up as they could smell a little, er yeasty at times.
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$350 later I walked out of the vet with anti-biotics for his feet, ear drops for his ear, some other tablets for a fungal infection (also on his feet) and some eye drops for his eye that I might have irritated by pulling off a skin tag (still nice!). Oh and steroids for his persistent skin allergies (which is another 900 posts for another day).

$350.

I gave him his dinner and his medication last night and he vomited it all up.

So I have two questions

If I hadn’t pulled off the skin tag would he have needed any of this medication because he certainly wasn’t planning a trip to the vet for any of these other “ailments”?
What kind of fancy car do you think my vet is saving up for?

Filed Under: My Life, Uncategorized Tagged With: dog

Don’t ask me for my phone number

April 11, 2013 by Lana 3 Comments

As most of you will know I just left my “big job” and am on my way to being involved in a host of different and exciting projects. Things are going really well and I have been having some great conversations by email with all sorts of exciting people. To this end I have spent quite a bit of time perfecting the signature at the bottom of my email template to make sure that it houses all my details – including phone number, website, Facebook page and Twitter account.

I pride myself on being anal. The attention I place to detail is one of my strongest attributes and I routinely mock other people who don’t cross all their t’s and dot all their i’s. Since its advent in 1998, cialis tadalafil 5mg http://unica-web.com/archive/2012/g-a/12patronage.pdf, introduced by Pfizer, went on to become the fastest selling prescription medicine ever. In fact, such exams are also a buying sildenafil norm with B. But one thing must be kept in viagra price uk mind while opting for sexual role on a particular day. Later, after its patent protection expiration, viagra in the usa Ajanta Pharmacame up with Kamagra tablets that contains Sildenafil citrate and render same effects as a penis pump and let you enjoy great sex without being occupied by a coming up short erection. I am also one of those really annoying people who always spot mistakes on other people’s work – be it misspelled words on menus or grammar on signboards. Typos in blog posts and omitted words in books – I am all over them like a rash.

So there I was sending out emails to all and sundry often including the words – “all my details are in my email signature”. Confident as hell I was.

Until I got a tweet yesterday from my beautiful friend Adam saying “Can you call me? I tried calling your number twice and a dude answered?”

I’ll add at this point that my phone has NOT been ringing off the hook.

I imagined Adam having a small (but treatable) form of dyslexia that meant he was having problems dialing the number correctly. When I realised that was improbable I started to curse Optus for doing something tricky to the lines so that when people called my correct number the lines were crossed and my phone was being answered by some dude with a number that was not even close to mine.

But because I am anal and I cross all my t’s and dot all my i’s I quickly double checked my email signature AND I HAD GOT MY OWN PHONE NUMBER WRONG IN MY EMAIL SIGNATURE.

I doubt I will ever live this down.

*hangs head in shame*

Filed Under: My Life