Yesterday I received an email from WordPress which read “Our stats helper monkeys have been busy putting together a personalized report detailing how your blog did in 2015!” which was nice. Problem was you had to click to view the full report online and I couldn’t log in to see because none of my passwords attempts worked. I think this could be a subtle way of telling me how the blog did in 2015 because clearly I am a very bad blogger if I cannot even log in to the report.
Non blogging tips, thank you and the best #5minutes video ever made.
December 30, 2015 by 3 Comments
Why I could never celebrate Christmas
December 16, 2015 by 8 Comments
Regular readers will know that I am Jewish, this means that I don’t celebrate Christmas. No gifts, no trees, no decorations, no big feast (I do that one often enough). And no, as I outlined in the video below, Chanukah is nothing like Christmas. Nothing. The only similarity is that they both start with a Ch. Although some people spell Hannukah with an H.
Every year around this time I watch in awe and wonder as people get ready for the festive season. And with absolutely no disrespect to anyone at all, it reaffirms for me how I could never ever celebrate Christmas. [Read more…]
How not to cater your own party
December 14, 2015 by 10 Comments
On Saturday night my husband and I hosted a “party for absolutely no reason at all”. It wasn’t a birthday or an anniversary, there were no milestones or occasions we just decided to invite our friends round and party. Just because.
The idea was just to get together. Eat, drink, chat, laugh. Just be. I make it sound so simple you probably almost believe me. But if you know me, you know nothing is simple. I’m a neurotic anxious over- planner who had just emerged from under a pile of to do lists.
Luckily my husband knows that I can be slightly anxious about things and so to make the night easier we were going to outsource the catering. This would mean we would have to neither cook nor worrying about cleaning up the whole night – we would literally be free to party. And when I say we I mean me – because Mr Pencil is excellent at partying but crap at cooking and cleaning. [Read more…]
Turn away if you are not an animal lover
December 9, 2015 by 3 Comments
I must warn you that this is not a post for people who do not get this meme.
There was a time my sister and her family wouldn’t have nodded sagely like they should have when they read that. They would now, because they understand.
They understand because they have Spencer, a gorgeous Groodle who has turned my sister, her husband and their two kids into the type of people who smile every time they walk into the door because there is a dog in their lives. They are also the type of people who now celebrate dog birthdays.
Sarah Haynes, nobody’s school is perfect. But we already know that
December 8, 2015 by 4 Comments
Recently Sarah Haynes, the school captain of Ravenswood made news by telling it like she saw it at her farewell assembly. My first thought was that Ravenswood sounded like a house out of Harry Potter but my second and subsequent thoughts were much more considered.
Sarah is young, she is in a privileged position of leadership and I believe she should take that position seriously. It doesn’t matter whether the school is private, public or part of Hogwarts.
When you are an adult and you work for an organisation you tow the organisation’s line. Sometimes you don’t agree with it but there are other things that make you happy so you shut up and accept it. Sometimes it’s too much so you pack your bags and go. At the farewell party you smile graciously and then, if you want to burn all your bridges, you send a tirade by group email when you leave. Hint: It’s never a good idea to burn all your bridges. There are better way to handle things than the element of surprise bomb when your nearest and dearest are gathered together.
Move over colouring books. This is the new calming tool
November 28, 2015 by 11 Comments
Move over colouring in books. Step aside adult play-doh. I am just about to spearhead a brand new form of relaxation, a meditative pastime that will completely absorb you and take your mind right off the real world.
It all started yesterday when I was off to meet my friend Kerri for a quick breakfast. The plan was to have a quick bite and then go back to my place to film a new episode of 5Minutes. I know. Exciting.
On the way down to the coffee `shop I was browsing Facebook when I saw this.
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Yeah. So maybe I won’t be wearing this necklace today. Or ever again. *sobs*
Posted by Kerri Sackville on Thursday, 26 November 2015
I was unkind and it came back to bite me
November 25, 2015 by 10 Comments
I write this blog with my head hung low while still flushing with the red hot embarrsment I encountered earlier this morning.
It was bad. I was unkind and it came back to bite me.
Let me set the scene.
A while ago we ordered some very expensive garden furniture which seemed to be handmade by elves – not only because of the cost (and beauty) but because it took quite a while to go from ordering to delivery. Elves are talented but I hear that they are not very fast.
Anyway last week on Friday the furniture was delivered by two wonderful men who in no way resembled elves and who were very tolerant as they walked through the house with heavy furniture while being licked by Henry. (It was 40 degrees on Friday and there is no taste that Henry loves so much as that of human sweat).
After assembling the furniture they informed me that there was a bolt missing for the umbrellla stand so they would not be able to put it up. They alerted their manager and told me that athe missing part would be delivered next week. Very kindly, they also suggested that I contact the shop where we had bought the furniture to er, put a little pressure on them.
I called them on Friday. I started to get a bit snooty because we had paid A LOT of money for the furniture and it was hot and actually no excuses, I quickly realised it was a mistake and not the end of the world. I told the woman on the phone it was no big deal but could she make sure we got it this week. She said she would call me on Monday.
On Monday she didn’t call me backd. I hate being ignored almost as much as I hate the phone. So on Tuesday I emailed her. I got an out-of-office reply saying she would not be back in till Thursday.
For some reason, perhaps insomnia related, I stewed on this a little. I was being ignored for days now and all I wanted was my bolt. My one little very expensive bolt.
So this morning I plucked up all my courage to phone the store. Now remember how much I HATE the phone. I literally had to psyche myself up. Somewhere in that psyching process I channeled my inner arrogant, self important South African. She still exists after all these years,
With the stress of making the call and the rise of the self importance swilling in my ears I almost forgot that the lady answering the phone had done no wrong. She wasn’t responsible for my insomina, the missing bolt or my very bad mood.
I forgot all that. And I snapped at her a bit.
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“I JUST WANT THIS SORTED” I kind of yelled, Like it was getting oxygen to a dying patient.
“May I have your name please” the very lovely woman on the other end of the phone said, “just so that I can bring up the order”
“It’s Hirschowitz” I barked and I didn’t even spell which is just mean. And as she asked me to spell it I began to realise I was not being very kind at all. “It’s probably under my husband’s name” I said trying to sound a little more helpful.
“Are you Lana?” she said to me obviously finding the file which had both our names on it .
“Yes”
“Oh I am such a huge fan of yours” she said “I love the 5 minute coffee break videos you make.”
My blood went cold.
She had just been witness to a side of me I hate, The angry, impatient one. Before this she had thought I was a nice person.
It was mortifying. Horrifying. I have never been more contrite in my entire life.
When I told my son the story he looked at me and said “you should really treat every person you comes across as they are your biggest fan”. He’s damn right.
Even if I am not a very nice person all the time, at least I’m doing a damn fine job of raising an intelligent and thoughtful son.
Sorry again to the lady on the other side of the phone and thank you so much for sorting out my bolt . And also extra sorry I forgot your name – but as you understand I was too frustrated to think. SORRY
The story of my incredible pain
November 24, 2015 by 14 Comments
Yesterday morning I woke up with no real aches and pains to speak of – which is quite fortunate at my age. Also quite rare. It was good but there was a nagging voice in my head reminding me that I had been promising myself to find such an ache free day to go to a Body Pump class at the gym for the last 145 Mondays.
Pump is my favourite gym class. I get to use the present tense although I hadn’t been for about ten years, simply because it’s still my favourite class. Also the only class I have attended since I was 16.
It focuses on low weight loads and high repetition movements and covers all the major muscle groups one upbeat track at a time. It’s a great class because you don’t have time to get bored or too tired – as soon as the track changes you move onto another muscle group and then you just have to get to the end of that song – and huzzah you’re done.
Lego shoes and 7 other products you do NOT need
November 23, 2015 by 4 Comments
I have a confession. I bought my dog from a pet shop. It was 10 years ago and I didn’t know better, I also didn’t know anything about owning a puppy as can be evidenced by the fact that the bank phoned me the day after the purchase to ask why there was such a big amount on my credit card for a pet shop.
Which leads me to a second confession – I also bought everything the pet store told me I needed. Like the ridiculous nappy pads for toilet training, custom made bowls, the most expensive dog food in the world.
Cinnamon Sugar brioche. Thank you The Cook and Baker
November 19, 2015 by 8 Comments
The best thing about having a blog with no niche or genre is that I can write about whatever I like – this serves me well because I have the attention span of a small gnat on speed. Jumping from anxiety on the weekend, through cuddling your kids yesterday to a recipe today is no big leap for me. And when you make these cinnamon brioches you’ll be happy I am so flighty.