For the longest time I have been petrified of terrorists in the same way that some people are afraid of say spiders or clowns. It’s been an irrational fear that has been with me since I can remember.  Long before the media were informing us of terrorists on planes, I have been spotting suspicious people on planes – on my honeymoon 23 years ago I didn’t want to fly because of my fear of terrorists. I was flying from Johannesburg to George which is much like travelling from Sydney to Wagga Wagg. No terrorists likely. Still I was petrified.

Today’s events in Sydney have not yet been confirmed as a terrorist attack but they have terrorised me. I can hardly think.

I feel selfish to even talk about how scared I am because even I  can see that, in reality, I could not be safer than I am right now. I cannot imagine how the people inside that cafe are feeling  – and I cannot imagine the fear and hatred that is going to be present after this has all been settled and everybody is safe and well.

The small mindedness and the fear that a situation like this brings is almost as bad as the event itself….

But I can hardly think – so I have been spending my day retweeting

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As I write this post three of the hostages have been released. I hope they are all released soon. And that everyone is safe and no one filled with hate.

 

 

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On the weekend I noticed a message in my Facebook newsfeed from a friend of mine. It read “Anyone have a scooter they can donate to a young boy in Villawood detention centre?”

Yay, I get to get rid of some stuff I thought to myself. My son is spoilt and I am a cleanliness nut who hates hoarding. We had more than one scooter from that dreaded time my husband decided the family should take up scooting as a hobby. It was not pretty. And it did not last long (where long means more than a day).

I messaged her immediately saying that I had a scooter and I had also been sent an amazing box of craft from Clever Patch that I am sure a young girl in detention would love.

A young girl in detention. Even the sound of that line just sounds so tragic, so sadistic. So unchildlike.

I drove over to my friend’s house with the scooter and the box of craft thinking about the many times I had been asked by my friends if I wanted to accompany them to Villawood on a Thursday where they visit refugees in detention centres. I am a huge emotional mess, I don’t think I would ever sleep again if I met these families. I have a hard enough times as it is even thinking about the hideous lives these people are subjected to fleeing for their lives only to be imprisoned when they get to “safety”. Just because they weren’t born as lucky as I am.

How bloody awful is that? Too scared, too soft to see what’s going on in my own back yard? I am not proud. I cry about it a lot – yet I never do a single thing to help.

I got to her house, she told me that there were around 22 kids and 6 bikes at Villawood. They were allowed to play with the bike for one hour a day. ONE hour a day because the guards say the bikes will last longer. One hour are day to split the bikes between them. These are kids – kids who have done nothing wrong, whose parents have tried to save them from a life of tyranny. Parents like you and I.

I showed her the box of craft – of course she loved it. It’s rare for these children to receive anything new and so special and which child wouldn’t like to see a box laden with craft? Thank you Clever Patch for helping me make that happen.
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She told me about some of the kids, some of the REAL PEOPLE that live in detention shuffled from one side of the country to another from Sydney to Darwin, to Perth to Curtin. It’s when you hear the stories of people, real people that you understand it’s not a news item, it’s not a political agenda, it’s a human life.

I still can’t visit a detention centre just yet but I can and will use my voice.

789 innocent children are currently incarcerated in Australian detention camps. 186 children detained on Nauru will never be settled in Australia, even if found to be refugees

Please watch this video. And get your friends to watch it – and their friends, and their friends’ friends – and then visit We’re Better Than This and make your own voice heard

 

Benjamin Seitz was fifteen months old when his father buckled him into his car seat on a hot summer’s day in Connecticut. It was really hot that day, in fact the temperature hit a maximum of 31 degrees at some point.

On his way to work Benjamin’s dad Kyle Seitz was meant to drop him off at day care but instead he stopped to get a coffee thinking that he had already dropped his son off. The arrest warrant for Seitz is chilling in its detail as it explains that his wife saw his car in the car park at the coffee shop as she was taking her kids to holiday Bible school but she thought nothing of it because it’s not uncommon for him to stop for coffee after he has dropped his son at day care. The warrant goes on in more aching family detail describing how Seitz’s wife and two daughters came to surprise him for lunch but he couldn’t go because he was too busy, instead he got into his car and went to get a quick sandwich.  Then at around 5pm he drove to the day care centre to pick up his son.

One cannot even begin to imagine the thoughts, images and sheer terror that crossed his mind when he was told that Benjamin had not been there that day.

Seitz ran outside. According to a the arrest warrant he shrieked and grabbed the limp child, trying to shake him awake.

“Oh, my God,” he cried returning 15-month-old Benjamin to the car seat so he could rush to the emergency room.

“Are you OK?” asked one of the mums who witnessed the scene in the parking lot of the day care centre

“No,” the sobbing Seitz answered, hurrying off in the car towards Danbury Hospital.

Benjamin Seitz was pronounced dead at 6pm, the official cause of his death was hyperthermia.

Kyle Seitz turned himself in to police after learning there was a warrant for his arrest. He has been charged with criminally negligent homicide, which is punishable by a maximum one year in prison. He will reappear in court on 21 November.

It’s not even worth going through the judgment and holier-than-thou assertions that “good parents don’t forget their kids in the car”, because clearly they do. There is nothing at all to suggest that Kyle Seitz was nothing but a caring, loving and attentive father. In fact until recently he had been stay-at-home dad while his wife was at work. They were a regular family like yours and mine. And Kyle Seitz thought that he had dropped his son at day care on the morning of 7 July, the day his son died.

I can’t imagine facing my husband after learning of the death of my child. To be honest I can’t imagine facing getting out of bed, or even opening my eyes. But Benjamin’s mum Lindsey Rogers-Seitz knows that in reality you do have to stand up, get out of bed and face the day – especially when you have two daughters, aged 6 and 8. Rogers-Seitz also knows that her husband is a good father and a loving man and made the worst mistake that any person can make, a mistake that will live with them for the rest of their days and beyond. She knows that her child has died and that no amount of finger pointing and blame can ever bring him back or undo the love she holds for him. Instead Rogers-Seitz has channeled her grief, her sadness and her passion into a blog that you cannot read without crying and is now an advocate in raising awareness of the dangers of leaving children in hot cars.
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Lindsey started reading anything she could about child heatstroke in cars. She talked to nonprofit advocacy groups and read all she could that the experts had written about “Forgotten Baby Syndrome”. Remember, just like you and me she could never understand that anybody would forget about their baby in the car, but she knows now that it happens. And her family is not the first family affected.

Kelly Wallace writes for CNN ” She learned about failed attempts to include a provision in previous legislation back in 2007, which would require that cars include some way to remind drivers about passengers in the back when the car is turned off and the driver leaves the vehicle. She wondered why there isn’t a law like that on the books now. Rogers-Seitz, who’s a lawyer, talked with her husband about making their family’s new mission the push for action against child vehicular heat stroke.

“He’s an engineer, so we would sit together and he has his notepad, and he’s like drawing out ideas for devices of things that could be developed, and I’m sitting here looking at the legal stuff. And we just kind of came together and said, you know, together as a family we’d like to do this,” she said.

She has since even drafted a bill, which she calls Benjamin’s Bill, and is using it as she reaches out to U.S. senators and representatives about options to consider. Her bill includes ideas such as having the Department of Transportation convene roundtable discussions with everyone from the automobile and car seat industries, to child safety advocates and victims, to academic and medical professionals.

She also wants to see more funding for research and development for technology that would detect a child in the rear seat when the driver leaves the car.”

But it is the first entry on her blog that contains the words  every person needs to read before they rush to judge her

Lying in bed last night, I began realizing what an integral role the press has in deciding what “the story” will be. The truth is that there is a bigger picture out there – an ongoing, political and intellectual debate about the history of these efforts to elicit change and how to go about it in the future – and I would hope that citizens would be just as interested in that as the local, sensationalized story. It saddens me that local media outlets are still stuck on “Ridgefield details” – is that story divisive (do we really need that type of thing now – it still hurts my heart)? Does it stir the pot enough to sell papers or website clicks? Maybe. But, I ask that we move beyond the sensationalization of the events of July 7th to deal with the real issues at hand – that will continue to affect hundreds of more children in the future if nothing is done. Did I forgive Kyle? Yes. Was it a horrible, traumatic day? Yes. We will always grieve that day…but we need to move forward to the bigger discussion right now. No discussion of his actions that day – it’s not about that. And, we have a working relationship with all local and state officials involved – and I will continue to give deference and respect to the privacy of the processes they are going through right now. I refuse to discuss the big sensationalization of the day – charges or statistics? That’s not the point. This isn’t about that – if it were, we surely would have remained quiet and holed up in our house.

In an interview yesterday, I talked ad nauseam about why we were speaking and pubic awareness: I got one sentence at the end –

“Since that time, Rogers-Seitz has kept her silence to maintain a point of privacy during the mourning period, but she chose to speak Tuesday because Thursday is National Heat Stroke Prevention Day.”

I’ve maintained my silence because for three weeks my mind couldn’t form words for these events or our emotions but also to respect the state processes going on at this time. The title “Mother Mourns Child, Defends Husband.” I am not discussing my husband’s ongoing state issues in the media, nor did I. If by saying I love him and forgive him and that we are a healthy family unit moving forward and that he is a wonderful father – then I guess I did defend him. But, I did not defend or discuss any events of July 7th related to him, nor will I…at this time. One day, but we respect all parties involved right now. My grieving as a mother – what that is like – yes, this can reach others to make them see how quickly the unimaginable happens and why they should care about this issue – but nothing else. Not now.

I wish the entire family strength and think of them, their sadness, their pain and their lifetime of grief and I wish them love. And as we enter the hottest months in Australia I continue to hope that no one amongst us ever has to deal with such an awful tragedy.

 

So I am addicted. Yes, like a billion or so other people around the internet I have become completely riveted and shamelessly addicted to the Serial Podcast.

If you are not aware of what it is all about get right on to it right this minute so you can talk about it with me.  Basically it is a podcast made by the same people who make This American Life which is sublime listening especially if you have many hours to wile away on a treadmill while you lower your sugar, cholesterol and weight. Or just if you like listening to really good radio.

This tranche of Serial investigates the conviction of, Adnan Syed a teenager from Baltmore who was convicted for the 1999 murder of his ex-girlfriend, Hae Min Lee. It describes week by week the very weak case of the prosecution and literally leaves you breathless to find out what’s going to happen next.  The most exciting thing, I guess, is that even the creators are not really sure how it is going to end (episode 8 is being released today and they speculate that there should be around 12 episodes).

I am not a big TV watcher, in fact I would never ever choose to watch a criminal case on TV or at the movies but this has me glued to the treadmill, and the car, and walking the dog and any other place I get five minutes to listen to a podcast.  I think it’s partly the narrator Sarah Koenig and her most brilliant voice and obviously the way the story is strung together.

And, as I have said, I am not alone.  Hundreds and thousands of people are downloading the podcast – it’s the most downloaded podcast on iTunes, there are hundreds of forums on the show and hundreds of articles on proper websites like Salon and The Guardian (not like you know, Sharpest Pencil) that are devoted not just to the case but the phenomenon.

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The thought of Adnan being innocent and in jail is almost too much to bear. I’d obviously him much rather be guilty.  I am like the Chief Minister for Justice when it comes to matters like this. The thought of an innocent person being falsely accused is the height of torture for me

But the very concept of jail and incarceration both fascinates me and makes me claustrophobic.  Imagine sitting in jail for the rest of your life. Or for 15 years. Or even for a month. How long does it take to become institutionalised? How long before you just march to the beat of the jail drum?

What does a person (especially a really smart man like Adnan Sayed) do in jail day after day after day? Before this show started and someone started to look into the details of his case, what was the reason Adnan got up every morning? How did he carry on? How do you spend the rest of your days knowing that there is nothing to look forward to?

Could you imagine a fate worse than a lifetime in jail especially for a crime you did not commit?

 

I have got so much on my mind and so much on my to do list that there is no way I could write a sensible blog post – shhh don’t tell the people at Kidspot where I am writing posts every day.

But I have been busy, I have been working A LOT and I haven’t been breathing a lot – well I’ve been breathing but that shallow shitty stuff that makes you feel panicky rather than oxygenated. I thought I’d better write down everything that I have to do so that I can see how manageable it is. I am yet to be convinced but it’s worth a shot

So without further ado – my to do list, offered in no particular order

• Shave legs (probably need to buy a weed eater)
• Stop obsessing over ISIS
• Make plans to live in an underground community of puppies where the outside world can’t get to me
• Remember that I am a diabetic. This involves not eating cake for breakfast and chocolate after (or for) dinner
• Buy a laundry basket and a bucket
• Pick up shirts that have been at the laundry so long they’ve probably yellowed with age
• Replace scatter cushions that 9-year-old dog has eaten because he thinks he’s still a puppy
• Find way to stop dog eating new cushions that doesn’t involve shouting at dog or saying no (unless I add “learn to say no” to the list)
• Reply to all the emails that have been marked for reply for the last few weeks
• Update sons very hectic social calendar so that I feel like I am in control of something that feels sociable without having to actually talk to people.
• Try to leave horizontal position on bed
• Put a diary reminder in for every day for the next 25 years reminding me not to have 35 people over for dinner one week after I’ve moved into a new house
• Phone the doctor and admit I’ve lost my scripts and blood test request form even though they were meant to be filled at the beginning if the month
• Clear a space in the car so that I can get in. Probably also a good time to unpack the stuff in the car because I can’t use the “I’m in the midst of moving” excuse anymore
• Find a BB cream that actually does what it says. Even if it is actually a CC cream – in fact find out the difference between BB and CC creams.
• Develop patience
• Replace Rescue Remedy that I’ve been drinking like water
• Stop reading the news
• Buy groceries and try remember how to prepare edible dinners for the family
• Complain to carpet people about the “things” that they put at the end of the carpets that look like they have been battered by hail
• Find out where my curtains are without running the relationship I have fostered with the curtain maker
• Breathe. Need to write that one because I keep forgetting.

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What is on your To Do list?

My husband has a very difficult job, It’s unrelenting, it’s almost impossible to get it right and it pays nothing. Of course I’m not talking about the billion hours he spends in the office , that’s a breeze compared to the job he has to do of trying to calm my anxiety.

Ever since I met Mr Pencil, and way before that I have been a frightened person. I am scared of most things but my one big fear has always been the very rational fear of the end of the world.  Not the end of “my” world as every psychologist in Johannesburg and the Eastern suburbs of Sydney has tried to convince me, but the REAL end of the world (and yes I know the psychologists are probably right and it’s all analogous and metaphorical and shit but it’s my fear and I am describing it my way).
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I may or may not have been in a particularly bad mood last night when I was flipping through Facebook and spotted a post which made my previous bad mood seem rather tame.

I was in a bad mood because of Tony Abbott and the way he talks about asylum seekers using emotional blackmail, and actually everything else he and Scott Morrison say and do, I was feeling sad from watching the footage of Sri Lankan women and children, I was anxious about the situation in Israel and on the Gaza Strip, I was horrified by the stabbing death of a three-year old boy in Adelaide.  There were real things on my mind. Real and horrific things that I couldn’t quite shake.

And that’s when I saw a post from the NSW Police Force shared by one of my friends because as neurotic as I am I don’t follow the police on Facebook.

The message read in part

“Police are appealing for information after a teenage boy was approached at Rose Bay yesterday.

Police from Rose Bay Local Area Command have been told the 16-year-old was walking along Old South Head Road about midday (Tuesday 8 July 2014), when a white van stopped near him.

He told police the man driving the van offered him a lift; the teen declined and ran away. Police were advised of the incident about 7.30pm.

Police are now appealing for witnesses to the incident to come forward. The van is described as being a white VW-brand with yellow and black number plates.

Anyone who may have witnessed the incident, or who has information about the man or vehicle, is urged to contact Rose Bay Police or Crime Stoppers.”

The post then went on to discuss how we should talk to our children about “Safe People, Safe Places”

As far as I can tell a 16-year-old boy was walking on a very busy road when a white van (because it’s always a white van) pulled up near him.  I assume the boy went up close enough to the car to determine that the man offered him a lift. He declined the lift (I assume) and ran away. Smart child. His mother reported it to the police. Smart mother (one can assume the whole family is smart)

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I do not want to trivialise the many heinous things that could happen to a child on the street if the wrong person got to him. But I refuse to believe that everyone driving a white van is a pedophile or the abductor of small (or in this case – big) children.

The paranoia we feel about the “man in the white van” is actually hugely disproportionate to the actual danger our kids face.

The data around attempted abductions is difficult to capture – some attempts might not be reported,  and some may be reported under different sub categories.  I’m not sure that this incident was reported as an attempted abduction because there is nothing in the report that points to an attempt to lure the boy away.

Recent figures from the Australian Institute of Criminology state that just over 750 abductions occurred Australia wide during one calendar year and that just over half were by a stranger. Children made up less than 20% of the cases.  Less than 20% of the cases HALF of which were committed by people known to the child.

If anything happened to this 16-year old boy to terrify him or make him feel uncomfortable I am hugely and profusely sorry – for him, for his parents and for anyone else affected.

But to the hundreds of people who have gone into a major panic about allowing their children to walk outside because of this incident I implore you to recognise the facts.  Educate your children like this boy was educated, teach them to ignore people they don’t know and to call for help if the person won’t go away (scream ” I do not know this person”), to use busy roads, to learn about safe adults and obviously not to get into the car of someone they don’t know.

But educate them in reality not in fear.

Rant over.

*UPDATE: As I was finishing this post the mum of the boy contacted me via Facebook. Scary shit when you realise how close you are to that person who is in the “news”, we have about 10 Facebook friends in common.  She says the man offered her child a lift and then demanded that he get in the car. That is some scary shit and I am even gladder now that he ran away. But it doesn’t negate my point that education is key – education not fear.