10 things you must do in order to get a good night’s sleep

June 3, 2016 by 1 Comment

For as long as I can remember I’ve had horrible bouts of insomnia. These bouts are nicely interspersed with times of sleeplessness. As you can imagine, I have (exhaustedly) gone through hundreds of tips meant to help get me to sleep and what’s more to sleep through the night.

So far I haven’t had a lot of luck – but I do think I know how to help other people get the sleep they need,  and so I have created this handy list for you to follow

1. Get yourself really tired

2. Make sure you are comfortable

3. Let go of any childhood issues  you have been hanging on to

4. Pretend you have no worries at all

5. Forget every embarrassing encounter you’ve ever had


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6. Don’t think about your poor business decisions or bad career choices

7. Try very hard not to replay old fights in your head

 

8. Don’t think about things like who would attend your funeral

9. Don’t even think back on your day

10. Take a sleeping pill

Easy huh?

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The 8 types of recipe trolls

April 12, 2016 by 2 Comments

Quite by chance I have come across a well of unexpected angst in a corner of the web I thought was reserved for foodies or hungry people. This angst, often manifested as anger, It’s literally bubbling away in online recipes. Yes, simple solutions for dinner are the new heartland of irate commenters.

This shouldn’t have been such a big surprise for me, after all I was hated for daring to mention I didn’t love the Thermomix, but I naively thought the anger was coming from the obsessive cult of the kitchen gadget not from everyday cooks. However, in my continued search for dinner inspiration I have begun to look at the comments on online recipes to see if the recipe is going to be as easy to follow as I was lead to believe and that’s where I have found the hangry (when hunger meets anger) commenters.

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“I want this place looking like Disney on Ice”

November 12, 2015 by 2 Comments

I am that person you mock, the clean freak (with respect to vegetable growers and Michelle Bridges) who is checking over my shoulder as I open the front door to invite you in, the woman you never want to invite into your own home after you have seen me complaining about the mess in my (very neat) home.

I know it’s a problem for some, but I just can’t help being a bit fastidious about cleanliness.

I haven’t been for any form of therapy for my particularly tidy ways around the house (although I am keen to get to the bottom of why everyone doesn’t behave like I do) but I do know that my issue with cleanliness is based on having a sense of order around me. Ordered house, ordered head. Mr Pencil will be quick to point out that apparently I don’t need an ordered head to drive a car. Let’s just say the cleanliness obsession stops at the front door. [Read more…]

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Let’s change ALL the supermarket shopping rules

September 12, 2015 by 10 Comments

Go home old peopleYou’ll be thrilled to know that a delightful woman by the name of Beverly Macca has taken the time to write to her local newspaper. I know nothing about Beverly other than she works from nine to five so she is very busy and important. Mind you after reading her letter I also know that she’s a wee bit rude.

But still, she took time out from her very busy life to write to the Editor of The Herald so clearly something was niggling her– and I get it, her letter was about supermarket shopping which is a highly critical event.

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The day the storm took away my lifeline

August 26, 2015 by

after the stormI woke up the morning after the storms to a disaster that the SES could not help. My internet was down. I spoke to a machine at Bigpond and then a woman in India who confirmed that the cables were damaged in the storm and would be not be fixed till the following day at 6pm at the latest. Two whole days without internet. This loosely translates to two days without oxygen for me.

I am not proud to say that I don’t know how to live without internet. How was I even supposed to phone Bigpond to confirm the calamity if I couldn’t look up their number? [Read more…]

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15 (sort of) cleaning tips that (sort of) actually work

January 15, 2014 by 10 Comments

cleaning-memeOne of my favourite people in the whole world is Maria. Maria comes to my house, kisses my dog for half an hour while he cries with joy at her very presence and then she cleans my house like some kind of hygiene ninja.

She makes my life easy, tidy and very, very clean but when she doesn’t come over our lives crumble a little. Like over the holidays when she takes some very well deserved time to spend with her family while my family rolls around in the dirt.
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Are you a marketer’s dream?

January 7, 2014 by 20 Comments

dog paper clipOne of the reasons that I became a teacher a million years ago was to justify my repeated and rather grandiose stationery expenditure. I used it as an excuse, but the truth is that teachers don’t actually need heart shaped erasers, staple-less staplers and electronic erasers any more than they need farm animal shaped paper clips and sweet smelling textas. Funny that. [Read more…]

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Hold me, I tried to go shopping AT A BOUTIQUE

December 12, 2013 by 17 Comments

you are obviously in the wrong placeYesterday was a nightmare of a shopping day. Not because I was dealing with Christmas stress (one of the benefits of being Jewish) but because I was dealing with retail assistants. Only they weren’t dealing with me.

Now I am not going to generalize, I’m just going to divide all retail staff into two broad categories. Some of them are lovely and friendly and delightful and, just like every other sector of the universe some of them are hideous. It seems that the bulk of the hideous ones work in boutique style shops.
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David Attenborough narrating the MTV video music awards may be the best thing you see today.

November 2, 2013 by Leave a Comment

I know that this may be cheating a little bit because a blog post should be more about writing than sharing videos (but maybe that’s  a conversation for another day?) I also know I may have promised to stop talking about Miley Cyrus so much but this is the funniest (cleverest) thing I have seen all day month and I HAVE to share it with everyone.

Have a look (or at least a listen) as David Attenborough narrates the MTV video music awards

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Attenborrowed from wreckandsalvage on Vimeo.

Now tell me that wasn’t worth it!

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Enough reason to never buy your mother a birthday present again

October 31, 2013 by 4 Comments

birthday presentSometimes I write to help me unpack things, sometimes I write because there are literally no words but I have to add some… Today is one of those days.

I’m going to take you back a while to when I asked my mum what she wanted for her birthday. She thought about it very seriously for my mother is a very serious person. Finally, days later, she told me she wanted a pair of running shoes.

At this point there are a couple of things you should know

  1. My mother has never run in her entire life. She’s never even run late so averse is she to the idea of running. But, to be fair she walks a lot. Very slowly but a lot.
  2. My husband has some very er, strong connections to the world that is running shoes so perhaps she was just trying to make it easy for me…

My husband suggested she go to one of the retail stores with which he is connected, find the shoes she wants and get back to us with the model and size.

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